Sunday, December 30, 2007

Help Wanted: Exorcist, call today

Vatican to train more exorcists

What sounds like a bad JayLeno-esque Headline to be made the butt of jokes, is unfortunately a genuine news story.

The Catholic Church has vowed to "fight the Devil head-on" by training hundreds of priests as exorcists.


Unfortunately... true.... In between ogling altar boy bums and diddling catholic school girls, there will be a new line of priest- the Exorcist.
*insert creepy music*

Would you like to know WHY the Catholic church has decided the world needs more demon hunters????

Me either.

Unfortunately there actually is an answer in the article.

Father Gabriele Amorth, 82, the Exorcist in Chief, announced the initiative amid church concerns about growing worldwide interest in Satanism and the occult.

1st item of note... "growing worldwide interest in Satanism and the occult." Is this a Harry Potter thing again? Or is it the rising voice of atheism breaking through the murky waters of the faith deluded?

2nd item of note... the Catholic church has an Exorcist in Chief. AN EXORCIST IN CHIEF??????? You have GOT to be joking. Please, oh please tell me there is no such person as Father Gabriele Amorth, EiC.

And do you know what specifically has Papa Gabe's shorts in a bundle? The Vatican is concerned that young people are being exposed to Satanism through the media, rock music and the Internet.

The old movies, music, and Internet whinge. AARRGGHH!!!!! Do you know that way back in the late 18th century the waltz was considered the devil's playground? Too lewd, too sensual, too provocative. THE WALTZ!!!!!

Do you suppose these new exorcist specialists (did I really just type that, me a sane, rational person, actually attempting to take this subject seriously????).... *sigh* Do you suppose these new exorcist specialists will have a SWAT team they assemble to rush to the scene, lights flashing, sirens blaring. "Step aside folks! We've got a category 13 possession in progress!"

Ten minutes later..."Oh wait. Never mind. Back to the Mystery Machine boys. It's just an atheist. Nothing to see here folks, move it along, these atheist types don't respond to gestures and prayers to invoke the power of God and stop the "demon" influencing its victim".

Help Wanted:.......Exorcist
Job Description:...You will be specially trained in exorcism and on hand to take action against "extreme Godlessness".

I wonder if those suffering from "extreme Godlessness" get to choose whether or not to be exorcised? Or if it is compulsory? I wonder if people will sue others for being forced to submit to involuntary exorcism?

I said it on the Forum and I'll say it again here...Being a christian is ultimately a weird experience, because there IS nothing there. So... a christian is either faking it or delusional. Period.

And these whack jobs have brought faking it to a whole new level.

'Ware the Exorcist! Coming soon to a diocese near you.


Richard said...

Tons of people *die* because of exorcism ceremonies. This might be a rant...

The last loving and gentle Pope, John Paul II, modified the conditions for exorcism to take into account normal medical psychological problems. See this 1999 article: Vatican issues first new exorcism ritual since 1614

The ritual includes the "laying on of hands", but it seems the local dioceses have some rather enthusiastic Exorcists. Some were starved to death while tied to a cross. When the Romanian priest and four nuns were found guilty of manslaughter, believers in the audience broke into tears. Obviously the courts were siding with Satan.

Some are strangled, presumably by the "laying on of hands". One case will be appreciated by visitors involved in this site's discussion of tasers. It happened on July 29, 2007 in Phoenix, AZ!!

A grandfather was strangling his grandaughter while his daughter (the girl's mother) chanted religious phrases. A bed and mattress blocked police entry at first. When one squeezed through the grandfather was tasered without effect. He did not stop! How Freakin' crazy is that? On a second tasering he stopped, but then he stopped breathing and died. I say good!!

On Dec 12th, 2007 a double exorcism took place in New Zealand. One female victim was drowned in a bathtub, after all the ritual does call for the sprinkling of Holy Water on the possessed! But in a delightful "laying on of hands", her sister's eyes were gouged out.

Of course none of this really matters because the soul and our consciousness survive death. We continue to experience all the same sensations as we did before death, but we do so in an energy form. It must be true because Wanda Pratnicka says so, not to mention pretty well every other major religion.

Her site name? What a fine use of modern technology built by patient and intellectually complex application of reason to Real World facts. Meh.

She must know about life after death because she is an exorcist and parapsychologist. Say "Wooooo!" with reverence. Presumably she has a couch where she and the dead can examine the confusing psychological effects of discovering one is still conscious whilst one's body is in a coffin or its ashes are blowin' in the wind. Then there is the obvious trauma of not being able to drive your car. Or, seeing who cried at your funeral and who did not. Perhaps you discover your wife poisoned you and is happily boinking your brother. Surely such things would call for rewriting one's will except now, being dead, you cannot.

