"How to Shut Up an Atheist if You Must" PART ONE

I was recently sent an article and did nothing with it for a few days. Just read it and let it simmer in the back of my mind, building until I had to write about it. Unfortunately when I got done writing the thing was MASSIVE. So I'm breaking it into 2 posts.

This particular article (read intellectual black hole) was forwarded to me by Richard, a big thank you to Richard for sharing something that made my eyes bleed and my brain hurt. *snerk*

It does however bear looking at because it is just one more example of the insidious nature of fundies to make arguments that SOUND reasonable until you actually break them apart and figure out what they are really trying to say. Much like Mark Cahill's book that I talk of in a September post, with similar physiological results. Maybe it's allergies.

When I was in 4th grade (year 4) the school administration decided to change the handwriting style taught from cursive to italics. I HATED italics and thus, for the remainder of this post, the fundy nonsense will be in italics. Mine will be in good ole ball and stick.

How to Shut Up an Atheist if You Must
By Doug Giles
Saturday, October 20, 2007

What a lovely christian sentiment expressed in the title. Note that it does not say, "How to Lead a Hard Core Atheist to the Light of Our Loving Father". Just how to shut them up if you must. Apparently atheists should just be... what? Ignored until they get to the unbearable point? What happened to spreading the word of god to all nations?

The atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close. Yes, the fat lady just wrenched herself off her humongous backside, has cleared her throat and now is fixin’ to sing the finale on the atheist’s ability to have fun with their specious little fairy tales at the Christians’ expense.

Note the use of derogatory imagery, the eager little atheist "running in circles" asking "darling questions". Hmmmmm I can't think of a single question I would raise to a christian that could possibly be called darling.

Darling-(informal usage)- charming, adorable

First non adorable question that comes to mind, "What do you think of god's ordering the raping of all young virgins and the slaughter of every man, woman, child and infant?"

"Specious". Dear me, did he just describe an atheist argument as specious? That sounds quite serious, I'd best look into that....

Specious- seemingly attractive, true, plausible, or correct but actually not so; deceptive.

Ah, I see. Specious- an argument that sounds reasonable, might even bandy about scientific terms or historical facts, but something is wrong and twisted about it, something just doesn't quite ring true, and ends up ultimately being incorrect. I forget, who was specious again?

I wonder what type of "fairy tales" he is referring to? My favorite fairy tale is "Beauty and the Beast" particularly the retelling by Robin McKinley entitled Beauty. One of my favorite books ever.. Oh crap! I haven't put that on my profile yet. For shame. BRB. Must update my profile. ;-) Ok, all better now. Whew! So, where was I... oh yes.

Specius atheist fairy tales. Oh, oh! I know one....

Fossils are evidence of earth's natural history stretching back over millions of years.

Because the biblical scholars would have us believe that god planted those fossils just so that it would be even more difficult to accept the 6 day creation/ 6000 year old earth on faith.

Wait.... something is specious here. Which one is the fairy tale?

That is if the Christian will buy, devour, commit to memory and stand up and challenge the pouty anti-God cabal with the atheist-slaying facts found in two new books from Regnery namely, What’s So Great about Christianity and The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Bible.

The lead off most important thing for the christian to do? BUY THE BOOK. *snerk* Notice that the christian has to "commit to memory" the phrases necessary to shut the atheist up. The books aren't going to teach him to think for himself. And then he's off into another round of derogatory adjectives: pouty (I rarely pout), anti-God (ok you got me there), cabal..... crap I don't know what cabal is. Sounds Muslimish... Do I cabal? Am I cabal? Where's my dictionary....

Cabal- a conspiratorial group

WTF?!! There is an atheist cabal???? Why wasn't I told? I want to join!!! Where do I sign up????? DAMMIT!!!! I'm missing out on the clandestine meetings, the secret handshakes. *gasp* I wonder if they have secret code words. Oh I HOPE that I find out about the meetings like they did in Ultra Violet. WOO HOO!!!!!

Where was I.... oh yes... I was worrying about those "atheist slaying facts" that I will be presented with which will shut me up.

Authors Dinesh D’Souza and Robert Hutchinson skillfully answer, once again, the atheist’s pet questions about the existence (or non-existence) of God and how Christianity has allegedly made the world suck. Suck, for you thick atheists, is a slang word which means to make or to be really, really crappy (kind of like how our culture becomes anytime you guys mess with it).

"Pet questions" I have a few pet questions.
* What is the best way to introduce two adult cats to each other so they will be friends?
* Do cats scratch their ears on regular days or is it always a sign of ear mites?
* Why does my cat Chiana like to get in the shower with me and and stand under the spray drinking the water in the bottom of the tub?

Oh how exciting, they are going to provide evidence for the existence of god.... wait a minute. They didn't say anything about evidence. They said "skillfully answer...the existence (or non-existence) of god" Wow. Sounds like the authors have really nailed down a position on this one.

They will also address the issue of "how christians have made the world suck". I didn't know christians used the word "suck". Is that any way to talk? Doesn't using the word "suck" make the baby jesus cry?

*gasp* "thick atheists" is this a weight loss issue or a penile issue? Because it isn't politically correct to deride people about their weight, but they can talk about the latter all day. woo hooo!!!!!! Oh damn, that's just my mind in the gutter, they mean that we are stupid. *sigh*

Wasn't it thoughtful of them to explain the word "suck" to us, 'cause up until then I was thinking that the christians had created a low-pressure system in the world that was sucking all the life from it. Which... IS rather what they are trying to do isn't it? christians suck the joy out of life. Wait...it's ATHEISTS who are suppposedly ...how the hell did he put it??? I have to scroll an awful long way up, so I'll just copy and paste it again for a second look..."really crappy (kind of like how our culture becomes anytime you guys mess with it)".

Let's take a look at christians messing with cultures.
*When the church gets absolute control over society you get those interminably long centuries of the dark ages.
*When the church gets political power you get Inquisitions and the Crusades.
*When the church gets legislative power you get coat hanger abortions, dying from diseases that could have been cured with stem cells.
*When the church steps into charitable work you get women dying from AIDS because they are afraid of condoms.

Oh yeah. *shudder* watch out for atheist control of society.

These books will be especially beneficial for high school and college students to draw upon when their secular anti-God fuming delirious instructors start railing against God and Christianity.

I'm pretty sure that teachers aren't allowed to talk about god in public highschools (that whole pesky church and state thing), and students go to private highschools and college by CHOICE. If you don't like the instructor who is secular, OR anti-God, OR fuming, OR delirious why are you still in the class? Weird.