Who the hell is Jeanne Marie Laskas? Before today I didn't know either. You see, I'm a bit behind on my toilet reading material, which is why I'm just now reading the Ask Laskas column from the Reader's Digest December 2007 edition. Normally I don't give this column much time, but the first question really caught my eye.
Q: I just found an e-mail address for my first girlfriend, someone I treated poorly. I'm happily married -- so is she -- and I have no romantic interest in her. It's been years, but my conscience bothers me. Should I write and apologize?
~Troubled Mind
That could very easily have been written by the boy who dumped me after my senior year of high school. I have always wanted to talk to him about what happened and have never had the courage to reach out and contact him. The only contact info. I have for him is his father's phone number and while I've thought about it for years, I've never come up with the right words to say to either of them. So I was fairly interested in her reply.
A: Dear Troubled,
So you feel guilty--deal with it without burdening her. Dump this on a priest or a shrink or someone who can help you find resolution. She got over the old you years ago; maybe it's time you d id too.
What an absolutely Christian position to take. Just go to a priest and pray about it. Get forgiveness from god. And just to cover the people who don't believe in god she suggests alternatively he could go to a psychiatrist and resolve his old issues there. *rolls eyes*
According to Laskas, it's too late. You can't go back and you can't make things right.
And to that I say "BULLSHIT!" If you've wronged somebody, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, you go the person and say, "hey, I fucked up and I'm sorry I hurt you."
When I was in high school I treated my best friend like shit our senior year and we drifted apart. I felt horrible about it for years and years afterwards and finally contacted her and said, "Look, I was shitty to you our senior year and I'm really sorry. I don't even know why I acted that way, and I shouldn't have. You didn't deserve it and I really wanted you to know I'm sorry."
It's never too late to say you're sorry, unless the person is dead. Until they croak, you can always apologize. Even if they've completely forgotten they are going to be flattered that your conscience bothered you that long and you finally talked to them about it. If they haven't forgotten, maybe it will help them move on with their life too. It may not fix things, it may not mean you will be friends again, but it helps you get on with your life.
And THAT'S how you get over things. You don't go whimpering to a complete stranger about a mistake you made with another person. You find the other person and tell them you're sorry.
11 comments:
As far as your reading problem, try eating more cheese and less bran.
I made a girl cry in high school. I was immature and liked her and she me. At the 20th year reunion I saw her and apologized to her for making her cry. I admitted I was immature at the time and said I was really sorry. Of course she had forgotten all about it but she was impressed that I said what I said. Her husband shook my hand and thanked me. So, you're right. Its never too late to reach out to someone you've wronged.
That was a great story Joe thanks!! Even though she had "gotten over it" she still liked hearing the apology and it still was heart warming to her. Plus, you were able to set your own mind at ease, knowing that at least you'd said you were sorry.
:D
There is great value in spiritual (it ain't supernatural) justice. It can also be tightly linked to very material things, so honesty in both realms is essential to happiness.
i couldn't help thinking of the movie "Flatliners" when i read this. i know for myself, it would mean a lot to be asked for forgiveness for a past wrong. especially cause i like being right. :P
Hey EintoB!!! When I was writing this post I had this fantasy of the bullies who made my public school life hell apologizing for being dickheads. Then I imagined asking them why they did it. I'm thinking this one isn't going to happen anytime soon.
it's early but maybe you'd consider for your next open forum answering the question if that bullying you experienced (me too) affected your decision to home educate your kids? you could put that in queue for me. :)
It's never too late for an open forum question, and given the interesting nature of the question, I'll make it it's own blog post. Thanks!!!! Got company this arvo so look for it in the next day or so. WOOHOO!!!! New material!!!!! :D
I am the same way Fiery. When I have wronged someone, I will sometimes go to absurd lengths to make amends.
If you don't mind me pimping my blog, here is a recent example where an unknown commenter on my blog who raised my suspicions ended up being someone I went to high school with.
Really good honest post Fiery. Was it hard to ring your schoolmate after all that time to apologise? I think I would think about it a lot but never get the actual gumption to do it.
Cannot stand the word "spiritual" it only implies that we have a "spirit" whilst we can be spirited, there is no such things as spirits or souls for that matter. I personally steer clear of any thing that has religious conotations.
glob- as far as your poor sense of humour problem, try breathing more carbon monoxide and less oxygen.
Johnny- sorry it took so long to get to your question.
It is difficult not using religious words for everyday things as they have influenced every aspect of a society. Even our swearing is filled with religious references.
Glob got on me a few posts back about the world going to hell. Apparently for glob you can't use the phrase "going to hell" unless you believe in hell. Fundies being unable to sort out that things "going to hell" just means things getting really bad.
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