Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Pascal's Wager

Fundies often will say, where's the harm in believing in god? If he does exist and you don't beleive, then you are going straight to hell to be tortured for all eternity. Why not just believe? We atheists call this Pascal's Wager and there are several answers to it. Some of which have even been addressed on this blog.

This man has embraced Pascal's Wager to its fullest extent.

Additional- Richard emailed this link to me but he called it "fun from Stardust". I was hoping for something kinky, but got the definitive answer to Pascal's Wager.

So here is a hat tip in the direction of both of them because I don't have time to investigate the matter at the moment. For you see....

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late
I'm late and when I wave, I lose the time I save.
My fuzzy ears and whiskers took me too mych time to shave.
I run and then I hop, hop, hop, I wish that I could fly.
There's danger if I dare to stop and here's a reason why:
I'm over-due, I'm in a rabbit stew.
Can't even say good-bye,
hello, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.

blog ya later!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Apparently I'm purple at heart

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.

You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

Found this over at Tracey's blog. Thank Jeebus for the internet so we can fill out 5 questions and learn who we are.

I actually adore the color of my hair and can't imagine ever wanting to change it. It is a fantastically beautiful shade of red with about a billion highlights of various colors when seen in sunlight. Oh, and I still love my lips! :D

what to blog about

my bologna has a first name
it's o-s-c-a-r

my bologna has a second name
it's m-a-y-e-r

i love to eat him everyday
and if you ask me why i'll say
'cause oscar mayer has a way with

According to Richard my leadup for this sucks.

This vid is quite humorous (please click and enjoy) it's more than just a BBQ wiener movie.

(I'm sure Richard will let me know if this is ok.)

Friday, April 25, 2008

it's fucking snowing!!!

Right now!!!! 7:06 PM Friday April 25th 2008.

You have GOT to be kidding me!


I've already turned off the heat and packed away the winter gear dammit!!!!!! It's 58*F / 14.4*C IN MY HOUSE!!!!!



ok. I'm turning the heat back on.
But I am NOT happy about it.

[Additional] It's now 8:23PM Friday, April 25, 2008 and this is what it looks like out my bedroom window.

[2nd Addition] The next morning.

[3rd Addition] I have plans for this evening.

That snow has 3 hours to melt or I am taking DRASTIC ACTION. And I mean it!!! So there!!!!!!

Do you suppose snow responds to threats? Fiery tantrums? Phoenix in flames? Well here comes the sun! :P

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Expelled expunged

I found this over at Star Dust's blog here.

This is a fabulous response to the idiocy of Ben Stein's recent creationist pseudo-documentary Expelled, especially for the non-scientifically inclined. I know several of my reader's will find nothing they didn't already know here (ahem...Richard, Johnny, XO, and more...). Even so, the wit that it is presented with makes it worth a look see.

Plus the announcer has a yummy accent, which is always a win in my book. :)

Monday, April 21, 2008

the new look

Been blogging for a bit over a year now and thought since I was spring cleaning I might as well give the Lair a new look.

tidy bowl

If you stop by an earlier post of mine, open letter response to glob: village idiot, you will notice I deleted a comment. That was from a skid mark who is no longer welcome on my blog.

There is another post on this stain over at T&A's blog which is definitely worth a click and a laugh, it's priceless. Well done T&A.

Just so I am Tidy Bowl pristine clean and white...

Reg Golb you are no longer welcome to post on my blog.

You have repeatedly demonstrated an inability to add meaningful content to the discussions. The only reason you've lasted this long is that you have on the odd occasion stirred up a lot of debate. Stirred, but never consistently participated in. Never learned anything from.

The comments that were the final straw were the ones you made here on April 18, 2008 12:18 PM and at 12:21 PM and directed at Johnny and Maggie. Snide insults that you can claim were you "just being funny". So laugh yourself right off my blog and somewhere else because...

Reg Golb you are no longer welcome to post on my blog.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I love my lips!

This is the cutest thing I've seen in yonks. I stole the idea from Reed's new blog which, by the way he, like our own dear Poodles, has moved over to Wordpress. Except Reed got his on god-tube and I couldn't stand linking to their site so I found it on you-tube.

And if XO sees in this a continuation of the theme from a week or so ago. He'd be dead on accurate. *SNERK*

The thing that really strikes me about this video is the unabashed joy Larry the Cucumber takes in a part of his body. Certainly not an attitude condoned by society by any stretch of the imagination. You are not to enjoy your body or celebrate it in any way. It is something to be ashamed of, disgruntled with, and hated for its inability to live up to impossible norms established with an air brush, drugs and a no-food diet.

That being said, I have to proudly stand up and say with Larry, "I love my lips!" They are very talented and can provide a great deal of enjoyment.

