The rules...
1- post the rules
2- answer the "unanswerable questions" using your skills as a smart ass
3- tag the smart asses you know to do the same
4- post a list of the unanswered questions at the end of the post for the convenience of the smart asses you tag
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He scrapes it off with his father's knife.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Because sometimes it helps!
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? 'Cause they're feckin' baaaaahstahds!
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? government regulations and insurance purposes
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 'cause touchin' wet paint feels cool!
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? Onomotopeia- it's the sound the poor bastards make when they try to talk
What is the speed of darkness? the speed of light +.0001 as darkness flees from light
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours? because when the baby is actually asleep, they are cherubic and angellic and sleep in total trust that the world is a safe place.
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics? Nup! They carravan in the normals on the short bus.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? cold enough to freeze your knackers off
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? yes
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? who says they are a good idea?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? because they want to see the loogie land.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Mr. Mammary
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum." an egg head
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? nurses in the Emergency Room scrape burnt toast for the charcoal to absorb ingested drug overdoses
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? because you don't snack out of the freezer in the middle of the night
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? ummmm... you're not supposed to point to your bum?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? to continue the illusion that you have some privacy. same reason for the drape during the procedure
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs ! Because Goofy has evolved beyond the four legged stance.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? annoying.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? glycerin
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? no, but they think it does
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? because early primary school teachers had to play them on the piano... two birds....
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? noodles are noodles
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? have you smelled your breath recently?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? nope, just something to do
I TAG THE FOLLOWING SMART ASSES TO TACKLE THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:
Xavier Onassis
Protium
Thump Thump Eyes
Richard
Poodles
Sean
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...THE UNANSWERED QUESTIONS...
~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
3 comments:
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
His testicles never descended, cause the wolf puppies would have eaten them.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Reality is a piss off.
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Catholic guilt works.
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
No heat in the cockpits.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
They don't believe you ...stupid, but nor can they argue.
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Xecotcovach: a Mayan bod that tore the eyes out of the first men. His name means "Face-Gouger". He's the same as God's demand that Adam and Eve not eat the fruit of The Tree of Knowledge.
What is the speed of darkness?
The distance light travels from the moment the light turns green and the New York taxi driver behind you hits the horn, a negative number..
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Who sleeps more than two hours in a row?.
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
No one at the Special Olympics is normal.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
It's not always that small, REALLY!!! Come back? Pleeeese?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
You are only as old as you think you are. Whooops, too serious. Buzz Off, Chomsky.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
We? Speak for yourself, cunt.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
They are not looking on the ground, they are looking in apartment windows.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Men with thick lenses and hairy palms. Hey, it was fun!!
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Any Democrat.
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Who cares. Mr. Melba turned dry crackly wafers into a fortune.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because light beer freezes faster.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
"Bum" is ambiguous. Did you want an enema, or did you want to sleep on the street?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Because you didn't care for yourself, you are uglier than you ever dreamt.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Because Minnie was naked, and Pluto was looking the other way.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Uh... gonads?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Aushwitz drippings. That's abhorrent; see #2 above.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do people park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Internet copyright infringement.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
You mean people get the full effect of alphabet soup are literate??
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Who would blow a dog? Oh, ...in the face.
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Of course, push my buttons more and I'd elevate faster.
**Raucus applause and wild
cheering**
Oh very well done Richard!
BRAVO!!!!!
Those were hilarious!!!!
Thank you for playing!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!!
What is this??? I'm the only guy to answer Fiery's challenge. What a bunch o' dipschjtz. :-P
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