Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'm one of the 7%.... sorry Mom!

What is it about fundy messages being forwarded that makes some jackhole crank the font up to 48 point???? Does that make it more believable to have it written in BIGGER FONT!

All it does is make the mouse stroke getting to the bottom take longer for me. And if I'm going to be stroking the mouse, I'd rather be double clicking my mouse, let me tell you!!!!

Just got this from me Mum....

*sigh*

The Duck & the Devil

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play without in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his
sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes.' But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'

Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?' So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'

Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.' She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he
finally couldn't stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

[Aw Christ, here we go...]

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done...? And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)...whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

[That's right ladies and gentlemen, thought crime is alive and well in the Christian community, don't let them tell you otherwise.]

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness;

He not only forgives you, but He forgets.

[Yeah, he forgets, right up until his "throne of judgment" when you are called upon to account for your entire life. Pick one bitch, you can't have both.]
It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

God is at the window!

When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you!

If you are one of the 93 % who will stand up for him forward this with the title, 'I'm in the 93%'

Would you believe 7% of people won't forward this?



I'm not forwarding this piece of shit. BUT I am sharing it with my blog readers.

I'm one of the 7%. And I'm not really sorry.

23 comments:

Half rabbit said...

Your mother sends you chain mail....... dang. I wish my mum was that technical (actually I don't :) )........ though I still don't understand why people forward chain mail things....... someone quite intelligent used to do it to me, not sure why...... (I should research it but the laziness from eating too much custard is creeping over me)

I don't really understand why double clicking the mouse is used as slang. Maybe you should post a video on your new site demonstrating. ;)

Johnny said...

I wanna know who thought a slingshot was an appropriate toy for little me?

Bullshit jebus was thinking of me when he was on the cross.... he was probably thinking OWWW OWWWW THESE FUCKING NAILS HURT SHIT TAKE EM OUT.......TAKE EM OUT AAAAGGGGRRR!!!

..or maybe....

MMMMM good view from up here, hey I can see my house from here!

...or maybe....

Hey there's Mary, dang she looks good in that chiton, I wonder if she'd let me........

Fiery said...

HalfRabbit- My parents are very 21st century! In fact, they've always been really good about getting new technology. They got a vcr shortly after they came out, cassette tapes, cd's, computers, even the internet. I usually hear from Mom at least every other day if not every day. Just a little note, telling me and my sibs what she and dad are up to.

I first heard "double clicking your mouse" in American Pie and thought it was a great description. And how appropriate really. It's a handful, not everyone has good mouse technique, some even have to look at it while they are using it. You can use one or both fingers, and if you don't double click properly, you don't get what you want.

Johnny- I was surprised you were so easy to blackmail, personally. Very disappointed that you let Sally lead you around by the nose. But hey! Maybe that's a source of some of your proclivities, or is that too Freudian? ;)

I agree about jebus. He only spent about 12 hours or so on that cross. How did he have time to think of everybody up there? Or maybe, being the son of god he only thought of the people who believe in him on their death beds.

Because, really. That's all that matters. Belief in him the instant BEFORE you die.

He was looking at Mary, standing there dressed in naught but chitons thinking... She's just asking for trouble covering her naughty bits with seashells like that. People are going to think of her as a whore!

Dawn said...

I wouldn't forward it, either. I read and delete stuff like that (and all the garbage that Snopes debunks). I hate chain garbage. I'll forward some fun stuff to friends and family that I know will appreciate them, usually the "get to know me" stuff. Otherwise, it all gets deleted.

TraceyTreasure said...

One of my Christian friends sent me the same email last year, I think. I don't think I forwarded it. I'm wondering who is still forwarding it.....I'm one of the 7% too!! I'm not really sorry, either.
Hope all is well with you!! Hugs!!

ozatheist said...

there's 3 things I dislike (well, there's actually lots more than 3)

1 is people forwarding chain emails, especially when you get the same one 3 or 4 times from different friends!

2 is stupid christian metaphor/moral stories.

3 is getting 1 and 2 combined

lucky you, you hit the jackpot, and from your mother!

I guess I'm one of the 7% too

Fiery said...

Hi Dawn! :) I usually delete that stuff as well. But sometimes, I get one just stupid enough that I've got to shred it on my blog.

Rarely do I pass on forwarded material, ever really. Unless I really like something. And even then it's only to people I think will appreciate it.

Maybe two or three times in my life have I ever forwarded something to my entire address book and I think I've regretted it each time. MEH!!!! Live and learn.

Things are good Tracey T. :)

OzA- LOL!!!!! :D

Poodles said...

I am so glad my mom only has a computer for video slots. No internet for her.

I usually send those back with a quick YOU DO KNOW I'M AN ATHEIST RIGHT? (caps lock and 150 p font seems to be the only thing they can read).

Fiery said...

They probably figure it is more important to send them to you (as an atheist) because they are worried for your immortal soul.

