Read Before You Die

We had a fundy stop by and throw down about 2 weeks ago. *snerk* AJ felt compelled ... led???....to stop by with a link and an offer.

"I'm just a passing Christian who feels the need to crash your atheist party and say that I think that God exists, and I think that you guys should rethink.

I'm sure you've had guys preach to you before, but if you'd like to discuss the ultimate question; and others like it then please drop me a line.

Oh, and check out this ... www.readthisbeforeyoudie.com it's awesome.

Peace out,

AJ

Strange how he didn't leave his email address, it's not available on his profile OR on his blog. I guess he wants you to leave a comment with your address on his blog, or maybe here if he comes back. I wonder if he has answers we haven't considered or heard before?

But he did leave a web address...So I went.

Problems with the site
1- the music. W__T__F???
2- the scroll options- there aren't any. You have to "turn the page" by dragging it to the left and fitting the page of this "e-book" closely enough to almost perfectly line up and then clicking it into place BEFORE you can see the next page. Ya gotta want it yo!
3- the fluff bullshit nature of the text itself. (yeah, that was the really shocking part)... see below.

Oh- and if you go, which I don't personally recommend, remember to turn the sound OFF as soon as possible. Whatever that is, it's crap.

PAGE 1
Let me ask you a question:
(Oh please do! But make it a good one.)

PAGE 2
Are you living in this world to get rich or die trying?
(Oi, that wasn't a good one. False alternative. Also, if I say no, I close the book.)

PAGE 3
Some people say they're scared to die
(few people want to die, fewer still want it to hurt)

Some people say they're ready to die
(fair enough)

But almost everyone wants to go to heaven.
(define heaven- sounds like the most boring place imaginable)

Whether they're hoping there's reallly a "Heaven for a gansta" or a "hip-hop heaven," all people want to get to heaven.
(not necessarily. Life is given meaning by the challenges we face, the risks we take, the possibility of failure. No biblical description of heaven has any appeal to me.)

They want heaven cause they hear it's a "better place" or a place where 'dreams come true". Truth is, heaven is better, matter of fact there's no pain, no suffering, and no death there. There's even no need for church buildings because people don't need to be reminded to kick it with God there. Everyone is there with HIM forever.
(How about chances of failure? Or do you succeed at everything you try. Any desires? If you eat chocolate for every meal, you'll get sick of it in 2 days. What is the "purpose" of living in heaven. Eternal church services. GACK!)

PAGE 4
So...How do we get to heaven?
(Wait... you didn't tell me what heaven IS only what it ISN'T.)

PAGE 5
God requires perfection.
So how do you measure up?
Are you perfect?
Me neither.
Matter of fact-nobody is.
That's why the bible says:
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
Romans 3:23
(God demands perfection? That's rich. His one publication and he couldn't even get that right without contradicting himself. And helllooooo? Noah's Ark. The Flood. That was all about god hitting reboot because HIS creation didn't go the way he wanted it to.)

PAGE 6
Sin is anything that offends God or doesn't meet God's perfect standard. That standard is given to us in the Law of God. can you honestly say that you have never lied, stolen or had a dirty or evil thought?
(If there is no god to offend, then thought crime is a victimless crime. Social lies are between me and the person lied to or about and fraud is between me, the injured party and the government that protects people from that.)
Those are what you call sins.
(No, those are what YOU call sins. Legally, the only one is possibly the lying.)
And you know what? We are all guilty of breaking God's Laws.
(He sort of designed it that way didn't he? Made it impossible to not piss him off. Then offers you the solution for what ails HIM.)
We are all sinners. So, we got a problem.
(you've got a problem that *you* created. Problem. Reaction. Solution.)
Then how can peeps like us, who are not perfect, get into heaven? (What is with the pseudo-hip language?????)

PAGE 7
See God has to punish sin.
(hold the phone. What is the source of sin? Biblically speaking? God planted a tree and said don't eat it. No experience with limits, never before having been told no. And what is the punishment for eating one apple. for a single instance of disobiedience. Billions of souls damned to eternal torture for a crime they didn't commit. Oh yeah, that's fair.)
The Bible tells us that "The wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23) Which means our sentence sure isn't heaven.

