Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Rindercella and her Sugly Isters

Cinderella (Aussie-style) *snerk*

Cheers Protium. :D Don't let the cotton runts get you down!!!!

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.


Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks,so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Decorating

Heh heh. I sort of skipped decorating for Xmyth this year. Whoops.

I sent the kids off to be with my folks in Montana. Although.... come to think of it, Mum and Dad didn't decorate for Xmyth this year either. I guess it's the Year of Apathy for my family. *shrugs* Meh.

Although it is now the 22nd of December, and I've been thinking I really should do something to reflect the spirit of the season. So, I'm choosing between two different designs.

I'd really love to try the design on the right.

Unfortuantely, my fundy neighbor is just as apathetic about decorating for Xmyth as I am. *snerk*

So perhaps I'll try this next one... It's doable, straightforward and loaded with *snerkaliciousness*

Saturday, December 19, 2009

personal hygiene

A shower is a beautiful thing. And soap... why... it's so easy!!!!

WET


LATHER


REPEAT


EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!

Because having to air out the store after your stale arse has visited is just ewww x a zillion. GROSS!!!!!

Just another holiday tip.

Holiday Parking

How NOT to do it.



Shot with my mobile phone camera, this is taken straight out the glass door of my shop. WTF people? Seriously. It's all vertical parking there, NOT diagonal. However, in your rush to get your Christmas list checked off, feel free to park willy-nilly any damn way you please.

Those moving blobs around you are people living their own lives, NOT obstacles on your own private race course.

AARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Just another friendly holiday tip from your friendly, neighbourhood phoenix.

Mike's Hard Spiced Cider

Mike's Hard Lemonade Co. has produced a seasonal sensation: Hard Spiced Cider.


Served chilled, it is truly spectacular. Refreshing. Tart. Spiced just so it is mouth watering and yet thirst quenching.

A word of warning though.

Under NO circumstances should it be heated.

That is the foulest, nastiest, lick your shirt drink ever to have the misfortune of being tasted.

Seriously.

Carbonated hot apple cider is NOT something to be experienced voluntarily.

Eat, drink Mike's, and be merry. But keep it cold.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Biblically Acceptable

It's important to live your life according to the examples set out in the bible.



This is only a smattering of that which is condoned and that which is proscribed. Head over to EvilBible.com for a fun time.

party on dudes.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

why i love atheists

and Hugh Laurie

[insert thoughtful, inspiring prose about an abhorrence for the arbitrary replete with real-life examples, a love of reason, rationality and plenty of examples of them as well.]

[pause for happy dance while chanting, "Look at me, I'm blogging again"]

why I love Aussies

.... and Kiwi's. Except for the ones who can't stand to have their beliefs challenged or called into the light.

A New Zealand church put up this billboard.



Within 4 hours, some fundy had taken exception to it and spread his poo-coloured paint all over it.


Christians think their god is "the way, the truth, and the light". Yet faith in Jesus leads to fear, doubt, and darkness. *sigh* The poor deluded bastards. Reality... science... it's all so much more fascinating and interesting than the ramblings of illiterate goat-herders.

Merry Xmyth fellow bloggers! Wishing you the very happiest of holidays!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

the answer: yes, they do

The question.... In regards to God...



the poor bastards. and they think that is a morally just stance for him to take. Infinite punishment for a finite sin. *shakes head*

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

A woman was asked by a coworker, What is it like to be a Christian?' The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.' God picks you from the patch brings you in and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed... Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'

Translation:

What is it like to be a Christian? It's like being a pumpkin. There you are minding your own business, growing, enjoying the sun, looking forward to the rain, using the nutrients in the soil to create seeds deep within you that will become your children, your gift to the future. As you struggle to survive your flesh grows plentiful as you store the nutrients you need to be attractive to those that will spread your seed far and wide.