That's actually one of the reasons I don't tell my parents. I doubt I could turn them from the darkness AND they would spend the rest of their lives worried about my upcoming damnation. Imaginary fears like that is NOT something I want to add to their burdens.

And what the smeg is with the 150 point font ALL CAPS thing????????

I guess if you shout it loud enough and write it tall enough, it HAS to be true.

Fiery said...

And I meant that specifically in the context of them sending things forwarded in really big all caps. What is WRONG with them?

Oh... wait. We know what's wrong with them. Poor deluded fuckwits.

I totally understand why you'd shout I'M AN ATHEIST back at them.

It's much more polite than replying "GARGGGGHH!!!! STOP SENDING ME THIS STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!" Which they would see as the message working because Satan gets uncomfortable when God is about to reclaim one of his minions and anger like that is just proof that he is worried he's losing his hold on you.

BLECH!!!!!

Johnny said...

Hahaha yea that damn conniving Sally....Bitch!!

This....Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.' should read like......

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. After all it looked like an accident, was it?' The ever truthful and incredibly handsome Johnny answered 'well yes it was actually.' Grandma said 'I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you. In fact it is Sally who is going to suffer eternally in the lower reaches of Satan's domain(as grandma said Satan she quickly genuflected and made the sign of the upside down cross and muttered in a gutteral tone 'all hail Satan the Black Lord') for being a blackmailer, in fact lets go sort her out right now......you still got that slingshot?' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

te he sea shells I was thinking more along the lines of ancient dress but I now see that it is more an ancient greek word, the Romans called it a tunica, smeg knows what the ancient semites called it!

Fiery said...

I knew you were thinking ancient dress. But since it is the same word for the seashells, I thought that might explain why Mary Magdelene is considered a prostitute when she was actually Jesus' wife!

Richard said...

Next Fiery is going to be telling us about Mary Magdalene's babies, and how The Da Vinci Code is God's Honest Truth. 'Cept, I do not think MM was really Jeebus's wife, so all those kids are just Jesus Bastards.

Up yer chiton, Johnny!

How do you tell if a Scotsman is a McTavish or a MacDonald?

Check up his kilt, if it's a 1/4 pounder its....

Fiery said...

HEY! I saw the painting of the Last Supper, and Dude Looks Like A Lady or WHAT!!!! Beautiful red hair, hint of a bosum, hand demurely saying "who me?". Therefore, Jebus was married to Mary Magdalene. Leonardo couldn't have painted a lie, so hence... it must be true.

Joe said...

Count me in as one of the 7 percenters.

AJ said...

Hey,
Count me as one of the 93!

I think that it's a nice little story, although I don't like how Sally's fate is left unknown.

But yeah, I'm just a passing Christian who feels the need to crash your atheist party and say that I think that God exists, and I think that you guys should rethink.

I'm sure you've had guys preach to you before, but if you'd like to discuss the ultimate question; and others like it then please drop me a line.

Oh, and check out this ...

www.readthisbeforeyoudie.com

it's awesome.

Peace out,

Alex

Fiery said...

AJ from the UK and a believer to boot.

Re: your website of choice.

-creepy music
-bloody title
-offers no evidence for an afterlife, merely poses... "What if there is one?"
-violent death sounds
-more creepy music

the turn it yourself pages was really annoying.

the rest of the review... see the blog post with the working title "Read this Before you Die"

Thanks for stopping in.

Plan on sticking around??

Richard said...

Nah, AJ, that link is total nonsense; not one sensible thing about it. Of course if you like Rap that sounds like 'all-Rap', and you think a sky-fairy makes everything happen, then ga'hed and fill your boots.

That sky-fairy of yours is some piece of work. He says you have the freedom to choose Him, but then any choice but Him damns you to eternal hell. That has all the 'free' choice and gentility of a New York mugger in an alley, with a knife at your throat. So you think you still have a choice! True, you don't have to give him your wallet, but having your throat slashed just isn't a decent alternative. AJ, religion , or God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, Wodin, Zeus, Gitchie Manitou are all B_llsh_t! Total F_ck_ng B_llsh_t!!

AJ, go and read some of the more serious things on this blog... use the Google search facility below to find detailed discussions on the nature of gods, reality, morality and the like.

Go to this Search Results page on Religion, and open some tabs using the links provided. Something might strike a neuron.

AJ said...

Hey,

yeah Fiery I'd love to stick around if you don't mind!

Took me a while to reply 'cos i've been at the reading festival and stuff, sorry aboot that.

Um yeah, I'll try and reply now ...

Fiery

Fair enough that you don't like the website, I liked the lyrics of a couple of the songs (Amazing Grace and Take Me As I Am).

Also it's a nice concise explanation of Christianity, I dunno, I just like it.

And where's this blog?
I do not see it?!

Richard

Chill out dude!

First thing first; you're blaspheming.

As for your attack on faith; your ananology is flawed for a number of reasons.