Aye! Reg Golb

Originally written by T&A on Sunday, April 20, 2008
Copy-Pasted through the wonder that is Google Cached to save from permanent deletion.

Why are you wasting my time by posting comments here? You know you are not welcome, I asked you several months ago not to come around, yet here you are. Is it because the only attention you got and so crave has been cut off by Fiery? Why do you find it necessary to come to blogs where people who so strongly disagree with you dwell? You claim to "bring a different point of view" yet all you do is piss on other peoples opinions. So what gives? Why not spend your time at conservative/xtian blogs?

Is it this the reason you come around?

"I was talking to this interesting guy, I think he said his name was Reg Golb, he talked about how all these people were writing about everyday life on their blogs that could be viewed by everyone. He asked me how so many people could be so open, talking about everything, and sometimes with some provocative pictures on their sites. After talking to him for an hour I asked what he did. At first he was reluctant to tell me, but after a few more beers he was singing like a bird. It turns out that he is a self published author, hoping to score the big time. He admits to getting most of his ideas from people’s blogs."

Or is that another Reg Golb? Perhaps that's not it. Maybe it is because your life is pathetic, and your so called relationship with god doesn't fulfill you as much as you claim? What ever the reason, do us all a favor and FUCK OFF!

Don't bother trying to comment, you've been banned. If you somehow are able, I'll delete it again!

Wow. I was not expecting to see a medical diagram of an anus when I checked my feeds today.

But it makes sense. Give Reg Golb the brown-eye!
John Moeller | Homepage | 04.20.08 - 10:05 pm | #


Like John, I was not expecting to see a big Reg-err anus either!
I did some Googling-found his blog-this is a guy whose latest blog post is titled: "Rush is Still Right" so I guess t&a's assessment (no pun intended!) of Reg is correct!
MG | Homepage | 04.20.08 - 10:56 pm | #


The blog I found for this guy is "Nuggets of Wisdom" (!)
MG | Homepage | 04.20.08 - 10:58 pm | #


HAHA...thats a ripper, and so perfect for reg, he'll feel like he's looking in the mirror....well done!!!!
thumpthumpeyes | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 2:07 am | #


What she said.. Classic.
Protium | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 6:18 am | #



Holy shit, T&A that is a goddamned CLASSIC!!!!!!

Laughed until I had tears running down my eyes and it hurt to breathe.

that picture was a shocker and stunningly accurate.

A wonderful tribute to the former skidmark on my blog.
Fiery | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 9:17 am | #


Holy shit. What the hell have I missed!

Have you deleted past posts from this butt nugget?

If not I'd like to go back and peruse the dribble. Don't worry, I got a strong stomach.
Larro | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 11:38 am | #


John: Sorry for the unexpected anatomy lesson! You have admit that it is a nice likeness though...

MG: Nuggets of Shit is more like it!

TTE, Protium, Fiery: I was hoping you'd all get a kick out of it!

Larro: I deleted them. I don't want this waste of human space taking up residence on my blog.
Since he got kicked of of Fiery's blog, he's looking for a new place to spew his bullshit. But aint gonna happen here! I'm sure you have the stomach, as well as the rest of us, but enough is enough!
T&A | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 12:44 pm | #



*doubled over with laughter*

Butt Nugget.
tears streaming down face.



Thanks Larro that was great!
Fiery | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 1:19 pm | #


Wow, huh. If he shows up on my place again, I hope I can find something half as good to reflect my opinion. Nicely done.
Poodles | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 5:42 pm | #


HAHAHHAAAAAAA reg will now forever be known as BUTT NUGGET...and the classy anal shot will be his portrait...
thumpthumpeyes | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 6:56 pm | #


Didn't see his comments, glad I missed 'em.
Tex | Homepage | 04.21.08 - 11:12 pm | #


good job no one else was in the office when I opened this!

I hate to imagine how you found that picture.

So where is Glob residing now?
OzAtheist | Homepage | 04.22.08 - 12:43 am | #


Richard found him over on another atheist blog but didn't mention which one.

I'm quite certain that Butt Nugget is still lurking about and loving all the attention and speculation, aren'tcha Butt Nugget? Because some attention is better than no attention. Which is what you would get at a fundy site.
Fiery | Homepage | 04.22.08 - 4:00 pm | #


Poodles: Thanks, I'm sure he'll be back. You're more than capable to come up with something! My inspiration came when he posted some snide remark about Obama and those stupid made in China Flag pins. I reminded him he wasn't welcome here, and he posted again! That's when I thought of looking for a picture of a real asshole, since only real assholes don't respect others wishes.

TTE and Fiery: Perfect, he's Butt Nugget!

