She was two. Now she's four.

Johnny brought my attention to this article. "Priest can't be prosecuted for failing to report abuse" in the Herald Sun, an Australian newspaper.

A young father sexually mollested his two year old daughter. Being the good christian man that he was, he confessed his sin to his priest.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I touched my little girl in her private place. I made her put her hand on my naughty place. She's only two Father, what should I do?"

"My son...Jesus died on the cross to forgive you for all your sins. No sin is so great that it cannot be washed away by the blood of the Lamb. Please...I can see how troubled you are by this, my son. Bring your family and move in with me for a short time. And I will help you and yours towards righteousness."

After the Priest entertained the little girl, her father and her mother in his home for a short time, he declared them ready to return to their own home.

I wonder if Father O'Feely got in a diddle or two while the child was enduring his hospitality?

Now two years later, the father has turned himself in at the police station.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes. My daughter, she's four now, cute as a button she is. Anyway, I... well you see officer... I touched her twinky. I like touching her twinky. It makes me feel glittery. Is that wrong of me? I talked to my priest about it and we spent a few weeks at a retreat at his house and then he sent me home. But I'm starting to not feel so right with god about this anymore. What should I do?"

That priest did nothing about the abuse. He told no one. He offered no real intervention. He stood aside and allowed it to continue. By sanctioning the father's behavior, he is guilty and should be prosecuted fully.

By not requiring a priest to report sexual abuse the church proclaims to one and all that the sanctity of the confessional is more important than a child's life.

Big surprise coming from a religion that absolves the sinner of all personal responsibility for their sins.

"Go my son and sin no more. But if you do sin, you know where to find me. And bring your daughter around with you next time."

Nearest Book Thread

T&A of the inked forearms and biceps has tagged me for another thread. This one is called "the Nearest Book".

Here are the rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book with more than 123 pages.
2. Go to page 123 in the book.
3. Find the first 5 sentences.
4. Post the NEXT 3 sentences.
5. Tag 5 people.

I was disappointed that the NIV Student Bible I had sitting on the cabinet next to me had been shoved out of the way.

If it HAD been the book nearest me the 3 sentences would have been
Leviticus 18:3-4
3 You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Cannan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. 4 You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees.

Not a lot of grey area there- stone naughty children, don't suffer a witch to live and selling your daughter as a sex slave is acceptable. Check. Thanks god. Good to know.

I was also hoping it might have been a favorite of mine Beauty: A Retelling of the Story of Beauty & the Beast by Robin McKinley.

If that one had been the book nearest me the 3 sentences would have been
Breakfast was laid on the table by the fire, which was burning once again. I bounced joyfully out of bed. Every morning in the city my maid had brought me toast and chocolate: How did they know?

Toast with Nutella or hot buttered toast with hot chocolate... either way mmmmmmmmm. :D

On the other hand I was really hoping it would be Secret Fire by Johanna Lindsey.
He too had forgotten that he was still grasping her leg, which had been a purely impulsive hold, unnecessary to detain her. He took his arm away, but did not immediately remove his hand, letting the fingers trail up her thigh as she put her foot down. He heard her sharp intake of breath at the deliberate liberty, but didn't regret it in the least, even when she swung around to glare furiously at him.

All three of those books were in a stack, but not as close as the book given to me by our very own Thump Thump Eyes. A controversial book by Philip Pullman that the fundies have been flipping over because it was written by an ...*whispers* atheist...!!!!!!!

OH NO!!! THE ATHEISTS ARE WRITING CHILDREN'S BOOKS NOW!!!! ARMAGEDDON!! ARMAGEDDON!!!! Not only that but godless Hollywood had the temerity to make a movie out of it: The Golden Compass. Where...if the fundies are to be believed... children kill God the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth! *GASP*

There was a light in the parley room window. It was too high to look through, but she could hear a low rumble of voices inside. So she walked up to the door and knocked on it firmly five times.

I would love to know what book is closest to
Johnny
Richard
Protium (Here's hoping it's a technical manual!!!!)
Sean
OzAtheist

why do I blog?

The blogosphere is an amazing and wonderful place. Last April I dipped my toes in and I've never looked back.

OzAtheist has tagged me (quite awhile ago now... sorry OzA) to do a "Getting to Know Me" type thread addressing the question "why do you blog?"

