Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Rindercella and her Sugly Isters

Cinderella (Aussie-style) *snerk*

Cheers Protium. :D Don't let the cotton runts get you down!!!!

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks,so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Decorating

Heh heh. I sort of skipped decorating for Xmyth this year. Whoops.

I sent the kids off to be with my folks in Montana. Although.... come to think of it, Mum and Dad didn't decorate for Xmyth this year either. I guess it's the Year of Apathy for my family. *shrugs* Meh.

Although it is now the 22nd of December, and I've been thinking I really should do something to reflect the spirit of the season. So, I'm choosing between two different designs.

I'd really love to try the design on the right.

Unfortuantely, my fundy neighbor is just as apathetic about decorating for Xmyth as I am. *snerk*

So perhaps I'll try this next one... It's doable, straightforward and loaded with *snerkaliciousness*

Saturday, December 19, 2009

personal hygiene

A shower is a beautiful thing. And soap... why... it's so easy!!!!




EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!

Because having to air out the store after your stale arse has visited is just ewww x a zillion. GROSS!!!!!

Just another holiday tip.

Holiday Parking

How NOT to do it.

Shot with my mobile phone camera, this is taken straight out the glass door of my shop. WTF people? Seriously. It's all vertical parking there, NOT diagonal. However, in your rush to get your Christmas list checked off, feel free to park willy-nilly any damn way you please.

Those moving blobs around you are people living their own lives, NOT obstacles on your own private race course.


Just another friendly holiday tip from your friendly, neighbourhood phoenix.

Mike's Hard Spiced Cider

Mike's Hard Lemonade Co. has produced a seasonal sensation: Hard Spiced Cider.

Served chilled, it is truly spectacular. Refreshing. Tart. Spiced just so it is mouth watering and yet thirst quenching.

A word of warning though.

Under NO circumstances should it be heated.

That is the foulest, nastiest, lick your shirt drink ever to have the misfortune of being tasted.


Carbonated hot apple cider is NOT something to be experienced voluntarily.

Eat, drink Mike's, and be merry. But keep it cold.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Biblically Acceptable

It's important to live your life according to the examples set out in the bible.

This is only a smattering of that which is condoned and that which is proscribed. Head over to for a fun time.

party on dudes.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

why i love atheists

and Hugh Laurie

[insert thoughtful, inspiring prose about an abhorrence for the arbitrary replete with real-life examples, a love of reason, rationality and plenty of examples of them as well.]

[pause for happy dance while chanting, "Look at me, I'm blogging again"]

why I love Aussies

.... and Kiwi's. Except for the ones who can't stand to have their beliefs challenged or called into the light.

A New Zealand church put up this billboard.

Within 4 hours, some fundy had taken exception to it and spread his poo-coloured paint all over it.

Christians think their god is "the way, the truth, and the light". Yet faith in Jesus leads to fear, doubt, and darkness. *sigh* The poor deluded bastards. Reality... science... it's all so much more fascinating and interesting than the ramblings of illiterate goat-herders.

Merry Xmyth fellow bloggers! Wishing you the very happiest of holidays!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

the answer: yes, they do

The question.... In regards to God...

the poor bastards. and they think that is a morally just stance for him to take. Infinite punishment for a finite sin. *shakes head*