meet The Underminer

from The Incredibles

My daughter got back today from visiting both sets of grandparents for the last month and a half.

After she visited my folks for over a month she came back home and was
1- excited to start homeschooling again
2- eager to prepare for college
3- determined to do well in her studies
4- ready to buckle down and concentrate
5- fired up with the need to challenge herself
6- realizing she was 14 and only has about 4 years left to learn what she needs to know before leaving for college
7- filled with ideas on how to rearrange the schoolroom, her schedule, her bedroom to maximize learning

I was SOOOOO excited. Finally, she was ready to get to work! Looking forward to homeschooling!! Filled with ideas on how to approach her classes!!!

The very day my folks bring her back we get a call from her other set of grandparents to tell us that my daughter's very dear friend, who moved across the state 6 months ago, was going to be staying with them for a week and could Punkin #1 please oh please come stay with them so the best friends can visit?

*sigh*

I agreed with some reservations. I really didn't want to deny my daughter time with her best friend. On the other hand I was worried about losing the momentum she had gained with my folks.

However, friends are important and I didn't want to stand in their way, even if the timing wasn't great for me. So off she went, 5 days with her friend, 5 days afterwards just her and the CantStandJa's.

So... today Punkin#1 arrived home at 8:50 a.m. Within 30 minutes of her arrival, I found out the extent of the lost momentum I had feared. *groan*

She came home with a list/notes she had made during her visits with her grandma who I am told is a very good listener with good comments. That is so bitterly ironic since Cunty's definint characteristic is an overactive mouth with nonworking ears.

You may think I'm exaggerating to make a point. I thought the same thing when my mate first told me about Cunty. The bitch doesn't know how to shut up. She'll blab right over the top of you talking and has no conversational give and take skills whatsover. If you want to say something you literally have to talk over the top of her until she realizes you are speaking and shuts up. Which makes what follows fucking ironic as well.


My daughter started talking as soon as the CantStandJa's left.

1- she is worried because she has no "social skills"
-strange how she used this phrase repeatedly and yet has no idea
what those social skills might be, just that she doesn't have any
-this from a girl who every stranger she meets is a potential friend
-who is comfortable talking to people of any age range
2- she thinks that having 5 minutes between classes will give her organizational skills
3- at the very least she wants a "curriculum"
-strange how she wants it and yet has absolutely no idea what a curriculum is.
-Her reply, "I thought you'd know what it was when I mentioned it."
4- she has to meet more people
5- both she and her brother really should be in public school
-because then I could get a job and help out with finances
6- I should get a job so I can help out with finances
-this is the one that threw me right over the edge.

Up until this moment Cunty, the backstabbing bitch, had plausible deniability wrapped up in a bag. But this one.. this phrase "get a part time job so you can help out with finances" has been a recurring theme with the CantStandJa's since I met my mate 15 years ago. Always they have wanted me working and contributing to the finances, like I am draining them by my very existence. Any time we've struggled, their solution has always entailed them finding a way so I could get a job. Weird since Cunty CantStandJa quit working the moment she got pregnant with her first child and NEVER worked again a day in her life.

Maybe it's not clear to you how I feel undermined. Let me spell it out. Not because you don't get it, this is for me. I need to write this.

When she got back from Montana, the whole spirit of my daughter was lit from within. She was on fire to learn, eager to help around the house, ready to step into her path as a young adult and embrace the fact that she was no longer a child.

When she got back from the lakes, she was filled with all these doubts and concerns. I don't have any friends, I don't have any social skills, I don't follow a curriculum, the only answer is public school.

When the CantStandJa's were confronted, and oh yeah, my mate confronted all right! Within moments of finding out that he was upset about something, particularly being undermined, Cunty had her game face on. "All I did was listen, she came to me crying and I put my arms around her and just listened."

Really? Isn't that so sweet. And after you were done "just listening" did you give us a call? Did you ask us how we would address those concerns she had? Or did you fill her ears with words she doesn't know like "social skills", "curriculum"? Did you take her over to a public schooled kids house and have them visit so she could learn about how to dress for school and boyfriends and 5 minutes between classes.

I just found the page my daughter took notes on. Here it is, raw, uncensored, except for the names.