A) The mugger didn't create you to be perfect only to be disappointed that you fell short of that.
B) he probably didn't love you that much.
C) He is threatening you with a bad thing (slit throat) so that you do what he wants you to, whereas God has every right to punish you (slit your throat) but he doesn't.


Instead he gives you a second chance to avoid punishment, to avoid the pits of hell if only you believe in him, have faith in him; love him.

Which isn't much to ask considering how much he's given you.

It's about gratitude, perhaps.

But I see your point, the believe or perish idea isn't a very comforting one; but it's neccessary.

One more thing, last but not least:
inheriting the Kingdom of God, being eternally happy and with God (contrasting from the suffering of this world) is what God wants you to have.

The mugger wants your wallet.

Big difference if you ask me.

I had a quick look at that link and read a bit of this page.


I find that when I read atheist arguments I just can't take them seriously because I know that God exists.

I experience it, then I think about it.

Wierdly enough though, I think that it could be argued that God does exist through philosophy quite well, but that's not how everyone comes to him I think.

I find all atheist arguments flawed, simply because they're going against the ultimate power; love; truth; AKA God.

This is something which is never going to suceed.

But these arguments sound credible, because it's just easier to ignore God.

But yeah, there's quite a lot on there; if there's any of it which you think particuarly proves your point link me to it please.




God's there guys, deep deep down you know it.

You can run, you can try and mask your feelings with your irreverence and blasphemy; but you cannot fill the void.

One day you may regret it.

I pray that you change your minds.
I'm praying for you.

AJ

Fiery said...

Well AJ- I wasn't sure you'd come back so I shelved the rebuttal post. I'll dig it up, see if it's worth a second effort.

Not too surprising that you liked the lyrics to Amazing Grace and Take Me As I Am.

How do you experience God? You said you experienced him and then you think about it. Please elaborate.

Richard said...

waiting for aj.

Ain't no God, AJ!

Prove God to me & Fiery. We 'only' have 5 senses (just like you) ...so which sense, or logical development from sensory evidence gives irrefutable proof of something ruling the universe. You know,soething that is faintly smarter than the wet lint between your toes on a hot day!

AJ said...

Well fiery, to be completely honest, this is how i've experienced God:

I wasn't raised particuarly religiously but as a child I believed in God, like most children in fact (along with the Easter bunny).
I wasn't very devout or anything, I went to church about twice a year with my parents.

Then when i was 13(around that) I asked God for something, promising to go to church every sunday if he granted me it.

I recieved it, and so I was in a bind because now I had to start going to church!

I didn't do anything about it for a few weeks, but then two of my friends decided that they would start going to Church because they didn't do anything on a Sunday morning (they decided this when smoking outside a church one saturday).

I thought "Oh yeah, I promised God i'd go to church; here's my chance!"

So I joined them, and started going to church.

The fact that my friends went to church was brilliant because it meant i could avoid the awkwardness of having to go on my own.
It was a miracle because I wanted to go church but was prevented by being too much of a pussy.
Especially seeing as my friends were really not "the type".


Anyway, I started reading the bible, started praying and continued believing.

I have had times when I've doubted, i've tried to ignore God, but ultimately I'm always brought back to the truth that God exists.

I know that's a wierd and mundane story, but its what I mean by experiencing God.

Really I think that we all have the choice to believe or not; I think that you should chose the former!

and Richard; there is proof that God exists -
look out of your window, I'm sure that you can use your sense of sight to see something beautiful.

The lint between your toes also proves that God exists, in a wierd way, it just does.

Peace out,

AJ

Richard said...

A.J. when I look out my window I see a natural universe, using natural senses, and consider natural beauty to be one of several darn good reasons for living.

Better still, all matter performs naturally according to their own basic physics, and according to all the combinations of natural laws that their components may exhibit. Some of those combinations produce wonderful new effects, such as the sonar of bats, or the power of a conceptual consciousness.

Most wonderful of all, those laws are natural, uninfluenced by some fatuous notion of supernatural powers. A notion that arose from a primitive terror of those wonderful natural laws. A notion easily accepted by men who could not read or write, and had neither discovered reason nor fire.

Now this same primitivism is echoed by human beings who live in a world that has seen man land on the moon, has experienced computer speeds and storage double every year, benefits directly or indirectly from brilliant medical and agricultural achievements that men discover almost monthly.

Not one of these achievements were a result of prayer to the supernatural. Every one was by the thinking and hard work of natural human minds. Shamefully, the primitive minds now use the lightning fast technology of that human creation called The Internet to promote ideas that seem to think all necessary knowledge comes from a crude book written and copied by semi-literate minds over 1500 years ago. Let them abandon all discoveries MAN has made since, and return to the filthy life of a destitute shepherd.

Let the man who asserts the existence of a sky fairy prove his assertion properly. Simply pointing out a window only indicates that he and I have senses. I already knew that, thanks!