Tex: You didn't miss much.

Oz A: Good old fashioned Google! (sphincter)

Fiery: He's been lurking. I doubt I have a large readership from Bentonville. Not unless Walmart has made me an official blog!
T&A | Homepage | 04.22.08 - 10:42 pm | #


Laughing with tears in my eyes. Oh, and I plan on poaching that very pic, its gotta come in handy one day.
Joe | Homepage | 04.23.08 - 12:34 am | #


I've poached the pic as well, definitely will come in handy some day cos there's a lot of them around....haha....thanks T&A
thumpthumpeyes | Homepage | 04.23.08 - 1:11 am | #


Yeah, that was pretty graphic, good morning!
Wil | Homepage | 04.23.08 - 7:53 am | #


That Fucking surprised me
Well done
I dunno how all you people attract these ass holes, you are all relatively polite,hardly condescending until provoked and yet time and time again they come and try and show you their wisdom.
Ah well there'll no doubt be more.
BaalsBum | Homepage | 04.23.08 - 11:18 am | #


Joe and TTE: I hope it brings you many happy comments!

Wil: Sorry, I hope I didn't put you off your breakfast!

BaalsBum: I'm surprised you don't get more kooks over on your blog. I mean you ripping their "holey text" to shreds! If you reading this *edit* Butt Nugget,(Which I know you will) why don't you pop over to BaalsBum's blog, you might actually learn something about the bible!
T&A | Homepage | 04.23.08 - 12:57 pm | #


Ah-ah T&A, that's Butt Nugget!

fiery | Homepage | 04.24.08 - 1:46 am | #


Fiery: My mistake, It has been fixed!
T&A | Homepage | 04.24.08 - 10:43 am | #


Wow! I missed a lot!! Bummer!
Tina | Homepage | 04.24.08 - 4:45 pm | #


I'll have to let Larro know that he has found a great name for the guy.
Tina | Homepage | 05.03.08 - 9:52 am | #


Thursday, April 17, 2008

international travel insurance

I need some. Anybody have any thoughts?

Trip from May 27th to June 26th
Destination: Australia
Requirements: Health insurance- so if I break a leg, etc... I'm covered
Life insurance- $30,000+
Flight delay, baggage issues-

Anybody have any thoughts on companies? Policy types? Prices?

Thanks in advance for any helpful tips you may have, even if it is "Whatever you do, don't go with Urfarked Traveler Plans."


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Open Letter response to Glob: village idiot

This is in response to the various skid marks Glob left on this post Fundy Watch 2. For full context, feel free to stop by and help splash the shit from our pool. :)

Attention Glob: Village Idiot

Let me start by saying that when I meet people on my blog, I accept them as they present themselves. Why? Because I'm not trying to pick up young girls in a chat room, so I don't have to worry about any of you being FBI agents trying to get the goods on me.

You Glob could very well be a homosexual teenage Muslim male living in seclusion in India. But you present yourself as an adult male: probably under 45, married with a daughter AND a fundamentalist Christian. So don't give me any shit about not knowing who you are or how you approach life.

How about your assessment of me? Dawkins is my high priest? Fuck you Glob. Not even close. Which I've actually addressed to you before on my blog. But you couldn't be fucked reading it could you Glob? No. Why? Because it doesn't fit in with your fundy world view to see atheists as anything other than selfish, amoral, Darwin/Dawkins worshipping drones. It is you who know and have learned nothing about me.

Your words here speak for you, if you think your words here on my blog present you in a light other than how you've been treated or are perceived, do feel free to reference them and correct my (our) impression of you.

[Insert Glob's reply to my request not being worth his time and effort.]

The thing that pisses me off about talking to a fundy (yes you Reg Golb but also Janice and Dani) is that there is NEVER any coming to a consensus or general agreement about a subject. Why? Because when it comes down to the basics YOU ARE NOT RATIONAL! Any of you.

Let me say that again Glob. You are not a rational human being. You have chosen to make FAITH (Hebrews 11:1 Now FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.) in God the most important aspect of your life. That when it comes down to a choice between thinking with your brain and accepting the bible on FAITH you will go with FAITH every time.

This FAITH determines what you believe about the most basic elements of the universe.

Let's start with this. A is A.

WTF does that have to do with anything?

It is one of the most fundamental concepts in the universe. That existence exists. That there is something out there, that we can perceive, and we are individually capable of perceiving that which exists.

The fuck?

It means, Glob, that the desk you are sitting at as you read my blog is only a desk. It will never be anything else. It is a desk. You can use it for alternative purposes. You can bend your wife over it and fuck her silly but it will still be a desk. You can clear it off and chop up lettuce, veggies and chicken and make a Caesar salad, but it is still a desk. Recommend you wipe it off after the sex or that white creamy stuff that smells like tartar sauce is going to leave a fishy taste on your chicken.