One reason I blog is as a means of organizing my thoughts about atheism and what it means to have a rational approach to life. These are the posts that I get the most out of and that seem to garner the biggest response.

My blog has been rather higgldy piggldy with me writing about a wide variety of things that impact my life. In fact, in spite of calling it "Atheist Homeschooler" I rarely write about the secular education of my children.

A second reason I blog is to keep developing my writing skills. I'm one of the many, many people who claim to have "always wanted to be a writer" and this blog is my dip into that pool.

The most important reason I started to blog, though, was to meet people. Being a homeschooling mommy is a lonely sort of thing. At least for me it is. I live in a town of 216 (at least that is what the sign at the city limits says). Of that 216, I visit approximately zero of them on a regular basis. At one point I spent a fair amount of time with my fundy neighbor (Ken) and his cousin (John) playing Skip-Bo. But Ken's unsuccessful attempt to bring me to the loving arms of Jebus put the ole kibosh on that.

I'd have to say that my goal of meeting people has been a brilliant success more so then I ever imagined. I went from having just one friend from high school in my life, to having friends across the country and around the world. I have people who send me the occasional personal email, I've been put on two "forward-to-group" lists, I've found at least 2 who would be an absolute delight to go hell raising with, two people I am closer to than my biological siblings, someone to write poetry with and someone I would emigrate to be with.

If you've ever commented on my blog, then you are a part of the community that has developed here, a part of the ambiance. You are what keeps me writing.

If you are a lurker, then a discreet welcoming wave to those standing at the back and I hope you continue to come back and peek in, knowing that you are always welcome to pop up and throw your 2 cents in.

When I started my blog back in April I never imagined my life would follow the path that it has. My blog has absolutely changed my life and will probably continue to influence the direction it takes.

the blogosphere: a portrait
YOU ARE HERE!

*hat tip to Richard for sharing this article with this pic in it.


***


Now to pass the fun on to others....

Rule 1) List three reasons for your blogging.

Rule 2) List the rules.

Rule 3) Tag three others with the thread.

I tag these 3 to answer the question... Why do you blog?
1. Sean
2. EvolveIntoBirds
3. Thump Thump Eyes

now how to get to Los Angeles???

That is my current dilema.

I think I've got it sorted how to get from LA to Australia and back.

Now I'm looking for a good deal from Fargo, ND (FAR) to Los Angeles, CA (LAX) for under $400 USD.

Anyone have any tips?

$390 with Frontier Airlines is the best I can put together.

Thanks all for the AWESOME suggestions!!!!!!

I need a travel agent!!!!!!

Off to the Land of the Aussies

I've been invited by certain wonderful, charming, utterly delightful and magnificently generous individuals to visit them in the Land Down Under!!!!

WOOOHOOO!!!!!!!

...

*pause for a ecstastic dance*

....

Proposed itinerary:

leave Tuesday May 27th
in time for the long weekend for Foundation Day (WOOHOOO!!!)
return Thursday June 26th

Most pressing decisions I'm currently working on.
How to get the best deal on tickets.
Orbitz.com ???
Wholesale-flights.com ???
BookQantas.com.au ???
Wholesale-fares.com ???

What airlines (if any to avoid)?

Eventually will need tips on
- what kind of carry-on luggage to use
- what to bring
- what not to bring

Let the advice fly!!! Don't hold back! PLEASE!!! :D

And if you or anyone you know is a good travel agent. Could you pass them my email address and I'll get back to them right away!!!!!
atheisthomeschooler at yahoo dot com

Missing In Action

Say.... anyone know what happened to Ryan Green of Crazy Christian Blog? Both his profile and blog are down.

It bother's me when bloggers up and vanish. Anyone know if he's alright?

I've got the munchies!!!!

So let's go shopping!

(All pics taken by yours truly on my handy-dandy cellphone! YAY modern technology!)


First stop something salty:
Mmmmmm. I wonder if these are still viable and can be grown??? Bummer about the lack of THC content. *snerk*


Next stop something sweet:
Ummmmmmm. Heh heh and me without my can-opener. DARN!




Last stop liquor store (bottle shop)




Checkout counter
Oh I have GOT to get me one of these. The title is just so deliciously ironic!