God comes along, ripping you from your source of nutrition. He takes you indoors away from the sun and the rain and plops you on his table. He takes a sharp knife and finishes the job of murdering you. Stripping from you all that you had worked your entire life for. With a quick flick of his wrist he destroys your chance at the future and passing on all that was perfected in your genetic lineage. He slits you open, gutting you, and taking his knife in his hand he makes you into that which you were not intended to be. A smiling, mindless, brainless, pointless creation with a little candle stubbed inside of your hollow emptiness. Dead and slowly rotting he puts you out with the others he has made and in 2 weeks when you've served your decorative purpose you will rot and fall apart and be thrown away with the trash. Forgotten.



Alternate title: Why I am an atheist and god can go fuck himself.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Happy Blasphemy Day!!!!!

"Blasphemy Day International is a campaign seeking to establish September 30th as a day to promote free speech and stand up in a show of solidarity for the freedom to mock and insult religion without fear of murder, violence, and reprisal. It is the obligation of the world's nations to safeguard dissent and the dissenters, not to side with the brutal interests of thugs who demand "respect" for their beliefs (i.e., immunity to being criticized or mocked or they threaten violence).

So if you support free speech, and the rights of those who disagree with religious views to voice their opinions peacefully, support our group and join the cause!"

Facebook Group:

Support Blasphemy Day and give the gods a serve! :) Be an equal opportunity blasphemer. Don't just stop with god and jebus, let allah and mohammered have it too.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Orion

Truly spectacular


...makes my heart soar within me.
...my soul take wing.
...perfection.

Friday, September 18, 2009

w..t..f..

stopped by the supermarket for a snack while I work

when what to my wondering eyes should appear

but this piece of What THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




It's September 18th you dickheads.

The man out front is just setting up the PUMPKIN displays.

Ya know. For FALL!

Which isn't here yet. Nope. Still gorgeous, glorious, too warm to wear jeans and a t-shirt weather.

Fuck you and your holiday cookies!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Jesus loves me, this I know!



'Cause his boner tells me so.

Sweet shit, do fundies really see themselves this way?

Talk about the loving arms of your savior. He's going to slip her the tongue any minute. Right before his hand reaches down into her jeans and he grips her bum, pulling her hard against his woody.

Jebus porn. God uh love it. *snerk*

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

and weird people make me laugh



*giggles*

Summer finally hit here and it is hot as hell outside. Hooray for air-conditioning!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mean People Suck


*snerk*

What is it with kids who have to kick sand castles and knock down snowmen? Seriously.

I hope all the pricks out there get exactly what they deserve.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

check this out

Saw this over on Orion77's blog and wanted to post it here, just in case you don't partake of his unique style.

Monday, June 15, 2009

ummmmmm



My cat Neko is playing with a dead etruscan shrew.

1- how the fuck did an etruscan shrew get in my house????
2- are there more where that came from?
3- is she going to eat it?
4- it's dead. was it poisoned or chomped?
5- when do I take it away from her.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW x a zillion.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What shall I do?

I've got 36 bibles donated to the store.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Let's have some fun.

Any suggestions?

Monday, June 8, 2009

telemarketers suck

and not in that fun way that so many of us enjoy.

I've received 3. Not one, not two, but three. THREE telemarketing phone calls on my *cellphone* this morning. Within the last 3 hours as a matter of fact.

FUCK THAT!!!!!

If any of these companies thinks I will ever *EVER* buy anything from them they are sorely mistaken. Bad enough they ringy dingy my home phone, usually during a meal and most often with nothing there but the computer making a note "this is a good time to call".

National Do Not Call Registry I registered. Should have done it yonks ago, but couldn't be bothered. Well now I am.

Here are a few ways to fuck with telemarketers. And don't give me that "oh they're just a poor schlub with a horrid job." Yep, no one is forcing them to be a telemarketer. Life is about choices. Cold calling people is a bad choice. Reap the whirlwind.



Thank you for hosting the picture.

Monday, June 1, 2009

open forum 24

Hi! Anything on your mind?

I'd love to hear about it.

Evening on the Prairie
Northeastern Montana

Sunday, May 31, 2009

I have a crush on Tim Minchin



Genius I tells ya, GENIUS!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Prejudice is an ugly thing



Never EVER use THAT word, unless of course you are one. Or love one.