So what can we do about this? The bad news is WE can't do anything. There are no plea bargains and we can't be the judge for another chance. When we mess with laws they don't ccare about how nice we are or how sorry we are.
(So it's not a matter of regretting our "sins"????)
If you jump out of a plane the law of gravity don't care how bad you want to get back into the plane, you're gonna fall.
(the law of gravity isn't arbitrary. Decreeing that THOUGHTS are a sin, is arbitrary.)
God's laws are no different. They are perfect and there is no getting around them.

What's worse is that God tells us in James 2:10 that "Whoever breaks one law is guilty of breaking them all." So whether a person steals one car or 20, he's guilty of stealing. Whether you tell a little white lie or rob a bank, you are gujilty of sinning against a perfect God.

PAGE 8
Hold up, isn't God Loving Forgiving? (not so you'd notice)

PAGE 9
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PAGE 10
While we were still sinners. Christ died for us.
(So a god, chooses to die, and come back to life after 3 days in hell, and spend the rest of eternity in heaven. And that's a sufficient "sacrifice" for an entire species???)

PAGE 11
So, what does trust in Jesus mean?
Trusting in Jesus means more than getting "let off the hook" from your sins. It means depending on Jesus alone as the only one who has paid the debt you owe God. Faith in Christ means trusting in Him as your only way to Heaven.
(still not convinced it's a place I want to be.)

PAGE 12
If you're like me
(I'm not. Not at all. I had to kill the sound on this website about 3 seconds into the opener. Good fucking GOD what is that racket???)
you have put trust in a lot of things in life- like money to get the bills paid and put food on the table.
(funny thing about money. You go to a job, they give you a pay check, you buy goods and services with it. You can feel it jingling in your pocket. Take it out and count it. Very tangible. Very real.)
You trust that the check will come on the first and fifteenth.
(and have legal recourse if it does not.)
You trust in your family or your crew to be there when you need'em.
(a trust they've earned after years of knowing them)

The reason we trust in these things is cause we see them as valuable enough to put trust in.
(fundies say "what"? I "trust" in those things because there is ample evidence for the trust. It is not placed blindly on a wish that what I want it to be is so.)

What do you trust in? Picture it here

PAGE 13
But, everybody knows that money may fail us when we need it.Sometimes the checks don't come when we need 'em and we've all had family and friends dip out on us when we needed them.
(dip out on us???)
If you trust in things that can fail, why wouldn't you trust in Christ who has never failed?
(Never failed? To answer a prayer? To provide proof of his existence? To protect the innocent? To prevent evil done in his name? To recommend the ending of social evils that were in his power to prevent? To change the hearts of the clergy that abuse children? To have ANY influence over the corrupt individuals running his Church?)

PAGE 15
We trust in doctors because of the medicine they can provide for our bodies.
(And the decades they've spent studying and learning.)
How much more should we trust in the one who created the body?...even yours. (yeah right. according to what evidence??)


PAGE 16
Blank but for some graffiti

PAGE 17
People try to tell a lie that there are things in this life more valuable than God. Following that lie keeps us from trusting in Christ alone to make us right in God's sight.
(*sigh* Bored now. There isn't a god. There is no evidence outside of an individual's belief and faith that there has to be a god, 'look trees' or 'the law of gravity'. But that's it.)

PAGE 18
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PAGE 19
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PAGE 20
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(Evidently they got bored too.)

PAGE 21
Once you see Christ as he really is, you can STOP looking for what you can do to get right with God and Trust In Jesus.
(*snerk* Nobody has "seen" christ. Which reveals what he really is.... nothing.)

PAGE 22
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PAGE 23
See, no matter how hard we try, we won't be accepted by God by trying to live right and going to church every Sunday.
(Good thing there, church bores the shit out of me.)

