The following, dated 26 December 2007, was received on 31 December 2007.
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric trainset, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls you have leaving me a fucking yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT COCKSUCKER.
The following reply was mailed on 3 January 2008:
Dear Little Johnny,
I was indeed surprised to receive your letter. I am afraid, dear boy, that you have been rather hideously misinformed.
Studying in school prepares your mind for the future. It shovels the mental pathways so you will be prepared for whatever career you choose, whichever dream you want to follow. It provides the mental discipline to learn new information and helps you to know what your own strengths and weaknesses are and where your talents lie. Education is not about topping other students, it's not about being the best in your school, it's about reaching your own highest potential.
Now, on the nature of "being good". "Being good" is not something you do to earn a few Christmas presents. It is not a point-based system where an A in school is worth 5 points, helping a little old lady across the street 3 points, and not hitting your brother when you are angry 1 point, where the first kid to 100 gets a new bike. It just flat out doesn't work that way.
"Being good", son, is something you do because it makes your life better. You treat your brothers kindly because they in turn treat you kindly. Keeping the peace in your house makes life better for everyone, including your parents. When the other people in your house are happy, your life is enhanced by that.
You help little old ladies, my boy, because it is the right thing to do. Because someday you will be a little old man who would very much appreciate a kind, thoughtful lad to give you a shoulder to lean on as you cross the street.
As for the presents under your tree, maybe you should take a long hard look at your life. Your parents bought you those presents, all that they could afford. With growing boys in the house, it's not easy to make ends meet. But you would know that, if you weren't so busy "being good", but instead genuinely cared about those around you.
Why not take this opportunity to make an effort to get yourself the things you want, instead of waiting for them to be given to you? If you apply yourself to finding ways to earn your own money instead of trying to force my hand at Christmas time you will be much happier.
One final point, Little Johnny, genuine goodness is revealed when a person encounters hardships. I find it rather telling that one setback, however large you may perceive it to be, has shown what you are truly like as a person. How disappointing. You might, Little Johnny, want to spend some time deciding what type of person you want to be: the kind of person who manipulates others into giving him things, or the kind of person who goes out and earns what he wants and finds joy in the doing.
All my best to you and your family this upcoming year.
PS- I will take the personal threats under advisement. Fair warning to you, little friend, Santa packs a taser and as the moral compass of naughty and nice, I'm authorized to use it.