But you don't accept that, do you Glob? You don't believe that the desk is ONLY and shall always only be a desk. You believe that it COULD be something else. That if your Lord God would stretch forth His hand he could make your desk into an elephant, or a Muslim Virgin one of 47, or a Mini Cooper loaded with $38 million in gold bullion.

You whinge about atheists not being able to answer the origins of life. Yet I remember distinctly Richard spending a large chunk of his valuable time addressing this very issue on this very blog with you! RIGHT HERE!! You inconsiderate fucking prick. You read and understood NONE of what he wrote. You did do a google search for a term and copy/pasted a response. But you didn't understand the science of it to say, "Richard- this part is wrong and here is why". OR "Richard- how can you say X when my understanding is Y".

But no. In typical Fundy fashion you LOOKED at what Richard said, understood NONE of it, Googled a few key terms until you found a fundy response to PART of what he said, put that up like you had contributed to the discussion and said "that's interesting". Richard took the time to not only read but also respond to the tripe you copied from somewhere else and what did you do Glob? You fucked off from that discussion and never came back. Why? Because you, Glob, don't know enough about science to respond to Richard. You Glob, being the fundy that you are stuck your fingers in your ears and went racing back to Bible School to get the atheist stain off your brain before it soaked in and damaged your FAITH.

Or how about This one? Where you Glob, asked me if I would die for my child. I asked you a few questions to define exactly what you meant and what did you do? You fucked off for nearly 2 weeks before being redirected back there and only addressed two other people's points to you but were "too tired" to pick up or remember the discussion with me. Why? Because when it comes down to it, you will not respond with reason or rational discussions but with your FAITH. And what do you do every single time that it is challenged and you have no response. You fuck off to whatever bible thumping activity you participate in until the waters you've stirred up here have calmed down and people have forgotten about the skid mark that you have left.

FAITH and reason do not mix and they never will. Reason looks to understand the world AS IT IS. FAITH looks to take the world and force it to fit the biblical world view. Science adapts and changes as new information is learned. Faith twists and contorts, denounces and denies new information to fit the old way of thinking.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

fundy watch 2

An exercise in state the obvious! :)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Maharishi Phucknuckel's Guide to Zen

In the fashion of every conscientious big brother, Protium sent me the following advice and life tips. I bolded the ones that were especially ... relevant. Two are specifically noted for Richard's appreciation. ;)

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

* The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

* Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

* Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

* Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

* Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.******

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

* Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

* If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

* Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

* Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

* Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.*****

* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.

* The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

* Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

******For Richard :-^

One Nation, Indivisible

Lifted this from T&A. It was originally written by Atheist Ethicist last December.

It's long, it's important, and it's worth the read.

A Perspective on the Pledge

Shelby Johnson had to admit that she was more than a little nervous as she walked into her first class. She was also a little late. Principal Hadley had kept her a little too long as he gave her a pep talk before she started her first assignment.

One advantage that she saw from this is that the class bell had already rung by the time she reached the classroom. All of the students were inside the room and most had selected a seat. Some were still standing as she entered, but they sat down while she dropped her books on her desk.

She wrote her name on the board, turned to the class, and took a deep breath before saying, “All stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.” She had been told that this ritual was useful in getting the kids’ minds focused on the fact that they were now in school and that the class had started, like the announcement that "all stand" before a judge entered the courtroom.

She paused when she noticed that one boy, near the back of the room, remained slouched down in his chair.

“Excuse me,” Shelby said, looking at the student. She stepped up between the rows to get a little bit closer and to make it clear who she was talking to. “Excuse me. What is your name?”

“Shawn,” the student answered. He scarcely looked up, but remained focused on the pen that he was fiddling with.

“Shawn. I would understand if you do not want to say the Pledge of Allegiance. However, I would like it if you would at least stand while the rest of the class said it, just to show a little respect to the flag.”

The boy sat silently for a second, then shook his head and said, “I don’t think I can do that, ma’am.”

Shelby got a sudden knot in her stomach. The rest of the students were standing and ready to start. She knew that they were all evaluating their new teacher, wondering what they were in for. She had heard stories of classes that would take a young and inexperienced teacher, chew them up, and spit them out again.

She asked Shawn, “Why not?”

Shawn kept his eyes focused on his pen, and slumped in his chair as if he was about to slide underneath his desk. When he spoke, his voice was soft, making it hard for her to hear him. "Ms. Johnson, the words 'with liberty and justice for all' were put into the Pledge in order to make us hate tyranny and injustice, right? I mean, we say the pledge because we are supposed to take a stand against tyranny and injustice. Those are bad things."

