Wednesday, July 25, 2007

meet The Underminer

from The Incredibles

My daughter got back today from visiting both sets of grandparents for the last month and a half.

After she visited my folks for over a month she came back home and was
1- excited to start homeschooling again
2- eager to prepare for college
3- determined to do well in her studies
4- ready to buckle down and concentrate
5- fired up with the need to challenge herself
6- realizing she was 14 and only has about 4 years left to learn what she needs to know before leaving for college
7- filled with ideas on how to rearrange the schoolroom, her schedule, her bedroom to maximize learning

I was SOOOOO excited. Finally, she was ready to get to work! Looking forward to homeschooling!! Filled with ideas on how to approach her classes!!!

The very day my folks bring her back we get a call from her other set of grandparents to tell us that my daughter's very dear friend, who moved across the state 6 months ago, was going to be staying with them for a week and could Punkin #1 please oh please come stay with them so the best friends can visit?


I agreed with some reservations. I really didn't want to deny my daughter time with her best friend. On the other hand I was worried about losing the momentum she had gained with my folks.

However, friends are important and I didn't want to stand in their way, even if the timing wasn't great for me. So off she went, 5 days with her friend, 5 days afterwards just her and the CantStandJa's.

So... today Punkin#1 arrived home at 8:50 a.m. Within 30 minutes of her arrival, I found out the extent of the lost momentum I had feared. *groan*

She came home with a list/notes she had made during her visits with her grandma who I am told is a very good listener with good comments. That is so bitterly ironic since Cunty's definint characteristic is an overactive mouth with nonworking ears.

You may think I'm exaggerating to make a point. I thought the same thing when my mate first told me about Cunty. The bitch doesn't know how to shut up. She'll blab right over the top of you talking and has no conversational give and take skills whatsover. If you want to say something you literally have to talk over the top of her until she realizes you are speaking and shuts up. Which makes what follows fucking ironic as well.

My daughter started talking as soon as the CantStandJa's left.

1- she is worried because she has no "social skills"
-strange how she used this phrase repeatedly and yet has no idea
what those social skills might be, just that she doesn't have any
-this from a girl who every stranger she meets is a potential friend
-who is comfortable talking to people of any age range
2- she thinks that having 5 minutes between classes will give her organizational skills
3- at the very least she wants a "curriculum"
-strange how she wants it and yet has absolutely no idea what a curriculum is.
-Her reply, "I thought you'd know what it was when I mentioned it."
4- she has to meet more people
5- both she and her brother really should be in public school
-because then I could get a job and help out with finances
6- I should get a job so I can help out with finances
-this is the one that threw me right over the edge.

Up until this moment Cunty, the backstabbing bitch, had plausible deniability wrapped up in a bag. But this one.. this phrase "get a part time job so you can help out with finances" has been a recurring theme with the CantStandJa's since I met my mate 15 years ago. Always they have wanted me working and contributing to the finances, like I am draining them by my very existence. Any time we've struggled, their solution has always entailed them finding a way so I could get a job. Weird since Cunty CantStandJa quit working the moment she got pregnant with her first child and NEVER worked again a day in her life.

Maybe it's not clear to you how I feel undermined. Let me spell it out. Not because you don't get it, this is for me. I need to write this.

When she got back from Montana, the whole spirit of my daughter was lit from within. She was on fire to learn, eager to help around the house, ready to step into her path as a young adult and embrace the fact that she was no longer a child.

When she got back from the lakes, she was filled with all these doubts and concerns. I don't have any friends, I don't have any social skills, I don't follow a curriculum, the only answer is public school.

When the CantStandJa's were confronted, and oh yeah, my mate confronted all right! Within moments of finding out that he was upset about something, particularly being undermined, Cunty had her game face on. "All I did was listen, she came to me crying and I put my arms around her and just listened."

Really? Isn't that so sweet. And after you were done "just listening" did you give us a call? Did you ask us how we would address those concerns she had? Or did you fill her ears with words she doesn't know like "social skills", "curriculum"? Did you take her over to a public schooled kids house and have them visit so she could learn about how to dress for school and boyfriends and 5 minutes between classes.

