Thursday, October 25, 2007

"How to Shut Up an Atheist if You Must" PART ONE

I was recently sent an article and did nothing with it for a few days. Just read it and let it simmer in the back of my mind, building until I had to write about it. Unfortunately when I got done writing the thing was MASSIVE. So I'm breaking it into 2 posts.

This particular article (read intellectual black hole) was forwarded to me by Richard, a big thank you to Richard for sharing something that made my eyes bleed and my brain hurt. *snerk*

It does however bear looking at because it is just one more example of the insidious nature of fundies to make arguments that SOUND reasonable until you actually break them apart and figure out what they are really trying to say. Much like Mark Cahill's book that I talk of in a September post, with similar physiological results. Maybe it's allergies.

When I was in 4th grade (year 4) the school administration decided to change the handwriting style taught from cursive to italics. I HATED italics and thus, for the remainder of this post, the fundy nonsense will be in italics. Mine will be in good ole ball and stick.

How to Shut Up an Atheist if You Must
By Doug Giles
Saturday, October 20, 2007

What a lovely christian sentiment expressed in the title. Note that it does not say, "How to Lead a Hard Core Atheist to the Light of Our Loving Father". Just how to shut them up if you must. Apparently atheists should just be... what? Ignored until they get to the unbearable point? What happened to spreading the word of god to all nations?

The atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close. Yes, the fat lady just wrenched herself off her humongous backside, has cleared her throat and now is fixin’ to sing the finale on the atheist’s ability to have fun with their specious little fairy tales at the Christians’ expense.

Note the use of derogatory imagery, the eager little atheist "running in circles" asking "darling questions". Hmmmmm I can't think of a single question I would raise to a christian that could possibly be called darling.

Darling-(informal usage)- charming, adorable

First non adorable question that comes to mind, "What do you think of god's ordering the raping of all young virgins and the slaughter of every man, woman, child and infant?"

"Specious". Dear me, did he just describe an atheist argument as specious? That sounds quite serious, I'd best look into that....

Specious- seemingly attractive, true, plausible, or correct but actually not so; deceptive.

Ah, I see. Specious- an argument that sounds reasonable, might even bandy about scientific terms or historical facts, but something is wrong and twisted about it, something just doesn't quite ring true, and ends up ultimately being incorrect. I forget, who was specious again?

I wonder what type of "fairy tales" he is referring to? My favorite fairy tale is "Beauty and the Beast" particularly the retelling by Robin McKinley entitled Beauty. One of my favorite books ever.. Oh crap! I haven't put that on my profile yet. For shame. BRB. Must update my profile. ;-) Ok, all better now. Whew! So, where was I... oh yes.

Specius atheist fairy tales. Oh, oh! I know one....

Fossils are evidence of earth's natural history stretching back over millions of years.

Because the biblical scholars would have us believe that god planted those fossils just so that it would be even more difficult to accept the 6 day creation/ 6000 year old earth on faith.

Wait.... something is specious here. Which one is the fairy tale?

That is if the Christian will buy, devour, commit to memory and stand up and challenge the pouty anti-God cabal with the atheist-slaying facts found in two new books from Regnery namely, What’s So Great about Christianity and The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Bible.

The lead off most important thing for the christian to do? BUY THE BOOK. *snerk* Notice that the christian has to "commit to memory" the phrases necessary to shut the atheist up. The books aren't going to teach him to think for himself. And then he's off into another round of derogatory adjectives: pouty (I rarely pout), anti-God (ok you got me there), cabal..... crap I don't know what cabal is. Sounds Muslimish... Do I cabal? Am I cabal? Where's my dictionary....

Cabal- a conspiratorial group

WTF?!! There is an atheist cabal???? Why wasn't I told? I want to join!!! Where do I sign up????? DAMMIT!!!! I'm missing out on the clandestine meetings, the secret handshakes. *gasp* I wonder if they have secret code words. Oh I HOPE that I find out about the meetings like they did in Ultra Violet. WOO HOO!!!!!

Where was I.... oh yes... I was worrying about those "atheist slaying facts" that I will be presented with which will shut me up.

Authors Dinesh D’Souza and Robert Hutchinson skillfully answer, once again, the atheist’s pet questions about the existence (or non-existence) of God and how Christianity has allegedly made the world suck. Suck, for you thick atheists, is a slang word which means to make or to be really, really crappy (kind of like how our culture becomes anytime you guys mess with it).

"Pet questions" I have a few pet questions.
* What is the best way to introduce two adult cats to each other so they will be friends?
* Do cats scratch their ears on regular days or is it always a sign of ear mites?
* Why does my cat Chiana like to get in the shower with me and and stand under the spray drinking the water in the bottom of the tub?

Oh how exciting, they are going to provide evidence for the existence of god.... wait a minute. They didn't say anything about evidence. They said "skillfully answer...the existence (or non-existence) of god" Wow. Sounds like the authors have really nailed down a position on this one.

They will also address the issue of "how christians have made the world suck". I didn't know christians used the word "suck". Is that any way to talk? Doesn't using the word "suck" make the baby jesus cry?

*gasp* "thick atheists" is this a weight loss issue or a penile issue? Because it isn't politically correct to deride people about their weight, but they can talk about the latter all day. woo hooo!!!!!! Oh damn, that's just my mind in the gutter, they mean that we are stupid. *sigh*

Wasn't it thoughtful of them to explain the word "suck" to us, 'cause up until then I was thinking that the christians had created a low-pressure system in the world that was sucking all the life from it. Which... IS rather what they are trying to do isn't it? christians suck the joy out of life.'s ATHEISTS who are suppposedly the hell did he put it??? I have to scroll an awful long way up, so I'll just copy and paste it again for a second look..."really crappy (kind of like how our culture becomes anytime you guys mess with it)".