How are you this evening?

Tonight was movie night. Good Luck Chuck starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba. I know Jacob, I know. You hate him. I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't wreck things between us. :) See! I'm smiling sweetly and asking so nicely for you to forgive this one small foible, this one tiny step off the path into dorksville. puhlease? k. thanks :D

Now if you haven't seen GLC let me recommend it for the simple fact that there are a bazoodle of sex shots in a mind boggling variety of positions Brady Bunched across the screen for your viewing pleasure. That alone makes it worth a look-see. The movie itself... decent. Though I would have gone a different direction with the plot.

So... half way through the phone rings.

WTF????

The only people that call my land line are

-my fundy neighbor (he called earlier today asking for soy sauce),
-my Mom or Dad (98% of the time they are calling for tech support),
-Protium & Thump (wrong time of day),
-Johnny (still sleeping),
-Heather (a recording from Accounts Services about the balance on a credit card that I don't have, won't have, never have had. She's persistent though, I'll give her that. I've been hanging up on Heather for going on 2 years now.)

That's it. Nobody else calls. Ever.

*ring*

Fiery: long suffering sigh

*ring*

I take off my headphones (we're watching the movie on my laptop).

*ring*

Fiery: "Who the hell is that?"

*ring*

Fiery: "Alright already!!!! I'm coming as fast as I can! WTF DO YOU WANT?????" (I love shouting at the phone when they can't hear me.)

*ring*

Fiery: "Hellllloooooo????"

Michelle: Hi, this is Michelle Blahblahblah.I am calling from the University of Minnesota statistics and research department of something or other.I'm conducting a survey tonight.How are you this evening?

Fiery: No. *click*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I must have laughed for .... oh a good 45 seconds at least at the thought of answering that question with a no and hanging up.

I am NOT going to spend my movie night on the phone with some chick who wants to ask me questions about what laundry detergent I use, my thoughts on political candidates, my opinion on bicycle helmets, and whether or not catholicism should be outlawed.

(Sunlight, they're all cocksucking crooks, good idea, and not outlawed but universally regarded with contempt.)

Hope you're having a good one!

oh... and the answer to the question
"How are you this evening?"

FIERY!!!!

celebrate the mind

OK... I've seen this before. You've seen this before. If you've had an email account for any length of time you've probably received this more than once.

But damn it is cool and what a tribute to the human brain!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Thank you for celebrating with me.

CHEERS!!!!!



* this next bit is for Richard....
That doesn't mean that people should LEARN to read using the whole word method! Phonics is the ONLY way kids should learn how to read!!!!!

redirect 4

A brand new fundy, Jason, showed up on Tuesday to post on a December 2007 post global warming: cyclical or critical that was guest blogged by Richard.

Jason has a go at Richard and makes some wildly inaccurate assumptions about Richard's personal character and motivations. Anyone that has read Richard's comments here with any regularity will see the laughable falsity in them.

I find it interesting that Jason is yet another fundy who has created a profile just to post on my blog. When I first saw his name come up I was the first one to view his profile, which boringly enough has no personal details and probably never will. I wonder why he is hiding behind a throw-away persona. I wonder, but I don't care.
*snerk*

Some particularly revealing quotations from "Jason" include
I think Richard has become symbolic of all those who refuse to listen to reason. Nonsense is their anthem and ignorance their excuse.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. *wipes tears from eyes* Oh Jason you ignorant fundy, while Richard may have qualities that could earn him the spot of "poster boy" it certainly won't be for refusing to listen to reason.

Another little gem that shows Jason's profound ignorance...
It seems to me that the patrons of this site would oppose a society void of free will and innovation (especially Richard, who is ever so paranoid by the thought of a "socialist" conspiracy among environmentalists). But if this is true, then why is the creator of this page so opposed to the idea of a God who reigns without tyrrany? Sounds like a contradiction to me.

BWAHAHAAHAHA OH... OH.... Stop!!! I can't breathe!!! HAHAHAAHHAAHAHA

Jason- you fuckwitted tool. "Free will" is such a fundy way of speaking it is nearly a non-word particularly in the christian context of god granted free will. And is it possible to insert any more reversals into your thoughts? Twisting and turning this way and that. Good grief! Trying to parse what you said is like trying to unravel a cat's yarn ball. Not much point since it will just get tangled again.

