Monday, June 18, 2007

rally the troops

Hello faithful readers and anyone new to my blog!

I don't know how others approach their blogs, but I become attached to the people who comment on my blog. I get to know them a bit by their writing and I come to care about them. When other people are hurting or in trouble it brings out the Mama Ewok in me and being Fiery, like I am....well you see where this is going.

Bigtex71, one of my longest readers, is having a bit of stress in his life right now.

Please head over to his blog Ironic Coincidences and offer a word of encouragement.

He's in a tough spot right now having half-outed himself from the atheist closet to his wife, a devout catholic. As you can imagine, she's not taking it very well and he's looking for advice, tips, hints, coping strategies, what to do, and what not to do- type knowledge from anyone who has been there and done that.

Also, Bigtex had one of the worst Father's Days ever, one I would never wish on anyone. You can read about it here at his other blog Deep in the Heart of Bigtex and send him some warm fuzzies there as well.

Thanks guys!


Poodles Rule said...

I read that this morning. I feel horrible for him. It is times like these I wish we all lived in one little atheist town where we could be more support to each other...

Fiery Ewok said...

Absolutely! It would be wonderful if even a bunch of us lived in the same place. I would love to get together every once in awhile, picnic in the park type thing so our kids could play together, we could hang out. Bigtex could BBQ us something! :-)

Poodles Rule said...

Now I want texas bbq... I am such a foodie!

BigTex71 said...

Thanks, FE, for linking to my blog here. There are several of you here and in other blogs that I feel are good friends (even though I never really have met you all) and I sincerely appreciate all of your thoughts of encouragement and warm fuzzies.

And I will most certainly cook up some ribs for any of you any day!

Fiery Ewok said...

BigTex you are most welcome!

Being an atheist can be a very lonely thing. It's easy for me to start to feel like I am the only one in the world who thinks the way I do. I love my blog and the connections that I have made with some really great people!!

And thanks to all who stopped over and wished BigTex and his family well!

Hopefully BigTex will post updates here or on his own blogs on how he is doing and any new developments.

BigTex71 said...

Unfortunately this situation is getting worse. She wanted to know why I had doubts, so I emailed here a few articles from Apparently that was a big mistake.

I'll post more on my blog later.

Fiery Ewok said...

Oh Fardling hell. The computer deleted my post.

BigTex, I posted a 2nd comment over on Ironic Coincidences. Unfortunately it directs you back here to my first comment, which I see now, the computer has eaten as a snack. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

Fiery Ewok said...

I can't do it. I can't remember what I typed here.

I like what I wrote on your blog. I'm sorry this one is gone.

I remember I rambled a bit about my own situation with my mate jumping to the atheist side of the fence and how we dealt with it.

If there is anything I can do, please drop me a line at atheisthomeschooler at yahoo dot com

Poodles Rule said...

Ditto for what Fiery said, if you need any help. Being that my own spouse is still Catholic you can always drop me a line too. Trnetz at gmail dot com.

Tommy said...

Tex, I see your blog is gone. Is that a permanent thing? I can understand if it is something you feel the need to do, though I hope you will still be participating in the blogosphere.

I'm saddened to read about what you're going through. People who get married should be about more than just being husband and wife to each other. They should be each other's best friends. Best friends should not let one's atheism or one's deeply held religious beliefs divide them.

Since I do not know you and your wife personally, my insight is limited. All I can say though is that you two got married because you believed your lives were better together than apart. You each had qualities that attracted each to the other. While your wife might not be happy with your atheism (or agnosticism), she needs to understand that you are still the same person she fell in love with.

Another tact you might want to try, though there's the risk it might give her a false sense of hope, is to tell her that you are an atheist or agnostic at this point in your life because that is where your reason and intellect has brought you. If she were to leave you, you would be losing the greatest incentive you could ever have of possibly returning to the faith. In other words, if she were to leave you, the chances of you embracing Christianity would greatly lessen, whereas if she stayed, the chances would be greater.

Go with whatever you feel is best, as you have the advantage of knowing her and we do not. Best wishes.


Fiery Ewok said...

I am overcome with horror that both of BigTex's blogs are down.

