Saturday, May 19, 2007


My name is Fiery Ewok and I am addicted to hershey chocolate bars. The plain ones.

About 10 years ago, shortly after the birth of Punkin #2 I decided to go sugar-free. Gave it up completely. As much as could be removed from my diet without having to bake my own bread. A bit crept into my food in the form of the sugar they put in ketchup, bread, hot dogs- that sort of things. But not treats: candy, cake, donuts, etc... And in a word- it was HELL. Seriously hard. People looked at me like I was demented. It just isn't done. Not eating sugar is almost as unAmerican as being an atheist.

Picture this. Homeschooling, non-sugar eating, non-spanking and an atheist. Talk about a minority. People react so oddly when you say you don't eat sugar OR let your kids eat sugar. They act like it is a form of child abuse.

And you would be shocked at the number of people that try to slip it to my kids when I'm not around. Even my fundy neighbor. ARGH!!!!! What kind of message does that send??? Here, you can have some sugar just don't tell your Mom, it will be our little secret. WTF

After 9 years of this. NINE LOOOOONG years. I cracked.

It was christmas time and I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of saying no to all that stuff that I adored as a kid.

See me and christmas for a partial list of my favorite christmas goodies.

After 9 christmases of "no thank you" I broke down. And I ate and ate and ate. I think I finished off 2 cake pans of homemade fudge by MYSELF!!!!! Oh God it tasted SOOOO good. I decided I was only going to "fall off the wagon" for the 1 month. And January 1, I was back on the "no thank you" sugar band wagon.

And it lasted until about 1 month ago. Burnout had been rearing it's ugly head here and I've got it bad.

I know I'm burned out. I just don't know how to fix it.

I broke down. First it was just desert pizza at Pizza Ranch. To DIE for.

Now it's hershey chocolate bars. I didn't even like them as a kid. I was more into Twix or Carmello or 100 Grand bars or Almond Joys.

But now. OMG. Hershey chocolate bars are like an orgasm for my mouth. Seriously. I put in a square and it is sooooo heavenly.

Curse Walmart for selling 6- 1.55 oz bars for $2. TWO DOLLARS!!!!! Oh so affordable even on our crap budget.

Do you know why I know it is exactly 1.55 oz per bar? Because I've got a wrapper in the garbage next to me.

So- My name is Fiery Ewok and I am addicted to hershey chocolate bars. The plain ones.


Crazyman Bob said...

Embrace the horror!!!

But switch to a bigger bar. Really. A pounder at least! I mean, if such a little bar is giving you that much pleasure, (orgasm, was it?) then think what a bigger one would do!

Size does matter. Whoo hooo!

Also, the whole point of life is to spend as much time as you can doing those things that give you the greatest amount of pleasure.

Of course, before you run with that and Walmart runs out of bars, there might have been something about rational pleasure in there. Rational. hmmm..

I'm trying to help you out here.... hold on .....

Oh yes.. Aristotle's Golden Mean. Don't eat just Hershey bars. Don't eat no Hershey bars. Go for the Golden Mean:

Eat some Hershey bars.

*WHEW* I knew I could rationalize this for you. Thank you very much! I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress!

Fiery Ewok said...

You're right crazyman. Size matters. The thicker the better. Mmmmmm. Melt in your mouth chocolate.


How thick was Aristotle's Golden Meannie?

Sean the Blogonaut said...

I have not experienced the pleasure of Hershey. I absolutely love Lindt milk chocolate with soft centres. Can eat 100grams like that!

Maggie Rosethorn said...

Hershey's bars with Almonds, please. I have been on a chocolate kick for the past several weeks and I never really even LIKED chocolate. I would eat it, but didn't have to have it. But now....don't get between me and the vending machine when I need my fix, dammit!!

BigTex71 said...

IMHO, Hershey's is one of the lowest rungs on the chocolate ladder (just above Palmer chocolates.. you know, that nasty easter chocolate.) You should branch out and try some quality Swiss or Belgian chocolate bars. My personal new favorite is Dolfin chocolate bars (specifically: Dolfin Belgian Chocolate - 32% Cocoa Milk Chocolate Bar, 70g/2.47oz.)

Also, to really enjoy the flavors of chocolate you should never just chew it. Place a small piece in your mouth and give it a minimum of 30 seconds to 1 minute to start to melt. Then you will get the real flavors out of the chocolate. You can then chew if you want, but its best just to let it melt and savor the flavor. (I love my chocolate!)

Fiery Ewok said...

you guys totally ROCK!!!! I was definitely laughing when I got to the line "don't get between me and the vending machine when I need my fix, dammit!" ROFL

I think I might just have to seek out a better quality chocolate experience. :-D

I wonder if Walmart or Cashwwise carries Dolfin Belgian or Lindt milk chocolate?

I was fortunate enough to get to Europe one summer in highschool and ohhhh the chocolate. Switzerland especially. GROAN!!!! That was goooooood stuff.

I really liked Toblerone, which was everywhere, and came in long triangle prisms, almost as long as your forearm for the REALLY jumbo sizes.

Couple of years after I got back from Europe they had it here. Doesn't taste the same, though. I don't know what they put in it for Americans, or took out....but it isn't the same chocolate.