:D

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Life's Challenges. Rewards or Punishments?

Being a *good* parent ("Any butt-reaming asshole can be a father" ~Ted Theodore Logan) gives one a very unique perspective on the universe. First off, there's the decisions to make, the biggies. Not just- vaginal or caesarean, breast or bottle, cloth or disposable. But the long reaching decisions that will effect our children for the rest of their lives. Like discipline. Spanking or time-outs. That kind of thing.

I was spanked as a child, with a belt. I don't consider myself abused, it wasn't that kind of trauma. I totally disapprove of it, but I've read "A Child Called 'It'" and talked to people who suffered horrifically as a child, it wasn't like that. Just good people who were spanked themselves and who spanked me because "that's how it was done".

The thing is, I was mostly spanked in anger, but occasionally spanked by a totally rational parent.

Now that I'm a parent, and in trying to be a good parent I have read *heaps* of parenting books on discipline and childrearing and thankfully found some awesome alternatives to striking my child, I see spanking much differently now than I did as a child. As a kid, I hated my parents for hurting me and was afraid of them and their anger.

Yet, it was the non-pissed off spankings that really creeped me out. Even as a kid I understood, a little bit, the desire to hit something when you were mad and a kid makes an easy target. (That is the lesson that spanking teaches, by the way. If something angers you, hit it. Especially if it is smaller than you are. How man spanking parents out their continue spanking their child when they grow stronger than they are? I wonder why? Maybe spanking parents should think on that a bit.)

But what kind of cold-hearted bastard saves up the spanking until hours later and applies it coldly and methodically. "This hurts me, more than it hurts you." Bullshit. If you truly abhor hurting your child, you'd find an alternative. If you genuinely believe the little bugger deserves every lash of that belt, then it doesn't hurt you at all. They deserve it.

Let's think about God the Father and his ability to discipline us, his children. Does he involve himself in our day-to-day lives up to the extent of rewarding us (miracles, answering our prayers, etc...) and punishing us for our misdeeds (lost job, poor health, sick kids)?

Some say yes, some say sometimes, some say no. (And all have bible verses to back them up. Convenient?)

For the sake of argument, let's say a person has 2 children and both are diagnosed as autistic.

How and more importantly why does a god-fearing person end up with two children with autism?

Maybe God decided that you deserve two kids with autism. Maybe he looked at the kind of life you lived (good or bad, and presumably the life you WILL live) and say, "Hmmmm, let's see here, yes indeed, two kids with autism will suit you just fine."

If that were the case, then I would be left wondering, maybe if I had actually stolen my neighbor's ass that I had long coveted and went for a joy ride up and down the streets with it and then denied it... hmmmm that's 3 commandments, would I then have no longer been worthy of having 2 children with autism? If I had been a bit worse, maybe God wouldn't have trusted me with their care. Maybe my children have autism because I was TOO good.

Or perhaps it was the other way. If you lead a life of sinful misdeeds, in spite of being raised by a Christian family, maybe God is using your 2 little ones to help you grow into a stronger, more productive Christian, a perfect member of his flock, tried in hardship and now obedient to his will.

If that were the case, then I would be left wondering, if I had just been a better person, neither of my kids would be like this. They could have been "normal" and not face all the challenges that autism will bring them in their lives. If only....

Or did God place the challenges of two autistic kids on your shoulders because he consulted his Book of Life and said,"Let's see.... max load for you is 500 ppsi and if I cross reference 2 children with autism... yep that's 475 ppsi, an average life is 20 ppsi, yep. You can handle that. We'll just keep her right at 495 ppsi and she can handle it, 'cause the Book of Life says so. Plus I'll be there to help her. Hope she's read the Footprints poem, I'll be carrying her through their whole lives. Heck, I might as well just sling her over my shoulder, this is gonna be a dooooozy. *snicker snicker*". (Yeah, God laughs in chocolate bars. *snerk*)

If that were the case, then I would be left wondering, how could God condemn two beautiful children to a life of autism as a challenge to me? Why were their brains allowed to be twisted and distorted and changed so that they cannot function the way "everyone else" does???? Why? Why?? Why??? Is it my fault? Am I too strong? Not strong enough? Too good? Not good enough?