Let's see if I can figure out what Jason is attempting to say... We (me and my faithful readers) are opposed to a tyranical and stagnant society (i.e. one void of free will and innovation). Ok. Yes. Essentially true.

Now the real gem, why am I (the creator of this blog) opposed to a god who reigns without tyranny?

BWAHAHAHAAHAAHAH!!! WITHOUT TYRANNY? GOD??? I have to assume Jason means the christian god of the bible. Jason. Have you ever read the bible? Without tyranny?????

*reaches for dictionary* And hey! Lucky you Jason, you're getting all 4 definitions of tyranny. Let's talk about god.

Tyranny-
1) a government in which a single ruler is vested with absolute power
I recall the bible saying something like "I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other god before me". Do you really need the scriptural link for that notion? Sounds pretty absolute to me, not a lot of grey area there. In fact, wasn't Lucifer's big unforgivable sin that he claimed to be equal with god????

2) Absolute power especially when exercisesd unjustly or cruelly.
God kills 70,000 innocent people because David ordered a census of the people (1 Chronicles 21). God also orders the destruction of 60 cities so that the Israelites can live there. He orders the killing of all the men, women, and children of each city, and the looting of all of value (Deuteronomy 3). He orders another attack and the killing of “all the living creatures of the city: men and women, young, and old, as well as oxen sheep, and asses” (Joshua 6). I, Fiery, creator of this blog, denounce god as cruel and unjust for crimes comitted and attested to in his own divinely inspired book.

3) a tyrannical act
In Judges 21, He orders the murder of all the people of Jabesh-gilead, except for the virgin girls who were taken to be forcibly raped and married. When they wanted more virgins, God told them to hide alongside the road and when they saw a girl they liked, kidnap her and forcibly rape her and make her your wife! In 2 Kings 10:18-27, God orders the murder of all the worshipers of a different god in their very own church!

4) extreme harshness or severity; rigor.
In total God kills 371,186 people directly and orders another 1,862,265 people murdered. Satan's biblical tally of murders he is directly responsible for? 10. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Ten. Seems fairly harsh and severe to me.

The above info. was taken directly from Evil Bible.com, an invaluable resource.

You want it summed up neatly Jason? I oppose the Christian God because He holds you by the throat over the fiery abyss of hell and says, "Choose oh lowly worm, choose the loving embrace of jesus the christ or you will burn for all eternity. Now get on your knees and thank me for the free will that I have given you that you may choose life and have it in abundance."

Anyone else here think god isn't a tyrant?

I want to barf ..... [with EDIT]

For some reason this fundy spam I got from Mama Ewok has left me feeling queasy. Literally. *blech* And unlike Sean I don't think this one will taste good. Maybe it's the vacuuous comment that accompanied the forwarded "message".