We can't buy his acceptance by paying tithes. We can't talk our way into heaven with excuses or explanations.
(Excellent, I can't bloody afford the 10% gate fee anyway.

We can only trust Jesus as the only way to personnally know God.
(blah blah blah)

The Bible says in Epehsians 2:8 "It is by grace that you have been saved through faith and not of yourselves- it is the gift of god."

Page 24
So what's keeping you from trusting Jesus?
(The fact that I don't believe in imaginary friends? That the concept of god is anathema to life. That the "sacrifice" of jesus is laughable.

PAGE 25
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PAGE 26
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Page 27
If you believe in Jesus Christ, you have all the riches you will ever need- in fact, you've received the greatest gift you could ever ask for: eternal life. BUt, Jesus didn't just come to give us life after death, He wants us to start living right now.

For more biblically-solid culturally-relevant resources and materials visit blah blah blah.

Links unavailable because I couldn't be bothered going back for them.

A tribute to Joe

Joe often claims to have been dropped on a head as a child to explain why he enjoys "politically incorrect" picture jokes. And he offers people who have wrinkly panties THIS blog as an alternative.

So in honor of you Joe....
This one kills me!!!!!!

I fell over laughing when I saw it.



MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for sending it to me Brotium!

brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Summer is gone. NYAH NYAH NYAH!!!!!!!


It's cold out. Too cold to have the windows open and the fans blowing.


WOOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!

Current temp 53*F/12*C with a high tomorrow of 76*F/24*C.

Now comes the season of snuggly blankets and warm cozy shirts. YAY FALL AND WINTER!!!!!!!

just a bit of ha ha

A man owned a small farm way out in the country.

The Department of Wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook/ housekeeper has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

just one... honest!

Because I abso-smurfly HATE doing housework.

Find meaning in the now. pfff

Repetetive, meaningless and nobody but me cares. How do I know?... Because if I don't do it, nobody says anything. And when I do? Nobody says anything.

Day 54 and counting.

But who's counting?

Me.

So....I'm having one. Or two because there is two servings in every can of pop/soda/sodeypop/fizzydrink/diet rite cola.

And now...I have sticky licky bourbon fingers. Llllliiiiicccckkkkkkk

"I lick alone" *Snerk*

[Edit]....

Do you know why I love bourbon?

Because it makes this....

fucking hilarious!!!!

pickled chile....mwahahahahaha

Why is pickled chili's funny? no idea. but i've got tears in my eyes from suppressed laughter so it must be good.

remember to drink water.....

now let's see... can I remember how to credit Tribog for the pic....

[Edit 2]
How do I put out a spam request? They keep sending "penis enlargments" and "Dearest One of God, let me send you 20 million dollars" or "hot college chick's web cam"

I want "sexy Aussie stud eats her quim for 2 hours" can I get THAT spam link please?

must stop editing post when bourbonated. *snerk*

me too! me toooo!!!!!!

I want to be just as cool as XO.

*snerk* Yeah, right. Like I could ever achieve his level of hipness. That's why I hang out and read his blog and hope he rubs on me. I mean rubs OFF on me.

So I decided to find out the answer to the ultimate question: Which font am I?

Am I Comic Sans Ms?

or more likely

Am I Times New Roman?

*sigh* I'm not computer geeky enough to have twigged how to do the html code to show you those two fonts. But I am word processing savvy enough to know what they look like.

You Are Andale Mono

You are a geek, pure and simple. You spend a lot of time online. In fact, you probably love the internet more than anyone you know. You are picky about design, mostly for readability's sake. You are the type most likely to be irritated by a bad font.

What Font Are You?

Oh dear.

I don't know wtf Andale Mono is but it looks dull as dog shit. I'd much rather be comic sans, but alas.

And why did "Which Font are You?" seem especially silly to me?

Because I'm blogging around listeniing through a monstrous 80's collection of hits and creating a playlist for myself and the following was playing in the background.



