Thursday, April 30, 2009

Why I can't call my mother until tomorrow

Got another forward from my mum.

It was written in royal blue 72 point font.
(WTF!?!??!!?!!!1 I hate that shit. At least it wasn't in all caps.)

It begins "You are driving home in your car."
(Try again, I'm sitting on my arse in front of my computer.)

It is pages long and scrolls for ages. Words that catch my eye as I scroll down...
Staring at the sky
Thousands of wings
The angels bow their heads
To some it may sound dumb
(ummm yeah, me!)


And then the ending two paragraphs.

Pass it on to 20 of your true friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE; SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. DO NOT BREAK THISEMAIL . SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE.


20 or 4. Can't make up your mind?

Assertion by caps lock does NOT make you correct. FUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Does Jebus really respond to shit like this? Is the Master of the Universe, the one with his finger on the trap door that will send all atheists to charbroil for all eternity, really moved to allow something nice to happen to people because they read some dipshitty version of the second coming?????

My IQ dropped at least 50 points glancing through that shit. Thank Dawkins I had the presence of mind to scan quickly and not get absorbed by the non-think.

And if my mum and dad heard from my n'er do well cousin after sending this.... I'll know that Jesus loves me. *snerk*

4 comments:

uzza said...

Yeah. Me too; I need something to send to the people that send me sympathy cards that say "We're praying for you". Do you have an only-slighty-insulting way to say "Fuck Your Prayers, I'm Going to a Surgeon" ?

uzza said...

ps; you been gone a long time. nice to see you back.

Orion77 said...

Argh, the sweet rhythm of ridicule. It is the only vaccine I know of, to protect yourself from religious fueled melancholy.

72 point royal blue, A damn shame about the lower case, though. Incredibly the arseclown I work for embraces CAPS, like rosary beads, he just couldn't get by without 'em, well that and the dead guy that follows him around, WATCHING and taking NOTES (Fuck it - Can't bold & underline, will you still understand.... I wonder?).

20 or 4, I think your splitting hairs young lady, will continuity really matter on "JUDGEMENT DAY!!!"; I think not, well at least not where you're going!

And THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, well, he does care, my dear, you go and ask any Biafran whose lost a rolex lately, I bet you won't find a single man, woman or child, spending time still searching for lost watches. You know why, cos god found them and gave them back, obviously.

JUST BELIEVE!

Fiery said...

uzza *giggles* Sometimes it's tempting to go hard core and not try to be only slightly insulting. *sigh* But in the case of my mum I usually end up biting my tongue. Closet and all. If I ever hear of a nice way to say "don't pray, act!" I'll let you know. ;)

ps- I delayed in replying because it gave me warm fuzzies walking around knowing that you missed me! :)

Orion- I was shocked it wasn't in ComicSans as that seems to be a favorite as well. *rolls eyes* god's got a whole universe to fret over including good parking spots, lost golf balls, and whatnot so much so that he can't be bothered with preventing babies starving to death, honor killings or female circumcision. But hey! As long as he can get you that raise you deserve, that's all that matters.

My cousin did contact them that evening so i guess jesus loves me. Too bad I think he's an arsehole.