What is doubly unfortunate is that the fundy making the comment is an intelligent highly talnted musician who has compartmentalized her brain to accept Jebus as her personal savior. Part of what bothers me about this is that instead of appealing to emotions and wishful thinking as most fundy spam does this one... well you'll see.

~~~~~~

This is extraordinary! It is quite thought provoking. Betty

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 888888 88
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 12345432 1
1 11111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these
questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.



If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%



But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%



Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*gack*

My apologies to anyone who read that all the way through to completion without skipping to find out where it was going.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[EDIT]

My daughter is visiting Mama & Papa Ewok (the source of this email). She forwarded it to me with her own personal addendum...

Oh Yeah!?
O-b-j-e-c-t-i-v-i-s-m
15+2+10+5+3+20+9+22+9+19+13=
127%

I thought this was neat. Gramma and Grampa never saw it.

Love you

I am so very proud of her. :D

3 Cheers for Anheuser Busch

This is the first beer commercial that has ever brought tears to my eyes.

Sometimes it's just nice to have things tug at your heart strings and this one sure did.




*hat tip to Richard for forwarding this to me! Along with a request that he creates a profile so I can, not only link to it, but also enjoy learning a bit more about him.

the love of Jebus

Life isn't fair.

The universe doesn't give two tiddlies if the random things that happen to us are deserved or not.

But Christians claim that there will be justice in the end. That we will stand before the Creator on Judgment Day and get what is coming to us.

source

brrrr it's cold!

How cold is it?

It's so cold that....



Neko has tipped over my bedside light and is warming her nose near the bulb.

my first time

First off, a big thank you to my own dear brother for sending this to me!!!

Two heads are better than one and four hands are better than two.
}:-)This is the first video I've attempted to put on my blog, so we'll see how it goes.

I clicked on the little video posty icon, browsed my computer, selected the file, and it immediately put up a "posted video" html code and my cat wants me to play with her.

While I was obliging my dear Neeks, the computer finally decided to upload the video. I wonder how long it will take since it is almost 3.4 MB. Started at 12:02pm....

Well there's nothing more that I can do but wait and hope that the "error on page" in the lower left corner is inaccurate. In the mean time I'm going to see how many of my xmyth decorations I can get taken down before this (fingers crossed) uploads.

12:45pm ... it says it's "done" in the lower left corner, but the little green rod hasn't fully reached ...completion.

*sigh* how long to wait my crossed fingers are getting cramped.

Do I dare push "preview" and see if it is there?

The first time is always the most awkward, not knowing what to expect, not even sure how to tell whe you are finished.

OMG OMG OMG!! It worked!!!! WOOHOOOO!!!!

Now that I've done it once, I can do it again. That wasn't so hard. In fact it was rather nice, cramped fingers and all.

Hope you enjoy it as well!!!!!




AARRGGGHH!!! It shows up correctly in preview mode, but when I "view blog" it has the little red x of death in the upper left corner.

Please, oh please, tell me that it loads on your computer!!!!!!
stupid technofear. booooooooo

[edit] Stardust has informed me that everyone is enjoying the little red x of death.

Here's the link. I will look into embedding the youtube code.

blast...

ok. I followed the directions at about.com which I've always abhored. So here's hoping...



[additional edit]
for Sean... who didn't get the initial red cross and was feeling forlorn and left out. Perhaps this will cheer him! :)

belated hat tip

In an effort to keep the post fairly anonymous, I neglected to mention that it was Richard who sent me the article for the Guess the Nationality post I did about the horse crapping in the bank foyer.

My apologies, Richard, for the oversight. Thanks for the forwards, I hope you will keep me on your list of recipients. :)

And it was his holiness, the honorable Rev. Reed Braden who guessed straight off that it was a German responsible for the genius idea of sleeping it off in the bank foyer.

Thanks to all who participated and Richard for the idea in the first place.

We don't serve your kind here!

As a nation, Americans look more and more to the government to take care of us. To provide us with things like free and low-cost education, day care, health care, and laws for our own protection: seatbelts, open container, helmets, and cellphone bans. Not to mention insuring that if any terrorist got onto a plane to hijack it there is no way we would have anything in our possession that could possibly be used to thwart them. Except for Grannie's knitting needles which I have been reassured repeatedly are now an allowable item for carryon.

Thirty percent of adults in Mississippi are obese and one particularly concerned individual has decided enough is enough. He has decided that since the obese aren't going to lose weight on their own, the government will just have to step in and help the process along. I'll grant you that 30% is a rather large portion of the population, and unchecked obesity does lead to a variety of health problems. Republican Rep. John Read of Gautier, Mississippi has decided that it is time the government intervened directly in this issue.