That kind of self-doubt will eat a parent alive... Are the circumstances of my child's life, my fault?

...

Now let's consider God's ultimate discipline- hell.

In the course of parenting your child, it is very easy to become fairly angry with them. One careless bounce of a ball into a big plate glass window can lead to thousands of dollars in repair. It was just a tiny error that led to some very big consequences. If a spilled ice cream cone that costs $3.75 gets a slap on the hand, and ramming your sister with your bike gets her a $30 tetanus shot and you a slap across the face, and putting the car into neutral and letting it roll down the drive way, denting the fender for $450 in car repairs gets you 10 lashes with the belt.... how much physical trauma does breaking a window and costing $5000 in repair work get you? 20 lashes every night for a week?

Escalating punishment has to end some where or the law steps in. It is morally reprehensible for ANY parent to beat their child to death regardless of provocation.

So how does God, who bills himself as our "heavenly father" handle our punishment?

With God, one sin --> hell.

One "God dammit!"...hell.
One lie... hell.
One hint of jealousy... hell.
One bout of anger... hell.
Sex with someone else's husband...hell.
One murder... hell.

Wait a minute... a murder is the same as a lie is the same as having sex with someone's spouse is the same as saying "god dammit"????

Ever lasting punishment. 4 out of 6 of those are thought crimes. Victimless crimes. Yet God says you will burn in fire and brimstone for all eternity for just one of them one time.

Talk about the ultimate spanking.

I wonder what the punishment for burning your child alive is? I wonder what the neighbors would do to the person who had been found to keep their child burning for as long as possible, maybe cutting them down to heal a bit, not letting the flames actually consume the flesh, maybe just scalding them repeatedly in boiling water? I wonder if a parent could keep that going for a week or so?

I wonder how the neighbors would treat you if you were discovered to have treated your child is such an utterly repugnant, horrific fashion. Think a good ole linching might result? A little "good for the goose is good for the gander"??

Then who steps in when God, the supposed moral compass for the universe, burns somebody alive for an eternity. Not just 1 week. No, no. An eternity.

Hell is a spanking that never ends. The most hideous, ugly kind of torture that will never ever stop. No mercy. No ending. Only misery, forever.

What parent never stops? Even a physically abusive parent who beats his child with the claw end of a hammer has to stop, because the child DIES!

With god, there is no death. A "sinner" will suffer forever.

Who am I to judge god?

I am a mother. A good one. I understand about discipline and know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate discipline.

And no child, regardless of the sin, deserves an everlasting spanking.

And as for the challenges we face in our life, they are not put here by a morally bankrupt concept invented by illiterate goatherders to explain why the sky goes flash and the clouds yell boom right before it rains.

Nobody "deserves" two kids with autism. It isn't fair. It isn't just. Their autism has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It doesn't have anything to do with your past deeds, good or bad. They weren't put here to challenge you. They weren't put here to test you.

I used to think that it was awful that life was so unfair.

Then I thought, "Wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair? And all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?"

So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.


~Marcus, Babylon 5

(cross posted on Doubting Faith?)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

this one's for Orion77

Ever since your comment about book inscriptions I've been looking at them a bit more closely and thought you'd enjoy this one.

The Great Divide By T. Davis Bunn.

inside....
Governor Ista- Thanks for being a great friend, we've had some great times. When you are gov[sic] don't forget me. Have a great time next year and keep in touch. Let's have a blast this summer. Your friend, XXXXX XXXXXXX

PS- I got a 33.


Except to write the inscription, the book has never been opened let alone read. And the person who brought it in wasn't old enough to be a governor.

I find that rather sad.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

It's not perfect, but it's mine.

Howdy faithful readers. Thanks so much for checking in on me! I've been working 6 days a week at the bookshop from 11am til 7pm, Wednesdays until 10pm. The days are long, but very rewarding.

