What is it about fundy messages being forwarded that makes some jackhole crank the font up to 48 point???? Does that make it more believable to have it written in BIGGER FONT!
All it does is make the mouse stroke getting to the bottom take longer for me. And if I'm going to be stroking the mouse, I'd rather be double clicking my mouse, let me tell you!!!!
Just got this from me Mum....
*sigh*
The Duck & the Devil
There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play without in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.
Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his
sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes.' But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'
Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?' So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'
Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.' She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he
finally couldn't stand it any longer.
He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.
Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'
Thought for the day and every day thereafter?
[Aw Christ, here we go...]
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done...? And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)...whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.
[That's right ladies and gentlemen, thought crime is alive and well in the Christian community, don't let them tell you otherwise.]
He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.
The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness;
He not only forgives you, but He forgets.
[Yeah, he forgets, right up until his "throne of judgment" when you are called upon to account for your entire life. Pick one bitch, you can't have both.]
It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.
God is at the window!
When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you!
If you are one of the 93 % who will stand up for him forward this with the title, 'I'm in the 93%'
Would you believe 7% of people won't forward this?
I'm not forwarding this piece of shit. BUT I am sharing it with my blog readers.
I'm one of the 7%. And I'm not really sorry.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Why?
because FUCK THEM!!!! That's why!!!!!!!
How to Spot A Gay Terrorist....
Be on the look out for...
Osama Bin Shoppin'
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Do you know what shits me about "muslims"? That they demand and GET respect because they are willing to die for their "beliefs". They are willing to strap on a suicide bomb and blow themselves to "heaven" hoping for 72 (is it 72? how many unsexed individuals are they hoping for again?) virgins to meet them at the pearly gates.
Well fuck that and fuck Islam.
How to Spot A Gay Terrorist....
Be on the look out for...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Do you know what shits me about "muslims"? That they demand and GET respect because they are willing to die for their "beliefs". They are willing to strap on a suicide bomb and blow themselves to "heaven" hoping for 72 (is it 72? how many unsexed individuals are they hoping for again?) virgins to meet them at the pearly gates.
Well fuck that and fuck Islam.
bourbon 4
Beloved Brother and Dearest Sweet Sis. I love you both heaps. I'm so glad I'm an atheist, now, and can choose whom I love. I promised I wouldn't blog hammered because it causes you pain. So I will merely say that I <3 bourbon and it makes me feel fantastic!!!!!
Watched Con Air again.
Powerful movie.
God that is an ugly opening picture. Click on it. Watch it.
It's an incredible song. And an incredible movie.
I am doing my best to get over my love for you Christian. I miss you. Every single day. What I wouldn't give for you to have felt the same. And that is why they do not wish me to blog hammered.
Watched Con Air again.
Powerful movie.
God that is an ugly opening picture. Click on it. Watch it.
It's an incredible song. And an incredible movie.
I am doing my best to get over my love for you Christian. I miss you. Every single day. What I wouldn't give for you to have felt the same. And that is why they do not wish me to blog hammered.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I, Asshole
When I find a blog that's worth reading I read it from the beginning. For example, if I comment regularly on your blog, I've read it from the start. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *snerk* I am SUCH a nerd.
I had just finished reading JesusFuckingChrist.com from start to current and he upped and vanished on me. AARRGGHH!!!!!!!!! And what a disappointment, I was going to start a link of funny religious bashing blogs on my sidebar headlining him, and he's gone. Do you suppose JesusFuckingChrist will return some day? He promised to, didn't he? Didn't he? Don't leave me hanging!!!!
Anyway, the newest blog that I'm reading all the way through is I,Asshole. She's been blogging since September of 2001. WOW!!! That is ANCIENT in blogger years.
Who is this I, Asshole? In her own words...I am SJ (NO FUCKING DOTS, OKAY, IT DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING). I am Shauny's* web bitch. I am grumpy and caustic and rad and writerly. ...I live in Seattle. I have ugly hair because the last time I went to the grocery store I accidentally bought two conditioners and have been washing my hair with soap all week.