How can you take anything seriously when this is playing? MWAHAHAHAHAHA

:)

touchy feely forwards

I hate the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series. The deliberate emotional maniuplation garnered to wring a dramatic touchy feely response just leaves me... cold. Don't get me wrong, when those books first started coming out and I read the odd story while sitting on Mom's toilet, I'd occassionally get all teary. "Awwwww.... *sniff* *sniff* Isn't that so touching? What a sad story."

But after awhile, the deliberateness of the set-up starts to shine through and all I can think about is the authors "term searching" through masses of "touching stories" to compile these endless books. And I imagine some poor slob sitting there reading them and labeling them with key words so they can be immediately added to the book for the "Dog Lover's Soul", the "Nurse's Soul", the Computer Programmer's Soul", and the "Cubicle Facing North-North-West's Soul". For crying out loud there's a book for every possible niche out there.

Anyway, those books have left me really cynical about touchy feely email forwards as well. I just can't get into them and feel my "heart melt" like I'm apparently supposed to.

I enjoy heckling the fundy ones and have several (?) times here on my blog. Hmmmm Checked the archives using Richard's blog search feature and only came up with I Want To Barf. Thought I had heckled more often than that, but perhaps I'm just not searching properly, and I can't be bothered looking further at the moment.

The most recent one mom sent was filled with the typical sickly sweetness of no less than 12 cute babies. 12???? Seen one at a time these pictures are adorable. But 12? And each one captioned by a life-affirming smug little "saying".

For example this little tyke...

Ideas won’t work unless ‘I’ do.

It's like someone found a catalog of motivational posters and copied down all 26 nifty sayings, covered the post with cutesy baby pics and clipped onto the end a challenge to try and get 12 people to email the damn thing back to you to prove your self-worth as a friend and quality human being. It's like the little antidote for all the happy thoughts they just sent you. That little seed of doubt planted so it creeps in and you're left feeling vaguely dissatisfied knowing there's no way you'll get 12 people to send back an email you just sent to them. And really? Who would want to get back an email they just sent anyway?

Stupid emotional claptrap if you ask me.

However, it was the first part of this email that caught my eye. Which is the only reason why I bothered to read to the end and heckle it here.

There comes a point in your life
when you realize who matters,
who never did,
who won’t anymore...
and who always will.

So, don’t worry about people from your past.

There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.

That one got me.

Courtesy of Neil Domenico - click the image to buy prints.

Now I wonder why I'm sad?

Stupid touchy feely forwards.

They're Baaaack

Back in October, I was driving by the Planned Parenthood office in Fargo, ND and noticed the "Pray to End Abortion" campaign in full bloom. For my readers who've been around a few seasons, I'll bet they will remember the Boogers, Seeds, and Possibilities post.

The newest campaign started with one college guy who would sit in front of the clinic with his rosary beeds. Several days later, he was joined by a college girl. Then the other day, I was driving by at 5pm and saw a lady walking away from the clinic wearing a sandwich board sign with "ABORTION IS HOMICIDE" written above the ubiquitous full color larger than life size fetus in utero. Apparently she felt she had done her christian duty for the day and was ready to head home.

This is there newest campaign.


The irony is that holding that particular banner in that particular place IS a crime... of a philosophical nature. It's not LEGALLY wrong. But it is MORALLY wrong to condemn all abortions. I wish I could photoshop his shirt to read "Pro Uterine Slavery".

Psychological Profile Meme

This started out as a simple blog post over on Sarah's blog.

Thought it might make a fun meme. :)

1---Soda v. Pop... Aussies call it fizzy drink or by the brand name itself. i.e. Coke, Mountain Dew, Pepsi. For me... It's pop. Always has been. Soda is something you put in cookies so they aren't flat as a pancake.

2---Regular v. Diet Soda... Diet Rite. The only stuff I can find still sweetened with Splenda.

3---Diet Coke v. Diet Pepsi... Diet Pepsi cause it tastes better with the bourbon.

4---Beer v. Wine... Spirits. Don't really care for beer or wine, though, since my trip to Oz, I can drink either if presented to me. Fuck it! It's alcohol. Chug it down. And champagne gives you one hell of a rollicking good time, eh Thump? Had me rolling on the floor. All those little bubbles of funniness.

