Friday, February 1, 2008

fundy spam 1: I sell the saw!

Periodically I get fundy spam from well-meaning relatives sharing the "good news" with each other. You know the kind, the ones that end with "send this on if you believe in Jebus. Delete this if you don't". Well I'm starting a new blog feature that I'll call "fundy spam" and when I get the odd fundy spam worth commenting on, I'll share it with you.

This one was called "Serious Message" and was a simple set of cartoons that I've added my own thoughts to on the side.

Here we see the sheeple, living out their dream of tagging along in Jeebus' wake as he commanded in Luke 9:23 "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."

Look at the world they are living in- drab, joyous, meaningless plodding along carrying an instrument for their own torure with them.

However, they are all wearing pants, that's something! Personally, I'd hate to drag a cross in a skirt and heels.

The journey continues. But why alone? Because Jebus commanded it saying in Matthew 10:34-39 "34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

The cross is getting heavy and starting to be a bit of a.... well a drag really. But our sheeple knows that Jebus said in Matthew 17:20 for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

But as in all things prayerfully done it all boils down to the pleader getting off his tookus and taking care of business himself.

Wow, he's whistlin' Dixie now! What a load off!

Just look at him off in the background there, why his cross doesn't even drag on the ground anymore! No more bumping along for him, no sirree!

With some of the load off he realizes that there is nothing to see but sheeple from horizon to horizon draggin' their big ole heavy crosses along behind them.

Still, lugging that stupid thing around is boring and starting to get heavy again. But in Matthew 11:28-30, Jebus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am meek and lowly in heart' and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." So it's not supposed to be heavy, the cross burden should be light.

If only it were lighter....and cooler...

...but "cross" is so first century. Maybe something more heroic.
Like a two-handed wooden broadsword.


And with his new improved heroic cross, our sheeple begins to whistle, "Onward Christian Soldier, marching off to war".

Uh oh.... the other sheeple still have big honkin' wooden crosses they can use to cross the gap. Notice how the sheeple are only worried about getting themselves across. There's no building a bridge and putting up handrails.

No thought of checking to see if friends, family members or people they care about get to cross too, let alone if pefect strangers are making it.

Nope, following Jebus is a personal thing, "I get to go cross the gap because I carried the whole cross all by myself so."

"You didn't- well, sucks to be you!"

"I will get to see you roast in hell though! Scream nice and loud so I can hear you over the nacho chips and dip I'll be eating."

Awwww that sweet love of the fundy comes ringing through loud and clear, does it not?

20 comments:

Richard said...

Fiery, your second sentence is a LIE. You liar!!
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA! @#$%&*()_+!!

There is no way they said this:

"send this on if you believe in Jebus. Delete this if you don't".

We ALL know they said "Jesus", not "Jebus".

Now we can never believe anything you ever say again. You have hacked off the bottom of your own cross!!!

There, we caught you, you trouble making red-headed Cat!! ;-)
*****

Note: an implication you have not mentioned as far as the second frame, is that life is a process of struggling against pain, rather than a belief that one can freely and joyfully pursue one's own happiness ON THIS EARTH!

Richard said...

Matthew 10:34-39 ... COOL! That is my favorite passage in the Bible!! --for revealing its evil. Of course, there are many many others. I quite like the way Job's daughters made sure he knocked them up too... incest is a relative affair. and a Biblical necessity in a pinch :-O
...
No handrails?????? What are the handicapped supposed to do? How very politically incorrect. KILL THE NON-BELIEVERS! BURN THEM IN HELL! HELL, STONE THEM, FREE OF SIN OR NOT... who cares, its fun to pound sinners to a pulp as long as they don't catch ME! (***runs of carrying his cross***)

But I notice the cross-chopper is finally on his knees, just the way the fundies want to see him! "Who does that arrogant bastard think he is? He isn't better than US!! We have GOD on our side!!"

(At least our church had a padded kneeling ledge.)

Hey, buddy, cut the friggin crossbar off and pole vault to Heaven! Then sell your pole to the next guy behind you with a short cross. That's Capitalism... you both benefit.