I just found the page my daughter took notes on. Here it is, raw, uncensored, except for the names.

"Mom, I want to go to public school for 1 year.
I need friends- I'm very lonely. With friends I would be much happier.
I want social skills
- so I can live in the world.
- You can't protect me forever.
- I appreciate all you have done for me.
I need skills so I can go to college
I want the challenge- new personalities
Cheaper.. Education is free.
- lunch around $1.50
I have talked with whitney, a neighbor of the CantStandJa's about public school. She told me much from dressing to boyfriends to prices to what to expect in classes. Might help with less boredom. Personalities.
Gym class, health class
Organizational lessons hidden in regular classes
For classes have 5 minute breaks between
Computer time 1 hour for research, e-mail, etc..."

Some of these concerns are very legitimate.

My heart aches that my daughter is lonely. My mate and I are aware of this and are looking for ways for her to meet people her own age that would be good friends for her.

When you read that list...can you see between the lines and find their insidious presence there... She "appreciates" all I've done for her. My daughter has never talked like that before. Public school is cheaper. Yeah. I'm sure she came up with that one all on her own. Right now I am fortunate that I don't have to worry if my kids are dressed "cool" enough to fly under the radar of the mean kids. Gym class- yeah there's a class I want to repeat.


Hello boys and girls.
The word for the day is "undermining"
Can you stay "back stabbing cunt"?
I knew you could.


Can I reiterate that the topics my daughter covered went WAY beyond Cunty "just listening" and "just asking questions"? When confronted Cunty claims that the conversation happened right before bed. Well what about the one with the neighbor kid? Why the fuck didn't they call us and ask us about this shit directly?????


I've been broadsided my daughter's grandparents. And they didn't have the courage to do it in person, they used her as their torpedo delivery system.

This is a battle of ideas. Unfortunately for them, this is one they will lose.


Poodles Rule said...

Wow that is all shitty, I am hoping they have lost unsupervised visit rights.

I would also say that if cunty is religious of any kind, she probably doesn't know you aren't (I am totally speculating here so bear with me) well, now might be the time to share that information. Be cunty right back at her.

Fiery said...

lol. Yer damn right it was shitty, and they have SOOOO lost visitation privileges.

They are both absolutely religious, belonging to a very hardcover Missouri Synod Lutheran church. They know we are atheists and have had to leave the kids at their house on Sundays when they go off to church.

I got all sorts of pleasure in imagining their challenges in explaining that to everyone else.

I just got off the phone with my mate, who called them back a second time to rip them a new asshole. (Oh he is soooo good at that, it's impressive to watch) At one point he had PussyWhipped CantStandJa frothing at the mouth and threatening that this was going to give him a heart attack.

janice said...


I feel really bad for you FE. I don't know what to say.

Maybe another visit to momma and papa ewok could reverse this.


Poodles Rule said...

Darn! Too bad they already know your are atheists. Do they know you are swinging BDSMers? >;O. Sorry but that would be soooo funny...

Anyway, best of luck with this, at least you have Mr. Fierys help with it.

Fiery said...

roflmao. Ohhh Poodles, I would LOVE to come up with a real zinger for them.

I think the knowledge that Mr. Fiery ended the first phone call saying, "I hope you said a really nice goodbye to Punkin #1!" is going to throw them, just a bit.

:-) Thank you Janice! I think we will handle this one in house, for now. But I am going to definitely encourage #1 to e-mail Mama Ewok and regain some of the enthusiasm she left Montana with.

This is NOT the way I wanted to spend her first full day home.


Keith Sader said...

Any chance you can send her back to Montana for a week?

Fiery said...

Hello Keith, and welcome! If it becomes necessary, we will consider another visit to Montana.

After the initial talk this morning, the subject has not been breached again.

Teenagers can be as changeable as the desert sands, right now she is reconnecting with her brother.

As for school...

A deep voice, with fingers steepled says,
"We shall see....."

Ginny said...