Father Gabriel Amorth has been the Vatican's leading proponent of exorcisms through two, and now I suppose three, papacies. He is the lead focus of a book by Tracy Wilkinson titled, "The Vatican's Exorcists". Those deaths are as much on his hands, morally, as they are on those who directly caused them!

And, Reg Glob, they are on the Pope's hands, every bishops' hands, every priests' hands and all the believers who prop them up by teaching their children to believe in Jeebus, the Virgin, the Holy Ghost and God's goodness.

Fiery said...

Yep, it was a rant alright. A good one though! :D

Poodles said...

I wonder how much the job pays? Is there split pea soup involved? Crucifix dildos? Hmmm... this could be a great new career... :D Good to see you back BTW.

Fiery said...

:D Thanks Poodles! It's good to be back!

Fiery said...

And aren't crucifix dildoes another name for buttplugs??? Maybe that's just at hmmmm

T&A said...

Oh brother... While they are at it, maybe they can reappoint the Earth as the center of the solar system!
Fuck Galileo!

Sean the Blogonaut F.C.D. said...

Its all well and good but where are they going to recruit these teams from. As I commented elsewhere - In Australia there are many communities without parish priests, the flock just ain't interested.

On the other hand I think the Pope is further betraying his agenda, to reverse the advances made in Vatican 2 and return to an earlier and more powerful church.

I am seeing these teams more as teams of inquistors, don't want someone spouting contrary religious or political views send in a team of these guys.

I wonder if the Pope has considered paying for outside help,might be a new niche for "Blackwater".

Richard said...

T&A & S.Blogonaut are perhaps closer to the truth than they realize!

What historian academics have never really grasped is that history is not driven by politics but by philosophy. Every philosophy builds a morality, however implicit, which sets the standard for human action. and hence politics. The moral foundation of the Judeo-Islamic-Christian religions is altruism the sacrifice of oneself, usually, to others. (Environmentalism pursues the same ethic, but asks us to sacrifice to newts and old wood - Sequoia's etc.)

Communism arose through Hegel, who was born in an orthodox Christian family. Though his ideas eventually rejected God, he retained and advocated the essentials of religious altruism. Marx, in turn, was heavily influenced by Hegel (as was Hitler). His Manifesto simply replaced God with The People.

Put into practice, communism produced the Russian KGB, and their kind in other communist countries. They were the Inquisitors of this new secular Xtianity. In fact they are still at work in
-Cuba (let's take our holiday money there to support them),
-North Korea (let's fund them to 'prevent' them from building an A-bomb),
-China (lets trade with them so they'll be more like us),

'Jeebus', via Plato, was the progenitor of the entire scheme.

T&A ridiculed the new Vatican as returning to their "fuck Galileo" approach, but even in that one can find a parallel in Communism. Russia said "fuck Darwin", via Lysenko, which fully stagnated the Russian study of biology. Any who accepted Darwinian Evolution simply were not permitted to speak. They were considered to be against The Party. The more they tried to speak the more likely the KGB would step in.

Altruism still rules most of the World and is regaining its strength in Western Cultures (including Oz & N.Z.). It is not enough to be Atheist, men must also understand & adopt Individualism and Capitalism, through Reason. We must "fuck Jeebus" in every way.

evolveintobirds said...

heh...the funnest part of baptizing our younger two children into the Orthodox church was the exorcism! it's part of every baptism...even *I* got exorcised when i converted! you get to spit three times on the devil. ha. guess it didn't take.

Richard said...

EIBirds, what did you spit on, that was "the devil"?

...makes me think of the hilarious Monty Python movie "The Holy Grail", with its impotent knights of Ni, shouting at an unassailable castle: "I spit on you King Arthur and your kinigits (ker-nig-its)". Yep, the Knights of Ni really knocked out King Arthur with that one.

Religious Intrinsicists cannot have an intrinsic Good in their Universe, without a matching intrinsic Evil. Would spitting make any difference on such a scale?

I think their sense of impotence in the face of such cosmic 'power' contributes to their fear and hatred of anything atheist. It, rather obviously, justifies their last resort use of violence, however rationalized. If Satan doesn't come out ('e's not dead, 'e's restin'), then torture, strangle, blow up, burn, drown, crucify or stone, his vassal. All the better if sanctioned by the 'gentle' Pope.

skvllrjng1168 said...

Roman catholic is a pseudo-political cult hybrid from Roman so-called Christian-from-Jews interpretation and Middle Eastern origin of paganism. Hooded Mary is actually from Isis, a Middle Eastern Diety [they pray before images of stones]. The face they assume of God or Jesus is from Zeus sculpture[again a form of literature and sculpture, praying before images-what a crap!]. I don't think the popes are roman catholic themselves, they might as well be freemasons.