IMHO fundies are sanctimonious bas-TURDS.

Reg Golb said...

"No thought of checking to see if friends, family members or people they care about get to cross too,"

I thought you were sent this from a family member?

Richard said, "Now we can never believe anything you ever say again. You have hacked off the bottom of your own cross!!!"

You and Fiery aren't carrying a cross, you are selling the saw.

Poodles said...

That kid looks young and somewhat in shape, he could easily throw the cross to the other side then jump.

Fiery said...

Richard-
*oh the shame* I'm sure that "Jebus" bit was just a typo!!!! Surely you won't hold that against me?

*snerk*

As for the Matthew verses- yeah, Religion of Peace my arse!!!

Glob- do you see any of those sheeple looking around to see if the poor bastard gets across the gap? Nope they don't care.

If it wasn't too obscure, I'd add "I SELL THE SAW" to my signature line. HAHAHAHAHAAH!! I LOVE IT!

Good one! You're damn right Glob, I sell the saw. Wanna buy one? I'll give you a fantastic deal! In fact, the first cut is free, just a sample of course. Mine's just a garden variety hack-saw, Richard has the power saw!!!!!

}:-D

Fiery said...

Poodles- an excellent point! RUN FUNDY RUN!!!!!!

Richard said...

Reg, justice is both condemning the bad and praising the good. Your line was awesome: "You and Fiery aren't carrying a cross, you are selling the saw." Fabulous, well done.

I have a better idea, just throw the f'ing cross away. Passion in the medieval sense is no virtue! That cross is just a symbol of Passion. Add a tortured body, dehydrated cracked lips, deep bleeding gash in its side, thorns thrust into its scalp, spiked hands and feet as its only support and you have the most well known symbol of adoration on the planet. Utterly Vile.

Is such passion what is needed to make one's mother a better being?

Is that what one needs in order to see The Way, The Truth and The Light?

Is that is what one should adore, in order to live happily on EARTH?

No matter who wears a crucifix on a necklace, no matter what church I drive by, no matter what article or announcement about a Pope Bishop or priest I should hear, no matter what mention of Baptism or of children in Sunday School, or of religious 'fatherly' love, I instantly feel such abhorrence that I sense vomiting would be appropriate.

Now that was passionate in the modern sense.

Richard said...

(I may be hijacking this thread, so Fiery pull this if you like)

I have to tell everyone here that I have started reading Darwin's Ghost: The Origin of Species Updated by Prof Steven Jones.

The first chapter details, very thoroughly, the Evolution and Natural Selection of a modern virus. This is not done by casual observation. It was done through DNA analyses from numerous natural sources over many decades and in many parts of the world.

The earliest samples obtained were from 1940. The DNA changes show speciation into two types #1 and #2. Each type is best adapted to hosts of a specific type. There are subspecies in each of the two species. The virus evolves in direct response to drug treatments and even to sexual abstinence. Where promiscuity is most common the subspecies that kills more quickly is more common.

Where monogamy is prevalent in the host population, the virus that kills its host much more slowly is Naturally Selected. As a result there are the two main species and some six sub-species that spread best.

In any given host, thousands of mutants of the virus occur among the billions of virus particles that are produced by RNA replication.

There is zero doubt that Evolution by Natural Selection has been plainly observed.

What's the virus?

Fiery said...

Richard said, (I may be hijacking this thread, so Fiery pull this if you like)

Strangely, Richard, that is ALWAYS an option, not just when a commenter says it is an option.
;)
:P

No fair googling the virus!

Protium said...

I'm guessing it's in the Retroviridae family... HIV perhaps?

Stardust said...

Glob- do you see any of those sheeple looking around to see if the poor bastard gets across the gap? Nope they don't care.

This is exactly true.

And the only reason they want us to jump on the Jebus bandwagon is to reinforce their own delusions. The more who believe, the more real it becomes for them.

And another thing, why would they care anyway? They are supposed to be so much in adoration of their Lawd that they won't even know what is going on around them. They will be too busy kissing the ass of their gawd to notice any screaming going on down in the fiery pits "down there".