Shelby shrugged. This was, after all, supposed to be an American History class, and they would be talking about these things soon enough. "Yes. This country was founded on the idea that freedom is better than tyranny and justice is better than injustice."

Shawn glanced up, and made eye contact with her only for a second. She noted that he had nothing on his desk but his history book. Otherwise, she would have thought that he was reading something that somebody else had made him say. Shawn continued, "And the part about this country being indivisible. That was because of the Civil War. The guy who invented the Pledge wanted us to swear that we would uphold the Union and not promote rebellion. That's why he put the word 'indivisible' in the Pledge."

"Of course," said Shelby. "That's why you should show respect for the Flag. These are all good things that you should be proud of and that you should want to defend."

"Okay," said Shawn. "Then, 50 years ago, Congress added the word white to the Pledge of Allegiance. We are supposed to be one white nation, indivisible. When we pledge allegiance to one white nation, doesn't this mean that not being white is as bad as being in favor of rebellion or tyranny or injustice?"

"No," Shelby said with a sigh of relief. "No, not at all. Congress added that to reflect our heritage. It simply pays respect to the fact that all of our founding fathers were white, and that they clearly wanted to establish a white nation, and the fact that all of our past Presidents have been white."

"And all future Presidents should be white," Shawn added.

Shelby's smile vanished.

Shawn continued. "That's the real reason why Congress put the word white in the Pledge of Allegiance. It was not so much to show respect for our heritage, but to tell people not to elect a President who was not white. You can’t have a white nation unless all of your politicians are white."

"No," said Shelby hesitantly. "Anybody can grow up to be President. That is another one of the things that makes this country great. We'll be reading about that, too."

"Ms. Johnson. You're telling me that if I were going to run for President, nobody in this country is going to say, 'We are supposed to be one white nation, and that means we are supposed to be voting against anybody who isn't white, just as we are supposed to be voting against any president who supports secession from the union, tyranny, or injustice. Do you mean to tell me that Congress did not add the word white to the Pledge of Allegiance fifty years ago as a way of putting anybody who was not white at a political disadvantage?"

"Now, Shawn, you obviously know that you don't have to say the Pledge if you don't want to. I'm not asking you to say it. I'm just asking you to stand to show some respect for the good things that this country stands for. A lot of people died to buy you the freedoms you enjoy. Don't you think you owe them a little bit of gratitude?"

The boy bit his lip, and Shelby knew that she had struck a nerve with him. Still, he was not ready to give in. "Do you think that just because I don't have to say that this is one white nation that this means that the pledge is not racist?"

"Of course it isn't," Shelby said. "This is a free country. You should show your respect for all the good things this country stands for. You should be proud of those things and show some measure of gratitude to all of those soldiers and citizens that made this a free country."

Shawn looked up again, this time a little longer. "Ms. Johnson, if somebody was about to lead a room full of people in calling you . . . I'm sorry to say this, ma'am but I am just trying to illustrate a point here . . . if he was about to lead a whole room of your fellow teachers in calling you a cheep whore, and somebody said that you should stand and show your respect for what he was doing, would you?"

A couple of the other children snickered and Shelby felt her face grow hot.

"Shawn," she said. He continued to look at his desk. "Shawn! Look at me while I am talking to you."

Shawn showed no signs of moving for a few seconds. Then he let out a long sigh. He put his pen down and sat up straight in his desk. Folding his hands in front of him, he turned toward her and held her gaze. He did not flinch or look away. That did not help, Shelby thought to herself.

One of the other students, sitting on the opposite side of the room, shouted, "You liberals will not be happy until you have removed every sign of the white race from the public square."

Shawn shrugged and answered softly, "I am not saying that white people should be banned from the public square. I want the public square to be neutral on the issue of who is white and who is not. I do not see a problem with that."

"It's a problem if you're white!"

"That's enough!" Shelby shouted. "I have not given anybody else permission to talk!"

Just then, one of the other students – a white girl -- sat down. Shelby turned to her and said, "Jenny, I did not give anybody permission to sit down, either."

The girl remained seated. "It makes sense, Ms. Johnson. The Pledge states that you have to be white to lead this country, and that's not fair."

"Jenny, what do you want me to tell your parents when they ask me about how things are going at school?"

Jenny looked over at Shawn, then back at Shelby. "Tell them that I stood up for a friend. They'll understand. And if they don't; well, it's no big deal to do the right think when it's easy. A person really only shows her character by doing the right thing when it is hard. It's wrong, Ms. Johnson, to say that we have to be a white nation."

