In the fashion of every conscientious big brother, Protium sent me the following advice and life tips. I bolded the ones that were especially ... relevant. Two are specifically noted for Richard's appreciation. ;)
* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.
* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
* The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
* Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
* Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
* Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
* Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.******
* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
* Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
* If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
* Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.
* Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
* Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.*****
* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse.
* The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
* Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
******For Richard :-^