Monday, June 14, 2010

32 Truths For Mature Humans

I have spent a number of posts whingeing about the crap fundy forwards my mum emails me. This one, however, was out of this world. I wish I could meet the person who wrote it for he or she is me. Holy crap!!! Every one of these spot on.

This has been posted around the internet, I couldn't find who originated it on an admittedly cursory google search. If its yours, email me so we can be BFF. *snerk* Actually it's nice knowing that this person exists out there.


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


Xavier Onassis said...

I am TOTALLY down with you on #1! I already have my BFF assigned to that task. She is the only other living human being with keys to my house. Her instructions are to secure that fucking external hard drive before she even bothers to call 911. It's good to have people you can depend on!

Fiery said...

LOL!!!! I was thinking of you when I read #1. *snerk* I knew that about you from a post on your blog. Too awesome!!!!!

forget me you wheeze get the hard drive!

best damn porn collection in the world yoh!

Orion77 said...

Love 24.

31. the story of my life.

Fiery said...

*giggles* for me, it's #11. The worst is when #11 happens when I'm just pulling up to work for the day. Then I take a long hard look at the bottle shop in the strip mall just down from me. In nice. Easy. Walking distance.

Nooooooo I haven't used liquid motivation to keep the day on track. Nnoooooo. Wouldn't the canadian fundy have a field day with THAT piece of info. I can hear him screaming -A-l-k-o-h-a-l-l-i-c-k- from here.

Poodles said...

I'm 22. It always ends badly.

KWombles said...

Love these. :-) I enjoyed the laughs! Yup, 31 is the story of my life, too. Or even worse, you watch the news and realize when it's over you missed it all.

Fiery said...

POOOODLES!!!!! Lol! shame on you for not employing the Hulk for that kind of dirty work. I'm always recruiting the kids to carry things as well. The idea of having to make a second trip is just soooo much harder than doing it all in one go.

KWombles- hi! Thanks for popping in to add a comment!!!! I find myself ringing up a customer and asking them if they'd like a bag for their purchase. By the time I've added their money to the drawer I realize I neglected to listen to the answer and have to repeat the question along with that confession. Inevitably we share a laugh and then I repeat the question. It wouldn't be so bad if that only happened once. I'd say.... 60% of the time? heh heh... *blush*

Carol said...

Love, love, love this. Just to let you know: I am stealing it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

Fiery said...

Hi Carol! My sincere apologies for not posting your comment sooner. This "having comment moderation on" is new to me. I got damned sick of the oriental spammers with their sex links hidden in dots. I've never moderated comments before and apparently I forgot to turn on the "email new comements to me".... blah blah blah.

You don't care. I don't blame you.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed the post! thanks for stopping by.

De Gnomer said...

haha, you have no idea how hard I laughed all the way through this! are you my subconscious???? I only ask because this is a pretty definitive list of my daily thoughts.