Protium and Thump went to see Tim Minchin awhile back and I'd never heard of him. Spent the afternoon watching some of his you-tube videos and really liked this one.



Rather describes where I'm at with my life at the moment. :)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy Mother's Day



My kids and I love watching this. We've seen it at least 15 times and laugh uproariously every time.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

National Day of Prayer

While the fundies are down on their knees beseeching the great Nothing in the sky to make a difference in this world, let's actually MAKE a difference.



For more information visit Atheist Volunteers and learn how YOU can make a real difference. Let's infect the blood supply with Atheist Blood. TEH HORROR!!!!!!! ;-)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

open forum 23

Chance to ask questions. yada yada you know the drill. :))

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Why I can't call my mother until tomorrow

Got another forward from my mum.

It was written in royal blue 72 point font.
(WTF!?!??!!?!!!1 I hate that shit. At least it wasn't in all caps.)

It begins "You are driving home in your car."
(Try again, I'm sitting on my arse in front of my computer.)

It is pages long and scrolls for ages. Words that catch my eye as I scroll down...
Staring at the sky
Thousands of wings
The angels bow their heads
To some it may sound dumb
(ummm yeah, me!)


And then the ending two paragraphs.

Pass it on to 20 of your true friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE; SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. DO NOT BREAK THISEMAIL . SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE.


20 or 4. Can't make up your mind?

Assertion by caps lock does NOT make you correct. FUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Does Jebus really respond to shit like this? Is the Master of the Universe, the one with his finger on the trap door that will send all atheists to charbroil for all eternity, really moved to allow something nice to happen to people because they read some dipshitty version of the second coming?????

My IQ dropped at least 50 points glancing through that shit. Thank Dawkins I had the presence of mind to scan quickly and not get absorbed by the non-think.

And if my mum and dad heard from my n'er do well cousin after sending this.... I'll know that Jesus loves me. *snerk*

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

no burning within the city limits

My fundy next door neighbors "burn barrel".

Not only is it illegal and inconsiderate, he isn't even keeping it contained. *sigh* And if my windows are open the whole place ends up reeking of smoke and his burnt trash!!!!!

Love thy neighbor eh? Maybe he doesn't love himself very much.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'd like your thoughts and opinions on this

Here are 2 ideas for the sign for my used book store. I'd love to hear your reactions and comments positive or negative and specifically why you think the way you do.
i.e. instead of ... "It looks weird" you could say ..."It needs ears"

There are 2 major differences between the two. The font of the "O" and the eyebrows.

I'll be making the decision very soon so a speedy reply would be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your help!!!!!!

~Fiery


OPTION ALPHA




OPTION BRAVO


What say you? Thicker, thinner, bigger, higher, lower, rounder, squarer???? lol


ps- special thanks to Battery, without whom I never would have gotten these made up. Cheers mate! You are a life saver.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

you've got mail

*sigh* Got another fundy forward from my Mom today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: A small request

THIS IS PRETTY NEAT. 93% won't forward

A small request.. Just one line


Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen



All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.
Even if it's only to one more person.
In memory of anyone you know who has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it.
A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle..

Please Keep This Candle Going

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If God wanted cancer to be cured it would be. Prayer isn't going to change his mind. Why would it? His will be done.

"93% won't forward this". Don't I wish there were that many people who thought this was an effective means of helping.

What I wish it gave was a list of options of how a person could actually make a difference. Whether it's donations to research grants, raising awareness, etc... but passing on a forward with a 1 line prayer. Not impressed.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

happy easter!

Easter... It's not just about the chocolate.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

World Autism Awareness Day

Mercury in the vaccines? Cold unfeeling mothers? Genetic abnormalities in the brain? What the hell causes autism? And more importantly, why is it on the rise?

There's a lot of misinformation out there about autism and not enough resources to properly help those who are...what does one say? Blessed with autism? Afflicted with autism? Cursed with autism? Challenged by autism?