It's all such bizarre mythology.

Stardust said...

Oh...and try sending some atheist spam and see what happens! The Xians become vicious!

Reg Golb said...

Thanks Richard, I always think my jokes are funny, even though most of the time I am the only one. I hope I brought a little joy to your life. Like Fiery said though, I don't have joy, or happiness and neither do any of my fellow believers, NOT.

Interestingly enough, this cartoon in not the Bible, or even meant to be.

Richard said...

HIV is it! Protium wins bragging rights! The clue was in its association with sexual transmission.

Syphilis is not as 'flexible' a virus. As I recall there is a length of RNA in HIV that is particularly susceptible to mutation. Given the millions of replications occurring in one victim's body, the victim can pass on several mutant variations at once.

This means the HIV particles that suit the new host best, will multiply best, while adding their own variants. Nonetheless, the more stable portions of the RNA code retain the basic HIV identity. A scary disease.

The N.American variety, as opposed to the African form*, is much less transmissible by ordinary intercourse, requiring damaged tissue to enter the new host. Some 95% of this HIV is transmitted by anal intercourse, with another 2-3% by needles, damaged gums and medical use of contaminated blood (ref: The Myth of Heterosexual Aids by Michael Fumento)

[*Assuming the Africans are not lying about the kind of 'intercourse' they are having.[

***

Latest religious news: the last bombing in Iraq was by two women with Down's Syndrome: —suicide bombers or victims of fundies??

Fiery said...

Glob barfed forth.Interestingly enough, this cartoon in [sic] not the Bible, or even meant to be.

Well maybe in not in your translation, are you sure your translation in the correct one?

Fiery said...

Stardust- the fundies just loooooove saying "10 million believers can't all be wrong". They take great comfort in the ole Argumentum ad Populum.

And way to go Protium! Ya sharp cookie you!!!!!

Richard said...

Reg I'm not big on bursting bubbles if they are harmless, but religion IS extra-ordinarily harmful.

All religion is harmful to the happiest believer, just as cocaine (which killed one of my best friends) is harmful even at the 'happiest' moment it brings. And, like anyone on drugs (including alcohol) the self-respect of the so deluded can only be maintained by evasion of Truth That is, self-blinded by faith in falsity.

Paraphrasing Karl Marx, "Religion is the opiate of the masses!" And Mass is that first big toke (snort or injection) of the evening. [N.B., Marx said, "of the people"... argumentum ad populum]

Or, (Fiery) eat sh_t, ten BaGillion flies can't be wrong.

Stardust said...

the fundies just loooooove saying "10 million believers can't all be wrong". They take great comfort in the ole Argumentum ad Populum.

fiery, yet they do not apply that reasoning when considering other religions who have billions of followers.

Christianity makes up only 33% of the world's religions and there are approximately 300 branches of Christianity and approximately 38,000 Christian denominations.

Christians cannot even agree amongst themselves on their own god beliefs and Bible interpretation.

Poodles said...

Stardust...SSSSHHHHH!!!!
ixnay on the uthray alktay... They think they are a majority. They are mostly sheltered in their knowledge of religions including their own.

Let them have their narrow bubble. :D

Johnny said...

He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.

HURL what a sickening despicable aspect of a ridiculous belief system. There will be no-one or nothing ever until I die that I will love more than my daughter. You christians just plain suck. How on earth do you tell you're family there is someone you love more than them? Oh that's right you try and suck them into believing too ha fools!
I like what you said about passion Richard, despicable to believing that suffering is needed for redemption, riduculous to say we need redemption in the first place, to believe we are all tainted because of an obvious fairy tale, figs suck anyway.

Another example of the god botherers having to retro explain the world, because there is suffering in the world and they want to believe, they have to explain the suffering in terms of god's creation. I personally reject the dichotomous ideals they hold- if there is good there has to be evil if there is god there has to be a devil. They already believe in a place where there is no pain suffering or evil . It does not make sense to say an all good god could not cut out the middle man of pain and suffering and just have created earth as heaven already.

Thanks Richard, I always think my jokes are funny, even though most of the time I am the only one.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!