*her web hostess
Favorite Quotes from I, Asshole
On Insomnia- It is almost one and I can't sleep. I wonder how long it would take Mr. Husband to wake up if I tried to fill his nostrils with toothpaste?
On Buyer's Remorse- I should have just thrown my seven dollars off a bridge, and hit myself with a flyswatter for about an hour. Same damn results.
On Home Security- I mean, if an infant decided to to roll over in the direction of the front door, I'm sure it would swing open, that's how secure our house is. We don't have anything to steal, but I don't want anyone sniffing my panties except for ME.
On Riding a Bike- When I was a kid, my butt was always sore for the first few days, and then it wasn't anymore. I guess my question for today is: what happens to your butt that makes it not sore anymore? I guess you get Internal Ass Calluses.
On Kids- One thing I love about little kids is that if they are in a good mood, you can get them excited about anything. If she was awake right now, I could turn to her and say, "Root canal! YAY! Root canal!" If I started chanting it and jumping up and down, she would, too. They are kind of like dogs in that way.
On Improving Blog Readership of Comments- If you want to know how my second day was, you may read the comments of my previous entry. Hint: it involves nakedness.
On Timing of the Vasectomy- Our final mistake in Phoenix was to hurry up and get Mr. Husband's tubes snipped while we still had good insurance. It's not because we want a houseful of Frannies now, we don't, it's because he did it in my fifth month of my pregnancy. The fifth month should actually be called the filth month, because you turn into a perverted, rotten dog and you want to get your hump on three times a day. Maybe it's nature's way of making up for the fact that after that you will have a giant bump and sex just isn't the same with hemorrhoids and a bowling ball in your lap.
On Delivery and the Aftermath- I was up and about an hour later, after taking a shower. Mr. Husband made me some pasta and it was the best pasta ever. I couldn't sit because my vulva was so traumatized I'm sure it looked like a baboon's ass. It sure felt like one. For the next three days, every single muscle in my body was ripped up and sore. And now she will be three in about a week and I couldn't be happier that every day I get farther away from having a legitimate need for an ass-doughnut. Laughed myself to tears on this one.
On Wearing a Thong- However, with thongs, you need to have a pair that is exactly the right size. Too big, and they slither down your ass, giving you a different, but still unpleasant, kind of Visible Panty Line (VPL). Too tight, and oh god...let's just say it's very unpleasant. Let's just visualize that ceramics class you took in junior college. Let us reflect back to the first piece of cold, hard clay you purchased. What did you cut it with? A long, sturdy piece of string. Poor Miss Labia.
...
I guess what it comes down to is that I feel unsettled unless I have a tiny piece of fabric jammed in my ass crack. Yes, I know how insane that sounds. I cannot stop, and if anyone tries to intervene I will remove my thong and strangle them with it.
On Steve Irwin He was on Conan saying that you can't say "fanny pack" in Australia, because "fanny" is slang for a woman's No-No Place, which I think I have heard before. But he did not say, "A fanny is slang for a woman's No-No Place." He said, "A fanny is slang for a woman's...Front Bottom."
Front Bottom! New band name! I am going to start dropping that one all over the place.
"Kiss my Front Bottom!"
"I can pick up a bottle of Coca-Cola with my Front Bottom."
"My Front Bottom is itchy because I filled it with jawbreakers."
On Dating Mr. Husband- "If I choose where we eat, does that mean I have to put out?" I asked.
"You're not supposed to ask, you're supposed to wait-and-see-what-happens," he said.
On Attachment Parenting her 6 Month Old- We used to sleep with her every night, from birth. But about a month ago, she developed a mean donkey kick and a tendency to rip out her father's body hair, of which there is A LOT. It turns out that nothing makes a thirty-year-old man scream like a little girl like involuntary depilation while sleeping. Who knew?