Shelby took a step back.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Johnson," Shawn said. "I know that this does not make your job any easier. I promise that I'm not here to cause any trouble. However, don't ask me to stand and show any respect for the idea that this has to be one white nation. I just can't do that. To be honest, I don't think you should be doing that either, but I will leave that up to you. Honest, Ms. Johnson, I’ll just sit here quietly until you’re done."

"Alright," said Shelby. "I'll discuss this with Principle Hadley and I'll let him decide. In the mean time, let's say the Pledge of Allegiance."

While most of the students put their hands on their hearts, two other students sat down. One was white, and the other was not.

The rest of the class followed the teacher's lead.

When they got to the middle of the Pledge, most of the students shouted, "…one WHITE nation…"

Shawn had been ready for it, and did not flinch. They were doing just what the all-white members of the Senate had done a couple of years earlier when a challenge to the Pledge made its way through the courts.

However, the outburst caught Shelby by surprise. She stopped and turned at the students who had shouted the word, and caught them smiling in self-admiration. After they finished, they took their seats, whispering among themselves and looking back at Shawn. Shelby reached into her routine for something comforting. She spoke hesitantly to the class. "Okay, let's start with introductions." Throughout the day, Shawn worried about whether he had done the right thing, and about what the costs might be. He had made some enemies in the school – students who called out taunts and insults down the hall between classes. Others whispered encouragement, though they tended to speak only when nobody else was listening.

During his study hall, the teacher hand handed him a note from Ms. Johnson asking him to meet her in her classroom at the end of the day. By the time the school day ended, the note was so badly worn that it felt more like cloth than paper, and was stained from the sweat from his palms.

Whatever Ms. Johnson had in store for him made Shawn less nervous than what his mother would say. He knew his mother was going to hear about this, and she would not be happy. She didn’t like her kid causing trouble in a new school. She just wanted him to study, get good grades, graduate, and leave.

Shawn, however, had other plans. He entered Ms. Johnson’s classroom. She was alone at her desk. “Close the door,” she told him. After he did so, she told him to pull one of the classroom seats up to her desk.

“I talked with Principle Hadley,” she said.

Shawn braced himself for the results of that conversation. He had suffered a confrontation with Mr. Hadley earlier the day on a white-only youth club called the Youth Scouts recruiting on school property. The Youth Scouts openly declared that non-whites were morally inferior to whites and, consequently, were not fit to be role models for children. Yet, they demanded to be allowed to recruit members in government schools and to use donated government property for their rallies and meetings on the grounds that denying them access to school children was discriminatory. Hadley, as it turned out, was a fan of the Youth Scouts.

“Principle Hadley said that we are required to offer the Pledge of Allegiance and, of course, we have to maintain order in the classroom. Since, as a non-white student, you are not required to pledge allegiance to one white nation, he said he could not see what your problem was. Just don’t say the pledge if you don’t like what it says.”

“I told you earlier, Ms. Johnson. The problem is that you are telling your students that they should pledge allegiance to one white nation, as if a non-white nation is not worthy of allegiance.”

“I understand your position, too, Shawn. Please realize, however, that this is not an exercise in racism. This is an exercise in patriotism. The school is perfectly within its right to encourage its students to be patriotic.” “But why are you telling them that being patriotic means you have to be white? Why are you telling them that a patriot has to support a white nation, and those who do not support a white nation means you are not patriotic. Ms. Johnson, that’s an insult to every non-white who ever served this country – including my dad, who died in the war.”

Shelby’s eyes widened and her expression grew suddenly soft. “Really? I’m so sorry, Shawn.”

“He died when his helicopter got shot down near Kabul. He was black. He certainly did not die because for the sake of one white nation. Can’t a person like my dad who did not believe in one white nation be a patriot?”

“I suppose he could.”

“Then why are you telling your students that he can’t be? Why are you telling them that to be a patriot they have to favor one white nation, and why are you telling those who do favor one white nation that they can’t be patriots?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying, Ms. Johnson. When you pledge allegiance to one white nation and call it a patriotic exercise, you’re saying that a non-white nation is not patriotic. How can you sit there and deny that?”

“Look, I’m not going to debate you on this. I can understand where you’re coming from. I just think you’re wrong, that’s all. But, I understand. I can see how you can be upset. After all, you can’t help the fact that you’re not white. It’s not like you could . . .”

Shawn slammed his palm down on his desk top and stood up. He then saw that he had startled the teacher, so he apologized and returned to his chair. Forcing himself to calm down, he said, “That’s not the point, Ms. Johnson. What if I could change my race? What if gene therapy made it possible for me to choose to be just as white as you are? You’re still saying that if I choose to be black, then I choose not to be patriotic. You’re still saying that for me to be patriotic I have to choose a white nation above all others. If I could choose, why can’t I choose to be black and be patriotic?”