My paranoia says that MrsTex has found his atheist blogs and has insisted BigTex cut all ties to this world. I hope like crazy that I'm completely wrong.

My heart goes out to you BigTex, there are a lot of people out here in bloggerland that care about you and want the very best for you and your family.

Please keep in touch!

Sending you and MrsTex mountains of warm fuzzies and best wishes.

Poodles Rule said...

They are gone! Shoot, I hope everything works out ok for Mr. Tex...

Summer Squirrel said...

I am so sorry to see that BigTex is gone. I wish him the best and I hope he can update and/or contact us if he needs any help.

Good luck out there, BigTex.

From another Texas,

BigTex71 said...

Yes, my wife did see my blog. That did not go over so well. I took it down out of respect for her. I wanted to show her (in a very small way) of how much I love her and how much she means to me.

I regret pulling my non-religious based blog and I will put it back up soon (when I get some time.) Do any of you know how to restore a blog that was deleted? It would make it easier that way... but I realize I may have to start from scratch.

As far as how things are going:

My wife and I have had a lot of dialog and I feel that overall, our marriage is now better in almost every area because of this issue. It allowed us to talk about other issues that we had not dealt with head-on before. She is trying to learn why I had doubts and what led me to where I was. I understand why she thinks the way she does, and she somewhat sees why I had questions and doubts. So overall, this is turning out to be a good thing actually.

But I will not be blogging about religious issues while we are working through that part of our differences. I will still maintain a presence in the blogoshpere and keep visiting and commenting. Hopefully I will have my "Deep in the Heart of BigTex" blog back up again soon.

BigTex71 said...

Oh... and thanks for all of the advice, well wishes, and warm fuzzies! :D

Richard said...

Big Tex your last comment is bang on. Hold on, talk and, above all be freaking patient. However, also be darn sure she is being honest... the minute she is not, you have to re-think. Honesty is the recognition that the unreal is unreal. However, if you move to fast with your own honesty, she may not be able to keep up, so you have to back up more than you might imagine, and find where she is able to move sensibly forward.

Tommy has made some good points, but avoid the notion that you could return to religion. You clearly know enough to know that were you to do that you would be being dishonest to yourself. If you can do that then you would be dishonest for her, and who needs a lover who is faking their character??

Spend time with her. Talk as much as you can. Ask her a hundred questions, and gently find ways from her answers to propose alternatives. They must be gentle, not fiery ;-) and always let the conversation go where she wants to go. However, if she wants to 'put it away' and forget about it, be straight up. Should she propose that, then bluntly say, "Oh, so it's okay to you that I'm atheist then?"

Constantly watch her responses. Look for matters from the bible that she might doubt, ask why she believes the events she does believe, and see where she goes with it. Do it over and over, with lots of different issues. Always be darn sure you know what the consequences of the issue you raise really are....

For example, do you know what it means about the Universe for a bush to burn and not be consumed. It means that the very same molecules we use in fires (from wood or coal) are able to produce the light of flames, whilst NOT changing their atomic structure. Which means that the electron orbitals are not changed even as their is apparent light production. But light production in fires is a result of electrons changing their atomic orbitals, often as a result of the breaking of electrical bonds. If the bonds are NOT changed, but the light is produced anyways, then the very structure of molecules is arbitrarily under the specific control of God. This means that the Sun is an arbitrary thing, and so are YOU!! If you, and SHE, are under so much arbitrary control, then there is nothing whatsoever in the World that matters. God does everything... he 'does;' you and you are atheist, He does 'her' and she is a believer. He does your marriage, and He ruins it. And if, somehow, he plays with atomic bonds and light that way, yet somehow leaves you and your wife to duke it out and ruin your relationship, he is such a total Jerk, that no one should pay him any attention again.

Before you actually go as far as the next point, note the method I am suggesting, not the particulars. Just keep at it, and be very very casual... show no stress, even look on it as interesting or as fun.

None of it makes any sense at all, and WHO THE HELL NEEDS THAT IN THEIR LIFE, SO AS TO BE A GOOD PERSON????

Sorry, can't proof read now, gotta go.