With gas prices being *&(^*& ^!@#$%^ &*()__ )(*& ^%#@#$%^&* ^&*^&$%
way toooooo much. I try to limit how much around town driving I do. Luckily for me walmart and Cashwise, a really good grocery store, are right across the street from each other right on the way to my son's karate class- the reason I go into the "big city".

Ah yes, something to look forward to later today.



Anonymous said...

One thing that will help... don't go to Wal-Mart.

I gave up Wal-Mart two years ago except in extreme emergencies.

I also gave up megadoses of caffeine about 7 months ago... roughly the same time I gave up Christianity. I tried to drink a Red Bull again today and I ended up pulling my car off to the side of the road to twitch, sweat, and vomit. Much fun.

One thing that will help is force yourself to eat really dark chocolate (70% Cacao and above) whenever you crave chocolate. Either you will be disgusted away from all chocolate or you will instead become addicted to dark chocolate... which is much healthier.

Tone said...

I love things that are bad for me. I am not supposed to drink, "an occasional glass of wine" my dr. said. Liquor combined with my chemo drugs can really hurt my liver. BUT I love crown and coke. I still have one sometimes. I figure something is going to kill me. If it isn't pizza, pasta, bread, coffee or a fundie with a gun, it may as well be the crown.

Summer Squirrel said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment.

My downfall is those tiny Hershey's Extra Dark Pure Dark Chocolate bars. They're tiny but sold by the pound. A friend had some in his car and I was hooked. Have a bag next to me right now.....


Fiery Ewok said...

Reed- Thanks for stopping by my blog!

I always feel like I've been visited by a celebrity when someone whose blog I've been reading for awhile stops and comments on mine.

I think the dark chocolate would definitely be the way to go to break the "addiction".

Bitter.... hmmmm...I've never cared for dark chocolate much. One time I put straight cocoa powder on my tongue to taste it. I pretty much ended up frantically scrubbing my tongue with the back of my hand. Blech. ;-)

I have heard that dark chocolate is very good for you, though.

Walmart- yeah. walmart sucks. I really hate their business practices and their strong arm tactics. Plus the things that they finance and the bilgewater in their upper echelons. ARGH!!!
What sucks is that those tactics yield some of the lowest prices in town.

Must make more of an effort to break free from walmart. Curse their everyday low prices!

Fiery Ewok said...

Do you know where your chocolate is?

Yep- it's out on the floor by my chair in the living room. ready for me to grab and eat while I read.

Tommy said...

I tend to favor the Special Dark ones.

Fiery Ewok said...

Tommy- my mate loves the special dark as well. I like to think of it as his sinister side. :-D

Chocolate prejudice.

The milks vs. the darks.

Jacob said...

WTF is the deal with Australia, I haven't even SEEN a Hershey's bar anywhere here. It sounds really nice, too.

I'm really into Twix at the moment. It's the only candy with the cookie crunch!

Jacob said...

And, just for good measure: no sugar for your kids, are you mad woman? I lolled at the thing about your fundie neighbour trying to go behind your back.

BigTex71 said...

I had an aunt that withheld sweets from my cousins when they were children. All that does is leads to binging. Both of my cousins are very overweight now... I don't know if it is because of no sweets as a kid and now they eat a lot of them, or just because they don't eat healthy in general.

Fiery Ewok said...

What do you mean no Hershey bars. Does Australia have some sort of import problem with the Hershey company? That is TERRIBLE.

Though I've been told recently by my blogging buddy BigTex71 that Hershey is an inferior chocolate :-) And hey, we both take chocolate seriously. Maybe Australia's lack of Hershey is a good thing?

Twix. Ahhhhh twix candy bars. I've probably eaten more twix then any other candybars combined.

Cookie crunch, yummy carmel, chocolatey outside. oh yeah. There's just somethiing about a twix you can really sink your teeth into.

I've noticed for me that with a lot of my favorite foods it's the biting sensation that they create that I enjoy almost as much as the flavor.

Must be the Ewok in me? :-D

Fiery Ewok said...

Well the punkins definitely get treats, we just have been going for the splenda variety instead of the sugar variety. Plus, my kids think of fruit and even baby carrots and cherry tomatoes as treats.

We do try to eat really healthy and both my kids are in really good physical shape.

I think healthy eating habits should start early in life. If they don't have the problems associated with sugar as they enter adulthood, I've at least given them the best start that I could.

After that, the life they choose is their own.

King Aardvark said...

Don't diss the bunnies. I can eat a pound in one sitting. Good stuff.

I can't imagine not having chocolate around. I need chocolate.

Fiery Ewok said...

I knew someone had to be eating all those chocolate easter bunnies! They couldn't ONLY be for looks. :-D

What do you do for a chocolate fix when you've made it through all your easter bunnies????

Hound Doggy said...

Has anyone had the Hershey cherry kisses? We had them here in the midwest from about Nov. to Mid-Feb. I love them. My mom and I bought bags and bags because we knew they would go away. I think we only have a couple bags left. I normally don't look forward to X-mas time.....but now.....

Fiery Ewok said...

Hound Doggy- I apologize for not noticing this comment sooner. I'm not sure how I missed it. Good grief it was last month.

I have never heard of Hershey cherry kisses- do they have actual cherries in them? Or just cherry flavoring? Cherry jell in the centers?

I've always secretly liked chocolate covered cherries, but no one else around me does and I can't eat a whole box by myself.