How, you may well ask yourself? By implementing a "no serve" policy forcing restaurant owners to refuse service to obese people. That's right folks, if you're a lard-ass in Mississippi you don't get to eat out in public. We don't want to see you fat pigs snuggling up to the trough and chowing down at our diners, buffets, fast food joints, bistros, and certainly not our fine eating establishments. If you're a porker, just keep your chubby cheeks at home and eat lettuce with low fat salad dressing the way god intended.

The ironic thing is that Republican Rep. John Read of Gautier himself would not be allowed to eat in public as he stands 5'11" and weighs 230 lbs. For my non-imperial readers that amounts to 1.524 meters (do you express height that way?) and 104 kg.

Catholic Extinction

Evolution, undisputed by any reputable scientist, is happening right in front of our eyes each and every day. One example of visible evolution is actually going to leave children everywhere just a bit safer tonight.

This just in as cause célèbre ... the Numbers of Catholic nuns, monks declining. WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!

In a single year between 2005 and 2006, the number of men and women belonging to religious orders worldwide fell by 10 per cent to just under 1 million.

Just think, in a few years the threat of Father O'Feely will have utterly disappeared.

In a previous post of mine strawman alert, the following exchange on everyday evolution took place...

Poodles said...
I think Reg might be right... not all mutations are beneficial...look at fundies.
January 26, 2008 10:04 AM

Reg Golb said...
I recognize that as humor. But since you believe you evolved after the fundies, then what does that make you.
January 26, 2008 10:30 AM

Fiery said...
that makes us a step forward

and that makes you,glob,a dinosaur.

Now do the world a favor and go extinct.
January 26, 2008 11:35 AM

Poodles said...
Blog Hi-Five for Fiery!
January 26, 2008 2:33 PM

I wonder if this makes Glob a catholic?

Naaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, that doesn't logically follow. Even if Glob were catholic, my telling him to go extinct wouldn't effect his whole cult. Still, it's a nice thought to start the day.

Buh bye catholics, don't linger too long!

fuck politics and fuck all the fucking politicians **2**

AARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Bush unveils $3.1 trillion spending plan

Here's a quick snap of Bush at the news conference where he announces his master plan.



Highlights from the article...

1-The spending proposal, which shows the government spending $3 trillion in a 12-month period for the first time in history, squeezes most of government outside of national security...

Well thank fucking jebus our national security isn't threatened, because, no matter what else happens we must be safe. Safe from them. Safe from outsiders. Safe from those who would crush our independence, crush our economy, crush the minds of our children, crush our freedoms, crush our.... wait a minute. Who are we afraid of again?

2-Bush projects that the deficits, which had been declining, will soar to near-record levels, hitting $410 billion this year and $407 billion in 2009...

Ya think??? But it will be ok... do you know why? Because Bush figured out where they print the money and he asked them to just print up some more. Daddy said it would be ok.



Plus he's been reading "How to Conquer Clutter" by Stephanie Culp and he understands about necessary cutbacks.

3-Bush, as a moneysaving measure, stopped the practice of providing 3,000 paper copies of the budget to members of Congress and the media, instead posting the entire document online at Budget.gov. Democrats joked that Bush cut back on the printed copies because he ran out of red ink.

Plus, having a web only edition allows him to make changes and updates as needed and after it is approved add in items that weren't on the internet, and claim clerical error. Whoops!



But hold on, all is not lost...
4- Bush projects that the deficit will decline rapidly starting in 2010 and will achieve a $48 billion balance in 2012.

Well, that's good enough for me. If Bush projects a balanced budget, surely it will happen. So what the hell have I been so uptight about? Bush consulted his Magic 8-Ball and said, "Will the budget start declining in 2010 and balance by 2012?" And his trusty, never-before-let-him-down Magic 8-Ball said, "It is decidedly so."

Well... there... you.... go...

the cricket controversy revisited

Guess what? It turns out that
Knob Head and
Monkey Lips

have a history of saying snarky things to each other, but had shaken hands and promised to stop.

Something must have happened to set them against each other after crossing their hearts and hoping to die promising to be friends with hugs and kisses forever and ever so help us jeebus. Something important. Something...worth fighting over.

Picture this.... Knob Head was up to bat, thought the bowler (who was not Monkey Lips) did a great job and patted him on the butt expressing his enthusiasm for a job well done.

Monkey Lips, who was fielding at the time, didn't like seeing his teammate man-handled in this fashion and let fly with a stream of invective.

Knob Head rounds on him and in the course of it calls him a "mother fucker" in his native language of Punjabi. In Punjabi, "mother fucker" sounds a lot like the English word "monkey".

Turns out Monkey Lips doesn't believe in good sportsmanship between opposing players and they definitely shouldn't say anything complimentary to each other.