“This is going nowhere,” Shelby said, still visibly shaken. “If you want, then you can leave the room when we say the Pledge of Allegiance. You don’t have to participate. You don’t have to listen. You don’t even have to be present.”

“That’s very symbolic, Ms Johnson,” Shawn answered. “You would have me leave the room – perfect symbolism for all of your white friends who think all of us who are not white should leave the country. It’s perfect symbolism for those who want to divide the country between those who are white, and those who are not-white, and for saying that those who are white can stay, and those who are not white should leave.”

“Stay, then,” Shelby said tensely. “Stay in your desk and be quiet until we’re done, just like you did today.”

“That’s also good symbolism, Ms. Johnson,” Shawn answered. “After all, the true patriots – those who are willing to pledge allegiance to one white nation, should do all the talking. Those who aren’t white should sit down and shut up. That’s also a very important message for you to be teaching your students, Ms. Johnson.”

“Then what do you suggest, Shawn? Help me out, here. I’m running out of ideas.”

“Don’t say the Pledge, Ms Johnson. Tell your boss that it’s wrong to tell your students that a person has to be in favor of one white nation to be a patriot and that you will not do it.”

“I can’t do that. We have rules Shawn. We can’t go breaking the rules just because we want to.”

“Well, Ms. Johnson, I think one of your students said something real important today. Remember what Jenny said? Anybody can do the right thing when it is easy. You only see a person’s moral character when she is willing to do the right thing when it is hard. Besides, Ms. Johnson, if the government doesn’t have the right to force you to say the Pledge – say, if you were black, like me – then they certainly you must have the right to refuse to teach it to others.”

Shawn then stood slowly. “I promise, Ms. Johnson, I won’t do anything to disrupt the class. I know how hard your job is. I’m just not going to support the idea that if somebody isn’t white, then he can’t be patriotic – particularly not after what happened to my dad. I couldn’t do that, and you shouldn’t expect me to.”

“Fine,” said Shelby.

“Good night, Ms. Johnson.”

“Good night, Shawn.”

As he left, Shawn started to prepare himself for the next conversation he would have. He pictured his mother coming home from work and asking, “How was school today?” Then, his palms started sweating all over again.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Forgiveness- 5 step program

Catholic World Youth Day descends on Sydney, Australia on July 15th.

In honor of the blessed occasion the GrandMaster Poobah for Australia, George Pelt, is offering sinful Catholics the opportunity for a plenary indulgence.

Now if you weren't raised Catholic or have much experience with their particular brand of madness you probably don't have a clue what a plenary indulgence is.

Indulgences are particular expressions of the mercy of God, and are linked to the effects of the Sacrament of Penance. Those in Heaven don't need our help, but those in Purgatory do, so we can receive an indulgence for ourselves or for them. The saints in heaven, particularly Mary, the Mother of God, can be of great assistance to us.

Apparently one can obtain this "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card for yourself or for someone you know in Nowheresville. Well fuck me twice daily if that doesn't sound like the deal of the century.

To obtain the plenary indulgence, miserable sinners must dot the following i's and cross the following t's.

For the "Plenary" or full indulgence to be obtained, certain physical actions expressing or accompanying the right attitude are required. For the newly granted WYD indulgence to be received, people should:

* devotedly take part in a sacred ceremony carried out publicly in honour of WYD Cross solemnly exposed or at least be attentive in the presence of this corss
[sic] by means of access in a public place either in a large crowd or alone;
* celebrate Sacrament of Penance (10 days before or after);
* receive Holy Communion (10 days before or after);
* pray for the Pope's intentions;
* recitation of Our Father, the Creed and prayerful invocation of the Blessed Virgin Mary (one Hail Mary).

BUT they will not receive the plenary indulgence unless they read the fine print which also contains the following stipulations...

...the requirements are duly fulfilled, and that the faithful are truly repentant, in accompanying the WYD CROSS on its journey through the countries of Oceania; this includes anyone who devotedly takes part in a sacred ceremony carried out publicly in honour of the CROSS of the "WORLD YOUTH DAY" solemnly exposed, or at least be attentive in the presence of this same CROSS by means of access in a public place either in a large crowd or alone, in a state of pious contemplation and prayer, including recitation of the Lord's Prayer and the Profession of Faith in a legitimate creedal formula, and also a prayerful invocation of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

This arrangement will be valid for this one occasion only... Anything to the contrary notwithstanding.

Reads like standard boilerplate to me.


I wonder if they offer a BOGO Deal (Buy One Get One). Just think, (you may as well, none of these morons will be)... anyway. Just think, fuckwits everywhere will be acquiring their very own "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card. I wonder what they plan to do with this temporary blind eye that the Pope has promised God will turn on their sinful activity.

