Saturday, November 24, 2007

I want to live my next life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start to work you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink lots of alcohol, you party, you’re generally pretty promiscuous, and you get ready for High School.

You then go to Primary School, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.

You become a baby, and then.....you spend the last 9 months of your life floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day....

and then......

you finish off life as an orgasm.

I rest my case!

10 comments:

Sean the Blogonaut F.C.D. said...

Well when you put it like that :)

Thump Thump Eyes said...

I like the idea of the final moment being an orgasm!:-D

Far better than the idea of heaven!

Fiery said...

It's such a lovely thought, isn't it? Ending life with a bang. And such a pleasant, mind blowing bang. :) *sigh* :)

Richard said...

That sure set off my morning! :)

Do you have to convince a woman to be your backwards mother? ...squeezing your entire body back in there might require quite a bit of motherly cooperation.

Do you have to write a resume? And what if you can't find a woman who'll agree? Okay, I better stop, there are too many morally obscene possibilities here.

Johnny said...

Great work again my wonderful Fiery!!


This is from one of my favourite BBC commedies Red Dwarf this episode was called Backwards and the premise is that their space ship goes through a black hole and comes out into the universe during the "big crunch" I love Lister's comment that in 25 years he will be a little sperm swimming around in someones testicles hahaha it's not how I see my future either hahaha. It's a great episode from a great show.....Hitler bogs off back to Austria what a pisser hahaha

LISTER: RIMMER, everything is backwards!
KRYTEN: We got used to it!
RIMMER: It's true! Once you get over the initial shock, things actually make a lot more sense this way 'round. There's no death here. You start off dead, you have a funeral, then you come to life! As each year passes you get younger and younger until you become a newborn baby. Then you go back inside your mother, who goes back inside her mother, ans so on, until eventually we all become one glorious whole!
LISTER: RIMMER, you already are one glorious hole! You've totally flipped, man.
KRYTEN: We want to stay!
LISTER: But we CAN'T stay! Look, I'm 25 now -- in 10 years time I'll be 15. I'll have to go through puberty again! Backwards!
CAT: Imagine that! Your gajimbas will suddenly rise back into your body, and the next thing you know you're singing soprano in the school choir!
LISTER: And worse than that -- in 25 years I'll be a little sperm, swimming around in somebody's testicles! I mean, pardon me, but that's just not how I saw my future!
RIMMER: I'm telling you, things are better this way. It's our universe that's the wrong way round.


KRYTEN nods in agreement.

KRYTEN: Take war. War is a wonderful thing here! In fifty years time, the second world war will start -- backwards!
CAT: And that's a good thing?
KRYTEN: Millions of people will come to life. Hitler will retreat across Europe, liberate France and Poland, disband the Third Reich, and bog off back to Austria!

KRYTEN: There's no crime! The first night we were here, a mugger jumped us and forced 50 pounds into my wallet at knifepoint!
LISTER: Okay, okay! But look at the flipside of the coin. It's not all good. Take someone like, say... St. Francis of Assissi. In this universe, he's the petty-minded little sadist who goes around maiming small animals! Or Santa Claus -- what a bastard!
RIMMER: Eh?
LISTER: He's the big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the kid's favorite toys!

Fiery said...

BWAHAHAHA!!! That's hillarious! Thanks for sharing that awesome scene! Some guy forcing 50 quid in your wallet- at knife point.

Santa buggering off with the kids' favorite toys.

LOL What a funny way to start my day!

T&A said...

Beautiful idea! Can you see what you can do to make this happen for all of us? :)

King Aardvark said...

Dammit, Johnny beat me to it. I've got the complete Red Dwarf at home on DVD and was going to refer you to that episode. It's a great concept.

And Richard, the problem with squeezing your body back up there isn't that it's going back in (which, on the face of it isn't much worse than the way we do things now) but that it's going in breach :-)

Also, C-sections would be interesting.

Richard said...

A C-section Kin A, Yowp, I would not have thought of that one. And it wouldn't end there!!

Nine mos. later mum will be all slimmed down again, having lost her pregnancy weight. The stretch marks will have vanished. The mum and dad will start off with an exhausted cuddling session, or maybe a smoke. Then an orgasm where 'everything' swims upstream; that'd be weird. That might well be just before the condom knits itself back together!! Then there might be a couple of hours of raunchy foreplay, and an excited conversation on protected sex as they engage in a wild tearing ON of clothes. [Makes me wonder about a strip club crowd yelling: "Put it back on!!]

Hmmmm... maybe all that is better going forwards.

Reg Golb said...

Cool, maybe one day we will all evolve that way.