Posts I laughed myself silly on.
I, Asshole Cross Over To The Dark Side (Again)Because nobody PMS's like I, Asshole.
In Which I Make Improper Invocations in the Name of SCIENCE
ENJOY!!!!!
I had just finished reading JesusFuckingChrist.com from start to current and he upped and vanished on me. AARRGGHH!!!!!!!!! And what a disappointment, I was going to start a link of funny religious bashing blogs on my sidebar headlining him, and he's gone. Do you suppose JesusFuckingChrist will return some day? He promised to, didn't he? Didn't he? Don't leave me hanging!!!!
Anyway, the newest blog that I'm reading all the way through is I,Asshole. She's been blogging since September of 2001. WOW!!! That is ANCIENT in blogger years.
Who is this I, Asshole? In her own words...I am SJ (NO FUCKING DOTS, OKAY, IT DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING). I am Shauny's* web bitch. I am grumpy and caustic and rad and writerly. ...I live in Seattle. I have ugly hair because the last time I went to the grocery store I accidentally bought two conditioners and have been washing my hair with soap all week.
*her web hostess
Favorite Quotes from I, Asshole
On Insomnia- It is almost one and I can't sleep. I wonder how long it would take Mr. Husband to wake up if I tried to fill his nostrils with toothpaste?
On Buyer's Remorse- I should have just thrown my seven dollars off a bridge, and hit myself with a flyswatter for about an hour. Same damn results.
On Home Security- I mean, if an infant decided to to roll over in the direction of the front door, I'm sure it would swing open, that's how secure our house is. We don't have anything to steal, but I don't want anyone sniffing my panties except for ME.
On Riding a Bike- When I was a kid, my butt was always sore for the first few days, and then it wasn't anymore. I guess my question for today is: what happens to your butt that makes it not sore anymore? I guess you get Internal Ass Calluses.
On Kids- One thing I love about little kids is that if they are in a good mood, you can get them excited about anything. If she was awake right now, I could turn to her and say, "Root canal! YAY! Root canal!" If I started chanting it and jumping up and down, she would, too. They are kind of like dogs in that way.
On Improving Blog Readership of Comments- If you want to know how my second day was, you may read the comments of my previous entry. Hint: it involves nakedness.
On Timing of the Vasectomy- Our final mistake in Phoenix was to hurry up and get Mr. Husband's tubes snipped while we still had good insurance. It's not because we want a houseful of Frannies now, we don't, it's because he did it in my fifth month of my pregnancy. The fifth month should actually be called the filth month, because you turn into a perverted, rotten dog and you want to get your hump on three times a day. Maybe it's nature's way of making up for the fact that after that you will have a giant bump and sex just isn't the same with hemorrhoids and a bowling ball in your lap.
On Delivery and the Aftermath- I was up and about an hour later, after taking a shower. Mr. Husband made me some pasta and it was the best pasta ever. I couldn't sit because my vulva was so traumatized I'm sure it looked like a baboon's ass. It sure felt like one. For the next three days, every single muscle in my body was ripped up and sore. And now she will be three in about a week and I couldn't be happier that every day I get farther away from having a legitimate need for an ass-doughnut. Laughed myself to tears on this one.
On Wearing a Thong- However, with thongs, you need to have a pair that is exactly the right size. Too big, and they slither down your ass, giving you a different, but still unpleasant, kind of Visible Panty Line (VPL). Too tight, and oh god...let's just say it's very unpleasant. Let's just visualize that ceramics class you took in junior college. Let us reflect back to the first piece of cold, hard clay you purchased. What did you cut it with? A long, sturdy piece of string. Poor Miss Labia.
...
I guess what it comes down to is that I feel unsettled unless I have a tiny piece of fabric jammed in my ass crack. Yes, I know how insane that sounds. I cannot stop, and if anyone tries to intervene I will remove my thong and strangle them with it.
