Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

A woman was asked by a coworker, What is it like to be a Christian?' The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.' God picks you from the patch brings you in and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed... Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'

Translation:

What is it like to be a Christian? It's like being a pumpkin. There you are minding your own business, growing, enjoying the sun, looking forward to the rain, using the nutrients in the soil to create seeds deep within you that will become your children, your gift to the future. As you struggle to survive your flesh grows plentiful as you store the nutrients you need to be attractive to those that will spread your seed far and wide.

God comes along, ripping you from your source of nutrition. He takes you indoors away from the sun and the rain and plops you on his table. He takes a sharp knife and finishes the job of murdering you. Stripping from you all that you had worked your entire life for. With a quick flick of his wrist he destroys your chance at the future and passing on all that was perfected in your genetic lineage. He slits you open, gutting you, and taking his knife in his hand he makes you into that which you were not intended to be. A smiling, mindless, brainless, pointless creation with a little candle stubbed inside of your hollow emptiness. Dead and slowly rotting he puts you out with the others he has made and in 2 weeks when you've served your decorative purpose you will rot and fall apart and be thrown away with the trash. Forgotten.



Alternate title: Why I am an atheist and god can go fuck himself.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yessssss!!!!!!! Love it.

I also found it rather ironic that someone came up with the idea to use a jack o'lantern to prove why their sky daddy is so super duper righteous, when so many of them condemn Halloween as evil and not at all what their gawd would approve of. Fucking retarded hypocrites!

uzza said...

FTW! This is great!

Joe said...

You kill me.

Poodles said...

Excellent!

ozatheist said...

Your interpretation is much more accurate. Well said.

KWombles said...

I hadn't heard of the God/pumpkin analogy before; it really isn't a good one, is it? Your deconstruction was extremely detailed proof for why the Christians who come up with analogies for God's relationship to humanity ought to spend some time thinking about how it could be otherwise be explained.

Tina from Houston said...

Brilliant!