Do you ever wish that you had someone in your life you could be completely honest with?
Not just someone to bitch about your spouse to, or bad mouth your boss/co-workers to, talk radical political ideals to, or wax philosophic with, I mean someone that you could share everything with and who wouldn't judge you, reject you or condemn you.
Someone to tell your very deepest secrets, fears, desires, dreams, hopes, wishes, fantasies, stories, memories, disappointments, well... everything to.
You can't do that with a spouse. You can't tell them of your fear or worries or negative thoughts, lest they pollute the relationship with your doubts. No sense clouding the waters with things they didn't realize, remember or ever even consider.
I think that is what God is for. And possibly even the Catholic confessional is for. A place to share everything. To receive absolution for your sins and to unburden your mind. To share your inner soul with someone or thing.
Unfortunately that option is not available to me. I am incapable of believing in God and would actively reject Him if He were to manifest himself to me for the evil that He allows on this earth in the name of "free will".
So what does that leave me? Alone, like everyone else in the universe, wishing for a deep connection with another human being.
I had that once, a friend I could tell anything to and be accepted and understood and reassured that everything would be ok. I miss you Philip. I'm sorry for the way things ended.