I already got my "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card and so did every atheist on the planet. Technically I suppose everyone has one, it's just that the believer's don't know it and Catholics think they need to genuflect to a cross and dot themselves with holy water while muttering prayers to the great nothingness in a public forum in the presence of an ancient torture and execution device.

I don't miss believing in hell at all.

'cause it's THAT kind of day

A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter how desperately he looked. Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and tried to figure out what to do. As he stood there up to his chest in water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard on. Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently out of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!"

Although most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty redhead took a more direct course of action. She tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling, "Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch before it gets away!"

* * *

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favorite position is the "rodeo." The other guy asks, "What's the Rodeo position, and how do you to do it?"

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too' and then you try to hang on for 8 seconds."

* * *

Every time the salesman travelled to New York City, he always stayed at the same hotel, because the bellboy always managed to fix him up with the best call girls in town.

The salesman checks in. Unfortunately, the bellboy forgot that the salesman was arriving, and all the call girls are across town and busy. The bellboy runs out and buys a rubber blow-up doll, hoping the salesman will be drunk enough not to know the difference.

Sure enough, the salesman rolls in at midnight, drunk as a skunk. The bellboy helps him up to the room and puts him to bed next to the rubber blow-up doll.

The next morning, the salesman comes down and hands the bellboy the usual 100 buck tip.

The bellboy asks, "Was the company to your liking sir?"

The salesman responds, "Son, that was the weirdest girl I've ever been with."

"How so?"

"Well," the salesman says, "I took off all my clothes. Then I rolled over on top of her. Then I gave her neck a little bitty bite."

"What happened then?" the bellboy asks.

The salesman says, "Damn girl farted and flew out the window."

* * *

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do".

"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"

* * *

It’s been so long since I’ve had sex,
I’ve forgotten who ties up who.

* * *

There was a young maid from Darjeeling
Who said she had no sexual feeling
Till a sailor named Boris
Just touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling

sex on the brain

Sex And Your First Name

According to studies, (who cares which ones!) your sexual identity is revealed by the first letter of your first name. (Yes of course that's fucking stupid. It's a post about sex! Now play along!)

Birth name, blogger name, I don't care. Just let me know if you agree with the sentiment.

ME? I got A- for birth name and F- for blogger name. I can live with that.
In fact, after reading them a second time I like them even more.

TMH, FMN!!!!!!


-A- You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an upfront person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenges of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

-B- You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

-C- You are totally fucking marvellous!

-D- Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, behaving free and open.

-E- Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in awhile... it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book.
(Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)

-F- You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favourite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

-G- You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.

-H- You are an incredible lover, true friend, and all around awesome person!

-I- You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

-J- You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

-K- You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

-L- You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's saviour. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.

-M- You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.

-N- You are crap in bed.

-O- You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

-P- You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

-Q- You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

-R- You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not beg, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.

-S- You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.

-T- You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your own head.

-U- You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.

-V- You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.

-W- You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

-X- You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.

-Y- You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate.

-Z- For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in anyway bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

fundy watch

I was in town today and caught sight of this on the back of a fundy's car.

I wonder if it belongs to Dani , the fundy with her own special brand of Truth which is a LIE and a FANTASY, but is so much mOre beLIEvable if you Put in ranDom CapitalizatIons!!!!!!

So here I am, crouching behind a complete stranger's car, cellphone in hand, trying to lineup a good shot of their car's backside. HA! And wishing like crazy that the owner of the car would show up and ask me what I was doing.

Just capturing another fundy fairy-tale for my blog.

Coincidentally, this car was parked on the same street about 4 blocks west of the Red River Women's Clinic where the "Pray to End Abortion" protest occurred.

Morons abound. Watch yourself.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

pick one

I love snow.
I really do.
It's beautiful, chill, pristine flakes
Covering the world in their splender.

But for fuck's sake it's spring already!
I've already got my bike out and been for my first spring ride.
The winter survival gear is all packed up and put away for next season.
And this is what happened this afternoon!!!

32*F / 0*C

Could Jack Frost please smeg off and let the grass green up! PLEASE????!!!!!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I'm an Asshole-ee-ole-ee-ole!

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?

Approximately 1/3rd of the pages on this blog have swearing of some sort. Sounds about right. :D

Would love to see how XO's site stacks up.

Thanks for the link Poodles! :D

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

open forum 12

Happy April Fool's Day.

A day with great personal significance for me. I celebrate it every year by being universally unable to come up with a decent joke to play on anyone.

What's your best prank?

Oh... and it's still an open forum.

Ask and you shall receive. :)

Answers that is, cripes I'm not a fairy god mother! :D