Sometimes I wonder if some of the difficulty doesn't stem from society's abhorrence of ALL who are different. Different race, different sexual orientation, different way of thinking.

Anything that tips you off of the peek of the bell curve is cause for social ostracism, medical intervention, religious persecution, hatred, fear, misunderstanding.

Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
Ain't nobodies business if you do.
Victimless crime isn't crime.
Meet a person on common ground, you'll be amazed at what you learn.

mi bloga es su bloga

Its my blog and I'll write what I want to.

Except I like people to enjoy it and interact with me and each other in the comments section.

So.... this is a poll, except more than a dot click would be helpful.

What do you like best to find when you stop by my blog?

1- Playing Fundy Bashing? (If so, I can open up comments to all and we can have at the believers who stop by with their 5 most obvious arguments that we've "never" heard)

2- Posts with my reaction to religious idiocy

3- funny jokes, pics, you tube clips that catch my eye

4- personal annecdotes of my life including pics of the weather (omg does THAT sound boring, but I know that it isn't as bad as that)

5- talk of homeschooling (*snerk* THAT Stopped after a few posts)

6- tales of my drinking exploits (which occur about 4-6 times per year, if I'm lucky)

7- travel adventures (Australia but mostly Montana)

8- talk of evolution, science, how the world really works?

I don't know if this is a massive bout of self-doubt- which is ugly, I know- but what keeps you coming back here? And if it suits me, I'll provide more of that.

Thanks, cheers, and ta for the help!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Open Forum 22

Got questions?

We've got answers.

And..... go!

Happy April Fool's Day

That is all.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

the Red River valley flood of 2009

Heading to town. The overcast sky makes it difficult to distinguish the snow from the water. But this...
isn't a lake. It's a field. In the foreground, the other side of the shoulder of the road, is a ditch that is about 2.5 meters deep and 5 meters across the top. What's that off in the distance?

Farm buildings surrounded by snow melt and field run-off.


Snow and water on the prairie. And a clearer view of the ditch.
Boy you sure don't want to nose plant your car in that. It is deep enough that it would submerge an entire passenger vehicle.

Roads were decent so made it to town with no problem. This is the bridge that we normally drive under to get to my son's karate class by way of the park by the river.


I don't have a great shot of the Island Park levee that is a permanently installed dike protecting downtown Fargo. They rather discourage tourists from stopping for quality shots right now, and fair enough too.

This is taken from my car at a red light. The water is better than 40 feet higher than it normally is.


Left the book store at 5:45pm. Took 2 hours 45 minutes to get through Fargo and across the Red River.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
gave the luster of midday to the flood plain below.



Current Flood Forecast as of 2:11pm 27th March, 2009
Take note of the careful wording which translates as "we have no idea how the flood will progress or how long it last". It will be at least a week.

THE FLOOD WARNING CONTINUES FOR THE RED RIVER AT FARGO.
* UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

* AT 1115 AM FRIDAY MARCH 27 THE STAGE WAS 40.63 FEET. THIS EXCEEDS THE MAXIMUM LEVEL OBSERVED IN 1997...WHICH WAS 39.57 FEET. THIS LEVEL ALSO EXCEEDS THE RECORD HEIGHT OBSERVED IN 1897...WHICH
WAS 40.10 FEET.

* RECORD FLOODING IS OCCURRING.

* FLOOD STAGE IS 18.0 FEET. MODERATE...25.0 FEET. MAJOR...30.0 FEET.

* FORECAST...CONDITIONS ON THE RED RIVER AT FARGO HAVE GROWN INCREASINGLY DANGEROUS OVER THE PAST 24 HOURS. THE RIVER IS CURRENTLY ABOVE RECORD LEVELS...IS STILL RISING BUT AT A SLOWER RATE. WITH THE RIVER EXCEEDING THE PREVIOUS RECORD LEVEL...THE RELATIVE UNCERTAINTY IN FORECAST MODELS HAS INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY. RECORD FLOWS UPSTREAM OF FARGO HAVE PRODUCED UNPRECEDENTED CONDITIONS ON THE RED RIVER. GIVEN THESE FACTORS...THE RIVER IS EXPECTED TO BEHAVE IN WAYS NEVER PREVIOUSLY OBSERVED. THE CREST FORECAST AT FARGO IS NOW EXPECTED TO BE BETWEEN 41 AND 42 FEET BY SATURDAY...BUT COULD POTENTIALLY BE AS HIGH AS 43 FEET... AND CONTINUE FOR 3 TO 7 DAYS.