"Mom, I want to go to public school for 1 year.
I need friends- I'm very lonely. With friends I would be much happier.
I want social skills
- so I can live in the world.
- You can't protect me forever.
- I appreciate all you have done for me.
I need skills so I can go to college
I want the challenge- new personalities
Cheaper.. Education is free.
- lunch around $1.50
I have talked with whitney, a neighbor of the CantStandJa's about public school. She told me much from dressing to boyfriends to prices to what to expect in classes. Might help with less boredom. Personalities.
Gym class, health class
Organizational lessons hidden in regular classes
For classes have 5 minute breaks between
Computer time 1 hour for research, e-mail, etc..."

Some of these concerns are very legitimate.

My heart aches that my daughter is lonely. My mate and I are aware of this and are looking for ways for her to meet people her own age that would be good friends for her.

When you read that list...can you see between the lines and find their insidious presence there... She "appreciates" all I've done for her. My daughter has never talked like that before. Public school is cheaper. Yeah. I'm sure she came up with that one all on her own. Right now I am fortunate that I don't have to worry if my kids are dressed "cool" enough to fly under the radar of the mean kids. Gym class- yeah there's a class I want to repeat.

*FLAME ON*

Hello boys and girls.
The word for the day is "undermining"
Can you stay "back stabbing cunt"?
I knew you could.

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF????

Can I reiterate that the topics my daughter covered went WAY beyond Cunty "just listening" and "just asking questions"? When confronted Cunty claims that the conversation happened right before bed. Well what about the one with the neighbor kid? Why the fuck didn't they call us and ask us about this shit directly?????

ARGH!!!!!!!

I've been broadsided my daughter's grandparents. And they didn't have the courage to do it in person, they used her as their torpedo delivery system.

This is a battle of ideas. Unfortunately for them, this is one they will lose.

hypocrisy

Well the snowbirding in-laws are back in town. Every year it's the same song and dance. They get back the first week in May and right away it's *bbbrrring*....*bbbrrring*

"Fiery Ewok, we'd really like to take the two Punkins to Great Grandma's birthday party. She is 95thousand years old you know, never know if she's going to be around for her next birthday. All the relatives are coming. Can we pick up the kids on Friday? We can have them back Sunday afternoon. Oh- what are you doing on Saturday? You're invited too of course."

*eyes rolling* My invitation is always an after thought. A forced politeness that I am not expected to accept.

The thing is, they've been playing the "Great-Grandma's Birthday Trump Card" for the last 7 years. I'm not kidding. Every single year it's the same routine, "we'd like to take the kids to see her so we can get a 4 generation picture".

Now where I grew up, I don't remember ever once posing for a multi-generational picture. But some families cling to these like they will be museum pieces of note and value. *gag*

My first exposure came right after Punkin #1 was born. They arrived in a van, Great-Grandma, Grandma, Grampa, a pair of cousins and an aunt. Great-Grandma sits in a chair holding the baby (MY Punkin) and Grandma says, let's do a generational picture. I groan internally because I hate having my picture taken, but I try and be a good sport. Not hiding or making faces. Just grin and bear it.

I was asked to get out of the picture. Yep. "Could you move out of the picture please? This picture is Cantstandja's only." With these multi-generational pictures, it's only bloodline that counts. Daddy was needed for this picture, not Mommy.

I just about went post-partem postal on them let me tell you.

So here it is 13 years later and they still trot the whole Cantstandja family together for these damnable generational pictures of the blood. You'd think they were royalty instead of just a royal pain in my butt.

In some ways, yes, it's really nice that they want everyone together for a big weekend birthday party.

But if you think about it, how much time do you think the guests actually get to or even have to spend with the honored lady? 2 minutes tops? Maybe. And what conversations get covered? "How are you feeling?" "Have you had much rain yet?" "Is your knee still troubling you?"

Where are they the rest of the year? Living their own lives. Doing their own thing. Don't you think Great-Grandma would appreciate it more if the visits were spread out to several a month coming to see her for a few hours each? Take her out to Perkins for coffee and a slice of pie for cripes sakes!

But no, it's this big migration from all across the upper midwest to Great Grandma's birthday on the off chance that this is her last one. At least they can all claim to have been there.

All but me and my mate. *sigh*

They make a big show of Great-Grandma's birthday, but do they spend any meaningful time with her? Nope. Just make your appearance, snap the pictures, and get on with your life.

Hypocrits