On Steve Irwin He was on Conan saying that you can't say "fanny pack" in Australia, because "fanny" is slang for a woman's No-No Place, which I think I have heard before. But he did not say, "A fanny is slang for a woman's No-No Place." He said, "A fanny is slang for a woman's...Front Bottom."
Front Bottom! New band name! I am going to start dropping that one all over the place.
"Kiss my Front Bottom!"
"I can pick up a bottle of Coca-Cola with my Front Bottom."
"My Front Bottom is itchy because I filled it with jawbreakers."
On Dating Mr. Husband- "If I choose where we eat, does that mean I have to put out?" I asked.
"You're not supposed to ask, you're supposed to wait-and-see-what-happens," he said.
On Attachment Parenting her 6 Month Old- We used to sleep with her every night, from birth. But about a month ago, she developed a mean donkey kick and a tendency to rip out her father's body hair, of which there is A LOT. It turns out that nothing makes a thirty-year-old man scream like a little girl like involuntary depilation while sleeping. Who knew?
Posts I laughed myself silly on.
I, Asshole Cross Over To The Dark Side (Again)Because nobody PMS's like I, Asshole.
In Which I Make Improper Invocations in the Name of SCIENCE
ENJOY!!!!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
first thing to make me laugh today
I Hate To Cook Book (aka 100 uses for canned creamed soups.) Part of one recipe: "While heating, light a cigarette and stare sullenly at the sink." With Hilary Knight illustrations.
BWAHAHAAHHAHAHA While I don't smoke, I do resent cooking about that much. And the idea of standing there sullenly staring at the sink waiting for the stupid soup to get good and steamy. *SNERK*
Sounds like my kind of cookbook! Similar to the Cake Doctor book (an absolute must have if you often find yourself having to bring round a desert.) WTF am I pimping THAT book for? Don't know. But I always do.
That and talking to parents about giving their children the condom talk. Even Richard can attest to that one, I've already harassed him on the subject. Scared him witless too. And rightfully so, parents that don't teach their kids about condoms... [insert XO style put down and snarky criticism].
BWAHAHAAHHAHAHA While I don't smoke, I do resent cooking about that much. And the idea of standing there sullenly staring at the sink waiting for the stupid soup to get good and steamy. *SNERK*
Sounds like my kind of cookbook! Similar to the Cake Doctor book (an absolute must have if you often find yourself having to bring round a desert.) WTF am I pimping THAT book for? Don't know. But I always do.
That and talking to parents about giving their children the condom talk. Even Richard can attest to that one, I've already harassed him on the subject. Scared him witless too. And rightfully so, parents that don't teach their kids about condoms... [insert XO style put down and snarky criticism].
Thursday, July 24, 2008
bourbon 3
[richard.... contains vulgarity... including the "f-wort" .... "f-word" used ina sexually pblasphemous manner.... sorry[
fuck it's hard to concentrate with a belt and 3/4 of bourbon under my belt
*snerk* i'm not wearing a belt. mwahahahahahahahaha
picture # 1069
69
omg to be doing 69 right now.
oh my fucking god. please let me 69 again in my life. is there anythign more fantastic than a 69 unles it is a 69 +2
sweet fucking jeebus PLEAAAASASSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Do you know bourbon can even put a smiley face on Conair!!!!
god bless bourbon fucking me WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
i love this pciture. doesn't he look lickable. mmmmmmmmmmmm
fuck it's hard to concentrate with a belt and 3/4 of bourbon under my belt
*snerk* i'm not wearing a belt. mwahahahahahahahaha
picture # 1069
69
omg to be doing 69 right now.
oh my fucking god. please let me 69 again in my life. is there anythign more fantastic than a 69 unles it is a 69 +2
sweet fucking jeebus PLEAAAASASSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Do you know bourbon can even put a smiley face on Conair!!!!
god bless bourbon fucking me WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
i love this pciture. doesn't he look lickable. mmmmmmmmmmmm
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