* IMPACT STATEMENT(S) - AT 41.3 FEET, FARGO...TOP ELEVATION OF THE ISLAND PARK PERMANENT LEVEE.

* FLOODING IN THE RED RIVER BASIN IS NORMALLY LONG TERM. THIS FORECAST WILL REMAIN ABOVE FLOOD STAGE THROUGH THE FORECAST PERIOD.

&&

DAILY 7 AM CDT/6 AM CST FORECAST STAGE IN FEET:

DATE SAT SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI
(MONTH/DAY) 03/28 03/29 03/30 03/31 04/01 04/02 04/03
RED RIVER
FARGO 41.7 42.0 42.0 42.0 41.9 41.8 41.5


Here's a link to the Flood Watch webcam shot of the dike.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Happy Friday the 13th!

Beware the whackjobs! They're out there. And they're breeding.

The Stooopid. It BURNZ!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Yay Reuben!!!!!!1!

The nice man with the bobcat and front loader phoned last night to say he'd be by to do my driveway between 7am and 8am. I wanted to have my car dug free so I could back it up and he could remove the snow from in front of my car.

So, alarm gets set for 6:30am. *groan* (I like to get up about 9am so you can feel my pain here.) HEY! I didn't say sympathize. I know a lot of you get up well before me on a daily basis. It's one of the perks of homeschooling so nyeh! ;)

Anyway, got dressed, got suited up and step outside to scope out the situation. And then I have to come back inside to get the camera.

Check out how deeply impacted my car is!!!!
Y*I*K*E*S!!!!!!!!
And how dark it is!!!

This is the front of my car between it and my garage. Why isn't my car in the garage? Good question. The garage is 75% full of boxes of books and 20% full of misc. crap. Remind me to tell you about the books another day.


My daughter, with a little help from me, gets the car dug out after about an hour's effort.

Then nice man with the bobcat shows up and begins clearing the drive way. Takes him about 5 minutes to free the car from behind so I can back it out.


Yep, the Ace Ventura hairdo is still attached.
HELLO!!!!!! :D

Yep that's me standing behind the Ace Venturado. Will have to knock that bad boy off before we go to town today.

Thanks Reuben!!!! It would have taken us all day to do what you did in about 15 minutes and we appreciate it VERY much!!!! YOU ROCK!!!! :D

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

PAAWS to help a worthy cause

There are only two days left for the shelters mentioned in this post to earn points to have a shot at a million dollar make over.

If you haven't registerd with Zootoo.com.
Would you please oh please take a moment and register with Zootoo.com?

Minnkota PAAWS provides low-cost spaying and neutering services to the Fargo-Moorhead area. I know there are a lot of dog and cat lovers reading my blog.

PAAWS was able to do the spaying for both my cats for half of what the vet wanted for one. I really don't know how I would have been able to have been able to afford it otherwise.

All you need to do is to sign up (FOR FREE) through them at Zootoo.com and confirm your email address. That is all it takes to give them points towards the contest. Any additional (FOR FREE) participation at Zootoo.com gives them additional points. They are already ranked 16 out of approximately 10,000 shelters.

Please take a moment, click this link, use the zipcode 58103 and select Minn-Kota PAAWS under the AFFILIATE WITH A SHELTER section.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :D

Oh! And remember to validate your email address!

Thanks to those who have already signed up with zootoo. You guys ROCK!!!!!

morning after

The artic-esque drift out my bedroom window. The blowing snow filled in the cool contours and the softness belies the snow drifts hardness. (You can walk of them.)


The neighbors across the street in the process of digging themselves out.


