Friday, May 2, 2008

floss daily

I've been wearing my last pair of contact lenses for several months now. (Whoops!) Now that my insurance has kicked in, I finally broke down and went to the optometrist. My favorite part is answering the questions, "Which one is clearer? This one... or this one? This one... or this one? This... or this?" ad infinitum.

While waiting my turn on the cold, hard, plastic chin rest, I was flipping through a magazine with the cover story, "Make Good Sex Great" woohoo!!!!! When I say flipping, what I mean was trying frantically to locate that article before my name was called. I tried the index at the front of the magazine, but in my eagerness to locate the article I couldn't find it listed under whatever pseudonym they had given it to hide its location as the last article in the magazine, thus necessitating a careful perusal of each page as I attempted to locate this treasure trove of advice.

As I was searching, I came across this... and yes I did immediately whip out my cellphone and snap a pic of it. :P In fact, the one I took while holding the magazine didn't turn out as well as the one I took when I placed the magazine on the end table and snapped a birds eye view pic looking straight down on it.



Unfortunately, the quote was a one-offer and had no follow up tips or information. So with a little help from google I found the following advice.

To receive maximum benefits from flossing, use the following proper technique:

1- Wind the floss around your middle finger, leaving an inch or two of floss to work with.

2- Holding the floss tautly between your thumbs and index fingers, slide it gently up-and-down between your teeth.

3- Gently curve the floss around and never snap or force the floss, as this may cut or bruise delicate tissue.

4- Use clean sections of floss as you move around your mouth.

5- To remove the floss, use the same back-and-forth motion to bring the floss up and away from the teeth.

Floss can be waxed or unwaxed and comes in a variety of flavors.

Remember to floss daily, even if you don't have a partner.

...

This has been a public health advisory from your friendly neighborhood blogger- Fiery.

14 comments:

Poodles said...

I'm not sure this message was as "climactic" as I had hoped for. :P

Traceytreasure said...

I thought it was going to be about sex. I'm all bummed now. I'm with Poodles, I was expecting something more "climactic." Thanks for the tease, Fiery ;) Have a great weekend! Don't forget to floss!!

Fiery said...

Rats! I was going for coy and subtle and instead I have blog-balled my favorite female readers! DANG IT!!!!!!

Maybe I should have included some of the results of the article after the flossing tips.

Like the Bouncer which "encourates creativity--there are a lot of ways to push a round peg into a round hole-- but you can explore that without the aid of a $200 piece of equipment."

Or the one that really caught my eye, the Wedge "This prop is long on fun and short on drawbacks, and it won't tkae up half of my closet space when not in use. (Plus, it's easy to hide.)" This one is sooooooo on my wish list.

Thump Thump Eyes said...

Not as ecstatic as i was hoping either dear Fiery... haha flossing and orgasm dont go together in my mind...

We have a friend who was not good at flossing. He would cut his gums every time, just couldnt get the hang of it. His dentist said be careful, but he still couldnt get the hang of it.

Recently he was diagnosed with a faulty valve in his heart and had to have a fake valve fitted. After the operation the doctors told him that germs from around his teeth had entered his bloodstream, settled around this valve and eaten it almost away!! It was because of his flossing and cutting his gums every time...scary but true, warning, floss properly or else!!

Sorry to end the orgasm tease on such a bummer note ;)

Our friend is only young and is now fighting fit again, but if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the fake valve clicking, its spooky!!

Poodles said...

My dad had a fake valve put in a few years before he died. I agree the clicking was kind of creepy. He had dentures though, no flossing mistakes for him.

Fiery said...

So what you're saying is that I didn't go far enough. I pulled back too much.

So noted.

My apologies!

I promise to be more Fiery in the future.

Richard said...

Yes, don't damage those gums. Mouth bacteria are really used to the body's immune system and do pretty well when they get in the blood stream. They tend to collect in 'eddy' areas in the circulatory system, and heart valves are a particularly handy spot for them.

Personally I like to floss with thong underwear. Once in a while, a teasing lick in the opposite direction, seems to result in a more lasting flossing party. Sometimes, the process is so successful that the thong is forgotten entirely, and the party really rocks. Unfortunately, those parties have never had more than one rather happy guest.

Thump Thump Eyes said...

Richard,
This young guy went downhill for about six months, losing lots of weight, no energy, eating and stomach problems...many doctors later one particularly bright one sent him for the test that found the problem, and it was touch and go for a while. Now he is back to good health albeit with a loud clicking in his chest..needless to say a happy chappy :)

As for your other comment re. flossing with your thong, not sure what you were alluding to...but I was thinking what large gaps you must have between your teeth, and hopefully you use a just-washed thong, and what funny little parties you must have with yourself... :)

Richard said...

I say, TTEyes, I don't give a Tinker's damn about the space between my teeth, nor how used the thong is, as long as I can work it about my teeth, and then move 180 degrees into the all important muff dive that, properly done, produces the full "climactic" to which Poodles refers!!

My dear Fiery can verify the nature of my sentiment. I am learning, partly through her, that I am quite unusual, as a Man. As much as my own life, I wish for a woman who understands that, ...to her core.

Oh, and by the way, ya brat, the thong is not mine, IT IS HERS!!!
As an Aussie, how could you think otherwise? Phew, TTEyes, I am going to have to fly to Oz to give you a seriously romantic lesson, my darling, XOXOXO!!

Sex may be wet, but done with the right understanding, it's good thing. Get into it and exaggerate it. No holding back, make a mess!

Thump Thump Eyes said...

*blush* what a twit I am... hahahhaaaaaa....must have been half asleep..bwahaaa...thong, thong, of course thong, suddenly it all slid into place...
ka ching... ;-D

Fiery said...

Unfortunately, those parties have never had more than one rather happy guest.

ummmmm... Richard.... First off, if there aren't two happy people in that party you are't doing it right. And second, are you advertising for a third person to join your party? Perhaps a fourth?

[singsong] Richard wants an orgy, Richard wants an orgy!!! [/singsong]

*snerk*

Richard said...

LOL to you both TTE and Fier!

Fier, I did say one happy "guest". I invite guests only if they make me happy too ¿?

snerk!

Now you have me wondering why I said the "Unfortunately ... only one.." bit. Maybe I was subconsciously onto the idea of an orgy, or maybe I was joking. Hmmmm.

Fiery said...

Isn't "Fier" German for Four??

Richard wants a 4 way, Richard wants a 4 way.

Now the question becomes...Who is the other going to be? ;)

Richard said...

I'm not sure I would be comfortable with a second male, but if the women were to push the matter... Hmmmm ¿? ¿?