That is quite a bit of undermining. The mixed signals your daughter got from both sets of grandparents must have been very confusing to her.

They had no right to talk to your daughter about their concerns. They should have come straight to you. I think you have every reason to be furious.

Maggie Rosethorn said...

Oh, Fiery, that sucks! My MIL does the same sort of stuff, unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to stand up to her during my own kids school years so they were public schooled and often miserable.

Miserable Synod Lutherans (my mother's term...she is a life long Lutheran but different synod) figures.

Good luck with your Punkin#1.

Fiery said...

Thank you Ginny! I'm letting my mate handle the fury part. And a swell job he's doing! Yeah Mr. Fiery!!!!!

I was profoundly and utterly shocked at their nerve to suggest public school. And disgusted at the contempt they showed for me by suggesting I get a job to "help out" financially.

What really blows my mind, is that if they had come to us and said, have you considered X, Punkin #1 is worried about Y, there could have been a discussion. But they didn't play it that way. They've used sly innuendo and hinted at solutions and are now denying all culpability.

Tomorrow will be the day to discuss things with P#1, her hopes and dreams for her future, get her reconnected with her excitement about growing up.

Fiery said...

Maggie, thanks for posting again! It's been awhile since I've heard from you. :-)

Miserable Synods is right. They seem to absolutely revel in "good old lutheran guilt". It's all about what a miserable sinner you are without the church.

You are right, this situation sucks. It sounds like it also sucked for you as a mom too. :-/

Nothing like being undercut by the kids' grandparents. It's just so blindingly aggrevating.

(The hell with them!) My main focus now is to see the underlying concerns my daughter has with her schooling and get those satisfactorily addressed.

Attila The Mom said...

Eeek eeek eeek.

One day I'll unload about my ex marrying and converting to Mormonism (after I went through an anullment so he could marry a Catholic lady he was previously engaged to).

It's MY fault he didn't tie a knot in "it" so he and current wife could bring multiple spirit babies into the world (it's a vagina, not a clown car!).

The child support he's paying for our two is taking the bread out of the mouths of his "real" kids. The very LEAST I could do is get a job to lessen his obligation.

[sigh] LOL Asshat.

Fiery said...

That is one hilarious image of all those kids crammed in there just waiting to pop out. lol

His "real" kids????? WTF that's got to suck. I hope your boys don't know he thinks of them that way.

Joe said...

Wow, Fiery. What a load of shit. I'm glad for you that Mr Fiery is backing you 100% and giving his parents hell. I've never had that and I've been married three times.
Another trip to Montana might not be such a bad idea.
The gall to interfere in anothers marriage and child raising. **Joe shaking his head sadly**

Fiery said...

:-) thank you joe! I was rather appalled myself. ok. Furious, enraged, royally pissed off.

And really hard not to let my daughter know. I don't want her to think I'm upset with her, I'm not. This wasn't her fault. She came back thinking she'd been given the answers to our problems.


Gramomster said...

Oh holy fuck! My inlaws are kind of yucky, but nothing like that. They are both lifelong teachers, but the other grandkids are the good ones, you know, 'finished' school, dressed right, didn't pierce odd body parts, didn't have 'kool-aid' heads, etc. The other grandkids, they spent lots of time at the grandparents. My kids, one trip. Ever. My kids, no christmas money, no birthday money for The Girl this year... they have a ritual, 5 bucks per year until 21. Oooops! The Girl had a baby at 16. End of birthday money. No Christmas or birthday gifts for the greatgrandboy either. WTF!?

Grrrrrrrr..... inlaws....

I am so sorry you have to deal with this kind of shit. Seriously, though, get her Real Lives... I think there's a kid in there who became a veternarian... It just might fire her up again.

And social skills?! As brought up on other blogs, what skills? Backstabbing cuntyness?! That's probably what your MIL noticed was missing... She sounds like an expert. There must be some kind of art program or theater program or volunteering at an animal rescue or something your girl could do to meet people with her interests, and who could maybe become mentors and help her on her way.

My thoughts are with you...