Let's take a look at christians messing with cultures.
*When the church gets absolute control over society you get those interminably long centuries of the dark ages.
*When the church gets political power you get Inquisitions and the Crusades.
*When the church gets legislative power you get coat hanger abortions, dying from diseases that could have been cured with stem cells.
*When the church steps into charitable work you get women dying from AIDS because they are afraid of condoms.

Oh yeah. *shudder* watch out for atheist control of society.

These books will be especially beneficial for high school and college students to draw upon when their secular anti-God fuming delirious instructors start railing against God and Christianity.

I'm pretty sure that teachers aren't allowed to talk about god in public highschools (that whole pesky church and state thing), and students go to private highschools and college by CHOICE. If you don't like the instructor who is secular, OR anti-God, OR fuming, OR delirious why are you still in the class? Weird.


King Aardvark said...

Nice rant, fiery. I love the snark.

Anyway, where'd the original article by Giles come from? Fundy website?

Fiery said...

*blushes* Thank you King A!

Giles works for and this piece of tripe has been published all OVER the internet. *gack* And people praise it wherever he submits it.

As for how I got my hands on it... Richard inflicted it on me. Thanks Richard! *snerk*

I think I'm on his "forward list"....

Richard said...

Hey, being on my "forward list" is a very special thing! I am very selective about who gets what.

Each person on the list is treated according to my understanding of their personal interests, and I ask for feedback if anything sent does or doesn't suit them. So, no more use of ellipsis to suggest unnamed, yet hinted, negative implications. For that, I am going to subscribe you to The WatchTower. You'll have JW fundies banging on your door in no time. Then they'll convert your kids... BwahHahHaHaa.

You will have jeebus icons all over your house: little Virgin Mary statues, pictures of Jeebus with a crown of thorns, or drifting up to heaven with his palms turned to face you as he gazes out of the frame with BIG soulful eyes as beams of light radiate from the clouds behind him. Crucifixes will appear on your walls, some with his body, sculpted to look like a weak ten year old boy twisted in pain, blood oozing from a gash in his side and drooling from the thorn gashes on his head, and his face gazing heavenward in rapture*. Now that's an ideal all of humanity should support, No?!

Of course, I mean that in the kindest way. Your soul CAN be saved. *Gacque* ;-)

*BTW I was amazed to find out that "passion" originally meant total agony from torture (being burned alive or crucifixion being the preferred examples of serious passion). Mel Gibson KNEW that when shooting "The Passion of the Christ". To think that the religious object to violent movies, yet flocked (pun intended) to a Hollywood snuff film!!!!!! Calling religious people "sheep" is an insult to the entire scientific genus of animals known as Ovis. In fact one member of the Ovis are true Mountain Kings: the Mountain Sheep, Ovis dallii who are only surpassed by those Gods of Mountains, the Mountain Goats, subFamily Caprinae.

Watch this goat as it bounds down a jagged and broken cliff as a Snow Leopard chases it. It's a pretty amazing 90 seconds! I'd be dead 100x even before the Leopard caught me. (I hate the whispered reverence of voice-over nature films and the endless fawning over footage of an animal grazing or licking its paws and young, but after about one minute the CHASE begins.)

Fiery said...

An open letter to Richard,

Dear Richard,
Recently on my blog I was asked where a certain article came from. I responded in a truthful fashion that it was from you. I freely confess to using the descriptor "inflicted" because of the specifically nauseating quality of christian fundamentalist tripe said article was spewing. It was so bad that I felt compelled to share my disgust in detail with the lovely readers of my blog.

Then I thanked you and snerked because of the irony involved in thanking someone for something one thinks of as "nauseating, spewing tripe". The wink was acknowledging the silliness and setting the mood for the next bit.

The four dots on the end of "I think I'm on his forward list" left the comment open to interpretation. Negativity can be implied, but doesn't have to be assumed. That interpretation is in the eye of the reader. I should have put an additional smiley after it, so that my personal reaction to my status was shown.

My apologies as a writer for not making it more clear to you, my reader, what my intent was.

So- Thank you Richard for including me on your special list and selectively sending me ...stuff.

Now you see those ellipses there, just mean I wasn't sure what to call the material you send "in toto". So I went with the generic term "stuff".

I'm perfectly happy to be on your list of specially chosen materials.

Oh and I look forward to deconverting the JW's, I double dog dare ya to send them around.

Ok- don't. I take it back. I'd rather not take time away from my blog. lol


PS- this letter is meant in light hearted, good natured fun. If any part of it causes hurt feelings, please contact me immediately for a humorless straight-forward rendition of said information.

Fiery said...

oh crap, now i've been and gone and done it. that doesn't even read funny to me now that it's up.

shit. Well it was intended to be very tongue in cheek.


I usually like nature films but that narrator was particularly whispery and annoying and that cello background muzak? Maybe for a snow leopard dying of old age, but hardly appropriate for a high speed cliff chase.

Richard said...

So you knew I was joking. Heh Heh
Yes everything else 'bout the goat video was junk

Fiery said...

You are a tricky one to tease Richard, and I'm usually quite good at ribbin' people.