Knob Head gets a smack on the wrist for using obsence language and Monkey Lips is rebuked for being a jerk.

...
At least that's my understanding of it. If I got the details wrong, do tell and I'll make a note! :D

Guess the Nationality

A drunk horse rider rode into a bank foyer to sleep for the night, after having one too many for the road during a stopover at his local tavern.

The dude, age 40, from (?) had been riding with his horse Sammy when he stopped to have a drink with friends.

But when he left the pub he realised he was too drunk to ride all the way home - and because it was cold, he decided to use his bank card to open up a nearby bank foyer and take himself and Sammy inside to sleep it off.

The dude and his horse were found in the early hours of the morning by local man age 36, who came to the bank to take out some money.

He said: It was a bit of a shock to find a man and a horse asleep in the foyer of the bank. I called the cops straight away.

The dude was let off with a warning and rode home. But bank staff were less than impressed when they arrived and had to clean up after the horse, who had left a deposit of his own on the foyer floor.

Wouldn't the stench of horse poo in a 12x12 entry way have been stomach wrenching to someone sleeping it off????

Only the names of the rider, the breed of horse, and 3 instances of local vernacular were changed to obscure the country of origin.

Guess which country boasts this resourceful fella as a citizen???

Ask Grannie

John 8:32 And you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free!

fundy spam 1: I sell the saw!

Periodically I get fundy spam from well-meaning relatives sharing the "good news" with each other. You know the kind, the ones that end with "send this on if you believe in Jebus. Delete this if you don't". Well I'm starting a new blog feature that I'll call "fundy spam" and when I get the odd fundy spam worth commenting on, I'll share it with you.

This one was called "Serious Message" and was a simple set of cartoons that I've added my own thoughts to on the side.

Here we see the sheeple, living out their dream of tagging along in Jeebus' wake as he commanded in Luke 9:23 "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."

Look at the world they are living in- drab, joyous, meaningless plodding along carrying an instrument for their own torure with them.

However, they are all wearing pants, that's something! Personally, I'd hate to drag a cross in a skirt and heels.

The journey continues. But why alone? Because Jebus commanded it saying in Matthew 10:34-39 "34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

The cross is getting heavy and starting to be a bit of a.... well a drag really. But our sheeple knows that Jebus said in Matthew 17:20 for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

But as in all things prayerfully done it all boils down to the pleader getting off his tookus and taking care of business himself.

Wow, he's whistlin' Dixie now! What a load off!

Just look at him off in the background there, why his cross doesn't even drag on the ground anymore! No more bumping along for him, no sirree!

With some of the load off he realizes that there is nothing to see but sheeple from horizon to horizon draggin' their big ole heavy crosses along behind them.

Still, lugging that stupid thing around is boring and starting to get heavy again. But in Matthew 11:28-30, Jebus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am meek and lowly in heart' and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." So it's not supposed to be heavy, the cross burden should be light.

If only it were lighter....and cooler...

...but "cross" is so first century. Maybe something more heroic.
Like a two-handed wooden broadsword.


And with his new improved heroic cross, our sheeple begins to whistle, "Onward Christian Soldier, marching off to war".

Uh oh.... the other sheeple still have big honkin' wooden crosses they can use to cross the gap. Notice how the sheeple are only worried about getting themselves across. There's no building a bridge and putting up handrails.

No thought of checking to see if friends, family members or people they care about get to cross too, let alone if pefect strangers are making it.

Nope, following Jebus is a personal thing, "I get to go cross the gap because I carried the whole cross all by myself so."

"You didn't- well, sucks to be you!"

"I will get to see you roast in hell though! Scream nice and loud so I can hear you over the nacho chips and dip I'll be eating."

Awwww that sweet love of the fundy comes ringing through loud and clear, does it not?

open forum 10

Hello! And welcome to the latest open forum!

I love reading blogs where I get a personal feel for the blogger, what they are like as a person (especially when I end up liking who they are as people), what their thoughts are on a variety of issues, that sort of thing.

After awhile of reading said blog, I'm often left with the sense that I've gotten to know the blogger fairly well, but would love to ask them to clarify or explain a particular detail about themselves. Most bloggers don't have email addresses up so you can contact them privately, because, fair enough, some are concerned about getting spammed by fundies or stalked by lunatics. Thus far I've been remarkably free of both.

And in that state of innocence I offer the following...
1- E-mail me directly atheisthomeschooler @ yahoo.com (if you wish to be annonymous, just ask in the email)
or
2- Post the question right here in the comments section.

It's a bit like truth or dare.

Go on.... I dare ya! :D