5---White Wine v. Red Wine... Prefer the desert wines, mmmmmm sweetness. Other than that, if it's so dry you need to lick your shirt to moisten your tongue, it's not for me.

6---Panty v. Underwear... Aussies call 'em knickers and I rather like that. Depends on who I'm talking to- panties, undies, underwear. :)

7---Thong v. Other... Bikini briefs thank you. I'll pass on the butt floss, though I tell ya, SJ over at I,Asshole almost talked me into trying them. She loves the thong.

8---Silk v. Cotton... Cotton. Too concerned about ruining the silk or staining it. Unless we're talking textures you like the feel of somebody dragging over your bare naked skin, then silk, duh. :)

9---Boxers v. Briefs... Commando. Though if a layer between you and your jeans is necessary. Briefs- preferably any of the bikini variety- emphasizes the leg. *drool*

10---McDonald's v. Burger King... McDonald's fries and Burger King's Whopper.

11---Chocolate v. Vanilla.... ohhhh they're both so yummy, can't choose, want both.

12---Sweet v. Savory...both preferably at the same time...General Tso's Chicken

13---Plaid v. Solids...Red. In whatever pattern.

14--- Flats v. Heels...Tennis shoes.

15---Automatic v. Stick Shift...Stick shift. Unless I have to come to a stop going up a hill. I hate that.

16---Black v. White...*snerk* depends on the man. I look terrible in white, it washes out my facial features, too pale of skin for white shirts.

17---Cursive v. Printing...Cursive for speed, printing for legibility. Or at least the possibility of legibility.

18---Length v. Girth... Size only matters at the extremes, it's what you do with what you've got.

19---Butter v. Margarine...Margarine. I hate the taste of real butter. Weak arse shit. It's like... fat for pussies. Yuck.

20---Paula Dean v. Rachel Ray...The cooking show I always liked was Wok with Yan. Great sense of humor and made me want to own a wok and think I could actually use it. But who the fuck is going to chop up all the ingredients into those nifty little bowls????

The following people have been scheduled for a psychological profile
Poodles
Richard- try and keep the total response to less than 15,000 words ;)
Half Rabbit
Tracey Treasure

I'd tap Sean, and by that I mean nominate him, of course, but he's on vacation and will be swamped when he gets back.

I'd tap XO as well, and still of course am referring to the profiling, but the rules only call for 4. :P Unless of course he's willing, in which case....can't wait to read it! :)

Copy and paste and pick between the following. (Sarcasm is recommended). Then pick 4 other bloggers needing a psychological profile. Thanks for playing! :)

1---Soda v. Pop.
2---Regular v. Diet Soda.
3---Diet Coke v. Diet Pepsi.
4---Beer v. Wine.
5---White Wine v. Red Wine.
6---Panty v. Underwear.
7---Thong v. Other.
8---Silk v. Cotton.
9---Boxers v. Briefs.
10---McDonald's v. Burger King.
11---Chocolate v. Vanilla.
12---Sweet v. Savory.
13---Plaid v. Solids.
14--- Flats v. Heels.
15---Automatic v. Stick Shift.
16---Black v. White.
17---Cursive v. Printing.
18---Length v. Girth.
19---Butter v. Margarine.
20---Paula Dean v. Rachel Ray.

Demolition Derby

The announcers


The car I was cheering for. Driven by the son of the best mechanic in the area. :)


Cousin Ewok acting as starter and head judge of the contest.


On your marks, get set....
GO!!!!

circle jerks


carnage


Quality derby action! :)


this will only sting for a moment.


#1 Rule... never hit the driver's door. That's why they are painted white!


The damage that was done.
OUCH!

Auto mechanics is a whole different breed when it's for a demolition derby.



Never give up. Never surrender!!!!!