The old man's house, look at the size of the drift on the roof! (The little tree in the center is once again pointing at the eaves. What looks like a giant drift is actually the man's house with a drift covering part of the roof and most of the side.


The courtyard drifted even more deeply. The snow is almost rock solid. The kids were climbing all over it and only sinking in on the odd occassion.


The blobs in front of my car are plops of snow that blew off of the roof.


The cone shaped mound out the front window, smoothed and a bit taller.


Check out the snow hanging off the eaves!!!!



Beautiful day here, bright blue skies, sun a blazin', but brrrrrrr is it cold out there. Electricity stayed on, thankfully!!!! :D Now I need to find a man with a snowblower to help free my car. (Hopefully he won't charge much!) The hard snow compacted into a fairly deep drift behind my car and will be very difficult if not impossible to shovel out by hand.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Blizzard update

4 hours later.... This is mostly a compare and contrast with the previous post. :)


The "artic-esque" drift in my back yard.


The neighbors across the street.


The view of the old man's house.


My car. *snerk* With it's Ace Ventura style hair-do.


The drift out the front window.


And it just keeps blowing, and is supposed to until 1am tonight.

Big Blizzard 10 March 2009

Karate was cancelled last night due to the weather advisory and poor road conditions.

Woke up this morning to the most hideous buzzing from the eaves. Viscious metal vibration that would possibly be tolerable except that it is bloody erratic and just when you think "ahhhhh, it's done", it starts again. It's rather like sleeping with a heavy snorer. Except the sex isn't as good.

Looked out the bedroom window and what did I see?
Artic-esque drifts in my back yard.

Lifted my eyes to look across the street at the neighbors to see how they're faring.
They're obviously not leaving the house today. That drift on their front door is half way up the door. But their cars and the door they normally use is off to the back and to the right. Where the drift is nearly to the roof!!!!

How about the empty house of the 95 year old man who lives 80% of the year in Montana?
Holy shit! Good thing he's in Montana, because he wouldn't be getting out for a long-o-time-o! To get from his front door to the driveway he would have to crawl through a drift piled right up to the eaves of his house. That little pine tree in the middle points directly at the eaves. That smudgy rectangle to the right is a window.

Wonder how my car is doing?
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! It looks like the prow of a ship!!!! And in order to get the door open for the picture I had to push it through about a foot of snow.

Checked out the courtyard area, where the electric company has to slog through to read the meter. Looks like we'll be getting another estimate this month!
That drift on the left goes right up to the top of the gazebo. 8-O


And the front yard?
HOLY SMEG!!! Look at the size of that drift out my front window!!!!!!!

Snow makes the coolest shapes and patterns when it's blown around. Look at the way the snow curled around the eaves.


Severe Weather Alert:
NORTH WINDS OF 25 TO 35 MPH WITH GUSTS TO 45 MPH ARE CREATING BLIZZARD CONDITIONS. TRAVEL HAS BECOME EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS...IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE...IN MOST LOCATIONS. AREAS ROADWAYS...INCLUDING THE INTERSTATES...HAVE BEEN CLOSED...WITH THE PLOWS PULLED. THE
HEAVY SNOW BANDS WILL SLOWLY DIMINISH THIS EVENING...WITH LIGHT SNOW CONTINUING THROUGH MUCH OF THE NIGHT. THE WIND IN CONJUNCTION WITH VERY COLD TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED TO PRODUCE WIND CHILLS IN THE 30 TO 45 BELOW ZERO RANGE TONIGHT.

A BLIZZARD WARNING MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. FALLING AND BLOWING SNOW WITH STRONG WINDS AND POOR VISIBILITIES ARE LIKELY. THIS WILL LEAD TO WHITE OUT CONDITIONS...MAKING TRAVEL EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. DO NOT TRAVEL.
TRAVEL DURING A STORM SUCH AS THIS CAN BE LIFE THREATENING IF YOU ARE STRANDED


I'm out of bread and down to the last 3 glasses of milk. But I should have enough bourbon to see us through. :D

What's it like in your neck of the woods?