Sunday, April 13, 2008

Forgiveness- 5 step program

Catholic World Youth Day descends on Sydney, Australia on July 15th.

In honor of the blessed occasion the GrandMaster Poobah for Australia, George Pelt, is offering sinful Catholics the opportunity for a plenary indulgence.

Now if you weren't raised Catholic or have much experience with their particular brand of madness you probably don't have a clue what a plenary indulgence is.

Indulgences are particular expressions of the mercy of God, and are linked to the effects of the Sacrament of Penance. Those in Heaven don't need our help, but those in Purgatory do, so we can receive an indulgence for ourselves or for them. The saints in heaven, particularly Mary, the Mother of God, can be of great assistance to us.

Apparently one can obtain this "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card for yourself or for someone you know in Nowheresville. Well fuck me twice daily if that doesn't sound like the deal of the century.

To obtain the plenary indulgence, miserable sinners must dot the following i's and cross the following t's.

For the "Plenary" or full indulgence to be obtained, certain physical actions expressing or accompanying the right attitude are required. For the newly granted WYD indulgence to be received, people should:

* devotedly take part in a sacred ceremony carried out publicly in honour of WYD Cross solemnly exposed or at least be attentive in the presence of this corss
[sic] by means of access in a public place either in a large crowd or alone;
* celebrate Sacrament of Penance (10 days before or after);
* receive Holy Communion (10 days before or after);
* pray for the Pope's intentions;
* recitation of Our Father, the Creed and prayerful invocation of the Blessed Virgin Mary (one Hail Mary).

BUT they will not receive the plenary indulgence unless they read the fine print which also contains the following stipulations...

...the requirements are duly fulfilled, and that the faithful are truly repentant, in accompanying the WYD CROSS on its journey through the countries of Oceania; this includes anyone who devotedly takes part in a sacred ceremony carried out publicly in honour of the CROSS of the "WORLD YOUTH DAY" solemnly exposed, or at least be attentive in the presence of this same CROSS by means of access in a public place either in a large crowd or alone, in a state of pious contemplation and prayer, including recitation of the Lord's Prayer and the Profession of Faith in a legitimate creedal formula, and also a prayerful invocation of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

This arrangement will be valid for this one occasion only... Anything to the contrary notwithstanding.

Reads like standard boilerplate to me.


I wonder if they offer a BOGO Deal (Buy One Get One). Just think, (you may as well, none of these morons will be)... anyway. Just think, fuckwits everywhere will be acquiring their very own "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card. I wonder what they plan to do with this temporary blind eye that the Pope has promised God will turn on their sinful activity.

I already got my "Get Out of Hell FREE" Card and so did every atheist on the planet. Technically I suppose everyone has one, it's just that the believer's don't know it and Catholics think they need to genuflect to a cross and dot themselves with holy water while muttering prayers to the great nothingness in a public forum in the presence of an ancient torture and execution device.

I don't miss believing in hell at all.

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