Had an absolutely smashing good time!!!!!! This is a bit of a rush job because internet access has been severely limited, of poor quality (dialup) and my current o.b.s.e.s.s.i.o.n. has eaten into the time I do spend online.

the parade

It was a beautiful day for the parade!!!!!

Montana clouds are fantastic!


Main Street in my home town. Check out the quaint buildings in the background. :)I'm standing across the street from the local newspaper's original office building. It was severely damaged by fire last year and they have since relocated.

Every parade should start with a presentation of the colors.
Ole Glory.

Greyhound Rescue currently has several dogs available for adoption.


Local Dance Hall girls


The Local Politician's wife.


Mama Ewok waves hello to all my blogger friends! :) Behind her is the float we worked so hard on the other day: a magician's hat complete with magician.


A further look up Main Street and a few of the demolition derby cars for tonights smashup! WOOHOO!!!

Day 3

Yesterday (Day 2) was spent settling in (ok that took no time) and then we....I....

Hmmmmm.....

I seem to have slipped into a time vortex. I have no real memory of what I did yesterday morning. Spent all afternoon and evening working on the parade float for the hospital. That was fun. Had two alcopops and used gorilla tape to secure black plastic table cloths to sheep fencing bent into a circle to make it look like a magician's hat.

Ya just can't beat an afternoon like that.

What made the time really fun was exchanging text messages with Half Rabbit. Thanks for keeping a smile on my face! So much so that my cousin asked if I was having text sex, in front of my MOTHER!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!! Nup, not having text sex, but thanks for the suggestion. ;)

Not much going on today. Got 2 loads of laundry thrown through. Playing a bored game.... er.... I mean a BOARD game with the kids.

I'd best find something productive to do. Mom looks askance at a day that doesn't see achievement of some kind.

Get well soon Half Rabbit!!!!

Happy Birthday

Wishing you both all the best life has to offer. :)



to Half Rabbit. Monday, 3rd August



and Oz Atheist. Saturday, 9th August

Wish all us blogger pals could get together for a huge birthday bash. Have a few.... Who am i kidding. Have a LOT! Have each other. ;) WOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! lol



Curse dialup. I can't tell if these are funny. AARRGGGHHH!!!!! 20 minutes and they are only half way through the 1min30second bit. Hopefully one of these is.

the journey

Strange was the weather that greeted us upon our departure. It was almost as if it had snowed.

The cotton trees are in "drift mode". No shivering from this precipitation. I doubt even Johnny would object to this weather.

Might not be too fond of this though.
Storm front, dead ahead.

Neko and Chiana traveled with us.
Chiana is obviously tense from the long trip. ;)

1 mile from my parents house and this is the sight that greets me. lol.
You shall not pass!

It's my cousin's pick-up. He's blocking the road because he is repairing the cattle guard. And well that he did, for I don't imagine my car would have survived a trip into the pit left behind. YIKES! We used the ditch and drove around.

I walked back to take the picture of his truck and on the way there, noticed this in a gopher hole.
Apparently it's Montana's equivalent of the funnel web spider. Dropped a pebble onto the webbing but no spider appeared to investigate. Perhaps it is camera shy.


A lovely sunset to cap off a very pleasant day.

sunrise on the ewok homestead

Well, the kids and I are off to Montana for about a week.

Will keep you posted while I'm there, if I get a chance. But it will be dialup so.... If you hear from me, be greatful! Because it will be on a 56k modem.

AARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

I miss you all, already!!!!!!

open forum 16

Yep, it's open forum time again. July- OVER! August- HERE! Wow.

Hey and guess what? I'm off to Montana for a week. I will hopefully be attending the annual demolition derby at the County Fair and plan on bringing my camera to get some pics AND some video shots. WOOHOO!!!! There is something exciting about whatching grown men drive around backwards trying to smash the crap out of each other. WOO FRICKIN HOOOOO!!!!!!!! :D

The rest of this post is your chance to ask me a question that may have been niggling in the back of your mind: personal, atheist, homeschooling, whatever you can come up with.

You ask, I'll answer. :D

Ready.... GO!