Monday, September 8, 2008

open forum 17

The first of the month came without acknowledgment from me. heh. Other things have as well, including my daughter's appointment to get her wisdom teeth removed. It's been rescheduled to October 9th. If I can pull my head out, we'll make it this time.

Fucking insurance is only going to cover $525 and my share is $1200. I'll just pull that straight out of my arse. FFUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!

Open Forum- it's like open mic. You can ask me questions or talk amongst yourselves.

Think I'll go get the mail. Maybe that book I ordered will be there.


Anonymous said...

OK I'll start the open forum, with 2 questions.

What book are you expecting, and which book has had the greatest influence on you?

Bugger about the dental bill!!

Thump Thump Eyes said...

Dentists...always equals LOTS OF MONEY!!

They have us by the short and curlies, although in Australia we have the public health system, supposed to be for the people who cant afford to go to a 'normal' dentist. However, the system is in a great shermozzle and in Queensland my sister waited 5 years to have some work done...ugh!

Fiery said...

OzA- On the recommendation of a friend, I ordered Change Your Thinking: Overcome Stress, Anxiety, and Depression, and Improve Your Life with CBT* by Sarah Edelman.

*Cognitive Behavior Therapy

The first page of the book had a quotation on it: "I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsover." ~Karen Blixen

<.caustic.sarcasm.> comment deleted <./caustic.sarcasm.>

*sigh* I have a lot of work to do.

I can rationally examine my emotions, pin point them and say, "I feel like a failure as a partner and a mother", "I feel like I don't deserve to be healthy, happy or with somebody". And I know those feelings are irrational, illogical, and pretty much wrong in every sense. But I don't know how to stop feeling that way. Fingers crossed that the book helps.

The book that had the greatest positive influence on my life up until this point was Julian Jayne's book: The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. It completely destroyed any lingering belief in god and gave a very plausible explanation for the creation of "god" in history.

The book that had the greatest negative influence on my life was the Bible. It's teachings on guilt, self-sacrifice, original sin and thought crimes are issues I still struggle with to this day.

Traceytreasure said...

Ask if they offer Care Credit at the dentist's office. It's a credit program where you can make payments, interest free for 6 months. That's how I paid for my gold crown. If you do it pay it off as soon as you can and you won't have to pay interest!!
Good luck with that!!

My question - Did your Mom find the backward books while dusting? LOL!! :)
And, if you have a book sale, will you please let me know?

Fiery said...

I don't know if we would qualify for the dental credit card, can't hurt to try, eh? Hadn't thought of that so thanks for the suggestion.

It appears that the backwards books went undetected. Most likely because of an ongoing policy of "don't ask, don't tell".

Will keep you apprised of the book situation. :)

Half rabbit said...

What a weird quote. In my view if you can't already see the beauty in life then you aren't taking enough pain meds... (I'm only currently on paracetamol I swear :) )

Fiery said...

Hence...the bourbon.... :)

Traceytreasure said...

Trust me, if they offer it, you qualify!! I did and you should see my credit report!! Okay, maybe not!!
The interest after 6 months is really high so that's where they get you but if you can pay it off while it's interest free, you save some change. And, it's a lot easier to pull $200.00 a month out of your arse than it is $1,200.00! Trust me!! Best wishes!!

Richard said...

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way..."

A heck of a lot of people have difficult times. I have to keep reminding myself of human history --it's mostly ghastly.
(How's that for consonance, snerk.)

When I get all distracted and upset at what has happened to me in the last few years, it is probably, mostly, stupid.

So on the opposite and much smarter perspective:
I am sitting here with (not in any order) a nice lap top, a decent though small home, a 9 yr old Honda Odyssey, two lovely daughters (an added stress I would rather have than not have) and a nifty dog. I still have my parents and my supportive though cranky spinster aunt. I am vastly more fit than all but the most fit men my age. I have a good mind for the most part (my anger-at-injustice undercurrent notwithstanding).

Perhaps most importantly, I still have hope that I can accomplish more yet, in a productive sense and maybe even in a romantic sense.

I have to make myself focus on that good stuff, and with much more regular frequency. THAT, in fact, is really what CBM (Cognitive Behavior Modification) is really all about. It means identifying and focusing on goals that bring ME happiness (as opposed to pleasant distraction). It also means recognizing what one has that IS worth being happy about.

I have been screwing up on both those positive focuses, with the result that much less important negative things become my focus instead. Each one has me pouring a Brandy, or even buying a pack of cigarettes. Meh! What am I thinking? !@#$%^&*()

There is a woman at the Leash Free Park, where I take Jayda, who is two years younger than me. She is enormously overweight, something that I have been repulsed by since I was about three years of age. One day I commented to her that I really liked her German Shepherd, and we had a conversation. Marcie was very very nice. Eventually I discovered that she had severe diabetes complications, open ulcers on her legs that had been worsening for over ten years. Everything from her thighs down was swollen, and had to be tightly bandaged. Her weight upset her enormously. She and her doctor had tried to balance her diet and insulin in a way to reduce her weight, but it exacerbated her ulcers. They do not know why. And, most of you probably know what her not-so-long-term prognosis is: double amputation!

Her husband has to live on Percoset (Oxycodone) because a nerve in his jaw causes so much pain he cannot sleep or work. The Percoset worsens his sleep but allows him to work... when he is not fading into a sleepless daze.

Yet, Marcie is always smiling and friendly. She asks how I am, praising my dog, Jayda, and how I treat her, remarking on lovely weather, or yesterday's fine weather if today is raining. Every day in winter she totters across the bumpy ice of the dog park, threatening to fall at any second, to throw a ball for her dog, all with the same positive attitude. How the H_ll does she keep that attitude up? She should be in a wheel chair. Still, she doesn't dwell on her problems, but looks at everything she can find that is good.

In the words of Helen Keller, "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows." Not bad for someone who was deaf and blind! I am such a wimp, buck UP Richard!! ...well, okay, right after this glass of Brandy.

notreligion said...

Is Marcie a christian? Maybe you should ask her. I am. I think you will still be looking for something to make you happy long after Marcie is gone. Just a thought.

Richard said...

notreligion: I have been going through a bad stretch lasting a number of years, but believe I am climbing out of it. I do not believe faith has a monopoly on happiness during a struggle. Rose colored glasses can sometimes help but real vision is much better and more reliable. Some get addicted to the glasses.

That said, I believe she is indeed Xtian, as she has mentioned God (but I was politely silent).