Monday, November 12, 2007

StarHawk- guest blogger

This post is mainly to say goodbye. The last week or so has been a bit stressful for me. My sister (whom I have a joint mortgage with, for our house) has apparently fallen into financial ruin. I've spent everyday of the last week going over her finances and realizing there is no way out. She is the most responsible person I know of when it comes to money. Unfortuneately between her credit card bills (which she only uses for emergency bills we didn't expect) and her deteriating health, there is no way she'll be able to pay all her bills... she needs to double her income to stay afloat. Even with my help that's not possible.

I'm not griping I'm just trying to explain to those who are interested why you won't hear from me for a while. I have to concentrate on my family (I live with her and 2 of my younger siblings).

I spend more time on this blog than I should or even have to. The problem I've found with the internet is that people think it replaces face-to-face conversation. It does not. We spend 30-40% of our time explaining what we meant to say as opposed to understanding the message. How many times have you posted something and then spent the rest of the thread trying to get others to understand what you were saying. The internet is an incomplete medium when compared to actually meeting someone and spending quality time with them. I'm not knocking the net, it has allowed people seperated by a globe to communicate with one another; but I spend 1-2 hours trying to come up with a post that will get across what I mean and not allowing it to be misinterpeted. It's not just because I lack the ability to express myself; or my lack of formal education. I watch Crazyman and Richard (two minds I respect) spend an inordinate amount of time trying to explain what they said 2 weeks ago instead of progressing the conversation to the next level.

I was raised and born by manipulative people. I have spent most of my life (since I was 15) trianing that out of me. I want to express honest opinions and recieve objective feedback. The problem I have with the internet is it is to easy to coach a post to get the response you desire. In order to police myself I spend an hour...minimum... typing my post, and rethinking it just to avoid coaching the response I want from you folks. Look to your most recent posts and you may find yourself guilty of such things. Not lying per-se, but gearing what you DO say to hear the response you wish. Using what you know those here will say about situations that do not pertain to most of them.

The worst part of it for me is that despite the time and precaution I take; I still find myself manipulating the conversation to suit my desired goal. Until you meet me and sit down for coffee with me face to face... possibly on multiple occasions; you will not know me. I feel wrong pretending you would. Too many things I've posted here, I believe in a general sense. Specific situations... once you know all the details can change how one views the case. Many of you seem to have a firm strong belief in their view of the world and how it works. Good for you, I wish I was so settled. I just feel uncomfortable with putting my thoughts in such a permanent form when I'm still determining my own moral outlook.

In the end I need to focus on what is going on with the people and family around me for now. I'll drop by and maybe take peek from time to time, but I need to focus on what is before me... thank you for the time we did have. Hopefully I'll be back at some point in the distant future.

Some of you have my e-mail address, so feel free to drop me a line if you want to talk to me specifically. Otherwise, good luck and good travels.


T&A said...

Good for you!
Focusing on your family is very important. Take care of yourself, and maybe we'll hear from you one in a while.

Sean the Blogonaut F.C.D. said...


Best wishes to you and yours.

Thump Thump Eyes said...

Wishing you all the best StarHawk, hope everything improves quickly for you and your family.

Richard said...

It's a good fight. Win.

Johnny said...

I really wish you all the best and hope that your sisters health starts to turn flat out sucks!!!
Worrying about it doesn't help ones health either and of course the people who you owe don't give a shit about you or your health they just want their green stuff!!
What you say about the internet is very interesting but I will leave it for another time (maybe Fiery could put it up as a seperate post). Again all the best and hope to hear from you at some stage...even if it is just a short hooroo

Richard said...

Well, Johnny said,
"What you say about the internet is very interesting but I will leave it for another time"

Starhawk may or may not be here, but I figure now is as good a "time" as any. I generally agreed with his overall point, but exempted myself and I think I did so honestly. And, I don't think I am alone in that, on this blog.

The point I want to exempt myself from is his argument that, comment preparation involves careful writing
"just to avoid coaching the response I want from you folks. Look to your most recent posts and you may find yourself guilty of such things. Not lying per-se, but gearing what you DO say to hear the response you wish."

When he says "Not lying per se", I think he is trying to differentiate between lying and intellectual dishonesty. Intellectual dishonesty is a refusal, usually through rationalization, to recognize the unreal as unreal. Lying is an attempt to make the unreal real.

I swear on my life and my love of it, and on my respect for those who read Fiery's blog, that I never do that! I write what I think and back it up as best I can, usually only on the basis of knowledge I have made my own, even if it was originated by someone else. I don't gear what I say to "hear" the result I wish, I gear it to make the point I think is valid and seek to make it so that another mind can comprehend it. I may make mistakes, but they are not from gearing my thinking to meet that of others.

I do understand the need to write as Starhawk describes, because one writes in a struggle to see that what one says is acceptable to one's readers. But acceptability should only lie in the phrasing, not the content. Given general response to Reg Golb's take on things, I suspect not many on this blog are spending a whole lot of time worrying about the kind of "acceptance" I think Starhawk is describing.

OneEar said...

This is depressing.
You should write a happier ending.